guys, I know this is the bad jokes thread, but can we ease up on the dead baby jokes?

fine

Q. A man walked into a bar. What did he say?
A. Ouch.

Q. How long does it take to paint a wall purple?
A. Depends, how big is the wall, and how many blueberries do you have?

Here's one:

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"No, we don't," the bartender answers.

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"No."

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"No."

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"No!"

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"NO!!"

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any grapes?"
"If you come in here tomorrow and ask for grapes I'll nail your beak to the bar."

The next day the duck walks into the same bar, "Hey you got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any grapes?"

It was a rather ordinary day for Ingrid the librarian. Slow going, as days at the library usually are. She breathes a sigh and continues back with her relentless task of stamping book cards at the checkout desk.

All of a sudden, she hears a light scratching sound somewhere closeby. Before she has time to think there's a loud, shrill cackle of "Book!" Looking around she doesn't see anyone, but soon hears it again.
"Book!"
Thinking it sounds like it's coming from down below, she peers over the edge of the counter and sees a chicken. Confused and bewildered, Ingrid looks from side to side, shakes her head and peers down again.
"Book!" demands the chicken.
Not knowing exactly what else to do, Ingrid cautiously takes a book off of her pile and hands it to the chicken. It takes it, places it under its wing and walks out of the library. Dumbfounded, Ingrid simply goes back to stamping cards.

Later in the day the library is similarly empty, and Ingrid is bored again stacking books. She's up on a ladder, when all of a sudden she hears "Book! Book!" A little spooked, she grasps the ladder tightly, looks back over her shoulder and what do you know, there's the chicken again.
"Book! Book!" it demands. Ingrid noticed it had brought back the book from earlier, and thought it wouldn't hurt to give this obviously responsible chicken another crack at some books. She reaches over and grabs two books for the chicken, lobs them to the ground, and again watches as the chicken picks them up and leaves.

As the library is about to close, Ingrid awaits the chicken to return, and sure enough it does. She watches it come in with the two books from before, walk up to the counter and exclaim "Book! Book! Book!" Ready this time, Ingrid gives it three new books, but decides to follow the chicken once it's left.
"What is this chicken doing with all these books?" Ingrid thinks to herself. So she follows it. It takes a quick road out of town and veers off of the road at a swamp. She wades in after it, keeping a safe distance, and watches as the chicken stops by a lily pad. A frog hops out of the water onto it. The chicken grabs the first book and shows it to the frog, exclaiming "Book!"
The frog, of course replies "Reddit..."
"Book!"
"Reddit..."
"Book!"
"Reddit..."

(Buck, ribbit, get it? baaaad joke)

Quote:

Original post by game mercenary (...numerous dead baby jokes...)

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

Depends on how thinly you slice them.

[Edited by - Mattman on May 27, 2005 11:51:17 AM]

Quote:

Original post by boolean guys, I know this is the bad jokes thread, but can we ease up on the dead baby jokes?

how mant hippie professers can you fit in a 11 seater van?
15 is you squeze tight, 35 if you use a wood chipper

Quote:

Original post by Boris Karloff I was thinking something along those lines, too, but it still doesn't make any sense. And if that's indead what the F means, then it should be worded better, perhaps like this: Quote: How do you fit an elephant onto a subway....? ... You take the 's' out of the sub and get the 'f' out of the way. The use of the words "the" and "get" are very important for it to make sense. However, then I still don't get it. Why should you get out of the way when you take the 's' out of sub? Ubway. Not something I'd run away from.

ask another person. They will say "Their is no F in way."

GET IT? HARHAR!

A mad man comes into a bus and shouts!
I'm a derivative!!! I'm gonna differentiate you all until you become zero!
All the people in the bar get out inmediatly except one guy!
The mad man moves to the guy and screams - You'll become nothing! Not even your mother will be able to integrate your parts!!!
The guy looks at him and smiles.
Puzzled, the crazy man asks - Are you nuts? You're about to be nullified!!! Why are you smiling!!!!???
Because I'm e^x