I’ve never considered myself handsome or special, but I know I get some points for being a foreigner in Asia.

As a result, I’d consider almost every woman I have dated here to be normally out of my league. Until I knew them better…

The boring one first: She’s Chinese, amazingly beautiful, has a son who likes to rip paper. I’m worried about him ripping apart my drawings but she is more beautiful than 30 minutes’ worth of passerbyers at the busiest station in the world, Shinjuku Station. I saw cute girls walking around everywhere but she was just…wow. Short story even shorter we just did not have chemistry. Moving along into the good stuff.

Fine. I need to meet someone else.

Next up we have a typical Japanese woman, I thought. Physically she was my type and she was into me, so let’s go out!

We were pretty steady for about 6 months until one day we went to a British pub (in Shinjuku no less) and she got so drunk she confessed she wants to kill little children.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Obviously I needed to move on (and yes I did ask her motivations but to explain them here would only sicken you). Never met her again.

Next woman I thought was a normal woman. Had an adorable daughter.

We got along for over a year.

I finally learned that she is wealthy. $20,000 per month wealthy.

Great! I literally had no idea about that and was just into her for her looks and personality, not to mention her adorable daughter, who brought joy to my heart just for being herself. Finding out that she is wealthy was just icing on the cake.

([attachment=18909:TV.png]

Her daughter, with me inside the TV in the background. They chose the one frame in which it appears I am looking at the camera but I promise I am not.

Until I learned why she is wealthy.

Over time she started to ask for $2,000 or $3,000, and always in an “emergency” situation. I loaned her the money and she did pay me back, but after a few times I had no choice but to ask why she needed my money when she was making so much herself.

I had also previously asked why her “business trips” with her dad took so many days.

It turns out that her dad is a high-ranking member of Yakuza, the Japanese mafia.

Fucking hell, really? We broke up then and there.

Around this time I was starting to act on TV more and more frequently.

I met a woman called Himeka Shirosaki and we started dating [attachment=18911:ShawnHime.jpg].

Boring story made short, we mutually agreed there was just no chemistry. I’m not even sure why but I know how I felt, and she agreed. Really nice person though.

I started having trouble after that though.

I’m very conservative when it comes to dates but most likely the reason for my 2-year absence from the dating scene was just because after dating a celebrity I felt I had the right to pick and choose. I was on TV so much then that a woman at McDonald’s asked me, “Are you on TV?”

At some point I figured that being on TV was my trump card. And the women I was able to meet just declined from there on. I was just starting to remember my roots after realizing this…

This brings us to almost today, where shit gets heavy.

On a dating site a woman knew me from TV.

She was so excited to meet me on a dating site, telling me she had seen me on this show and that show.

She was really good-looking and very similar-minded. She likes video games, anime, and cosplay. I don’t do cosplay myself but I am very happy if my girl wants to do that.

For the first time in 2 years I was starting to feel hope.

This hot young 24-year-old woman (I am 31 so 24 is young to me) was not only into me, but she likes video games and anime.

Not only was she a fan of mine from TV, she’s a fan of my company, tri-Ace. She was going on and on about how much she loves Star Ocean etc.

Really?

A beautiful woman who not only is a fan of my TV work but also my game work?

And she’s a gamer too? And young and cute? Like, I could just come home and she’d be there and not only is she hot but she would pick up a controller and play with me? Seriously?

No.

This is Japan.

“Too good to be true” here means, “You are a fucking idiot for even thinking it, you fucking dipshit moron.”

I was so into this women that I told my coworkers about her, and we scheduled a meeting on December 1st.

Then she e-mailed to say, “By the way, before we meet, I need to let you know, I am an MTF transgender. Do you still want to meet?”

FUUUUUUCCCKKK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

Why does everyone I meet have to be an epic drama story??

Are you serious, Japan?

Seriously, in 5 years here I have just wanted to meet normal women, but for whatever reason in just a short time I only met a child-killer, a Yakuza boss daughter, a celebrity, and a transvestite. Are you fucking kidding me?

I’m not ashamed in saying this person was very successful in his transition to a female, so much so that I really had no idea until he said so.

I was definitely imagining us playing games together and then going to bed together, and I admit I was quite happy with that thought.

(Before you think you can always tell, I lived in Thailand for 5 years and yes I always could tell, but it’s not a big thing in Japan so just looking at pictures you never really expect it.)

Leading into my big question for the audience.

What would you do? I called a Japanese friend and he said, “Well if he looks good enough, do it.”

I have no prejudices against any race or human, and I even admit that if I never knew the wiser I probably would have kissed him and even taken him to bed.

But now that I know, it’s never going to be like that.

Tolerance and understanding I can do, but that does not mean I am obligated to go sexual. My sexual preferences are what they are and there are no excuses. I am really attracted to women who behave like men, playing video games, drinking, talking shit, whatever.

So I have to ask myself why it is that when I finally meet a woman like that, who is perfect by my definition of a woman, but actually isn’t a woman except for physical form, that I can’t accept him/her as a romantic partner.

I have about 1 day to reply to him/her and I am choosing my words carefully.

I really understand his position and I don’t want to be rude. And he could have mislead me for longer but chose to be open about it. I’d probably have figured out on my own when we met because I really have a lot of experience there thanks to Thailand, but he was still up-front about it.

And not only that but he likes games I made and he watches shows in which I appear, and he might be a good gaming buddy.

To answer his question as to whether I would still like to meet, Yes, I would. Just not in any kind of romantic way.

What would you say? What would you do?

L. Spiro

First: transvestite != transgender. Transvestite is someone who cross dresses, whereas transgender is someone who identifies with the gender opposite their biological sex. Second: a good place to start, if you want to be polite, is by referring to a person by their identified gender. In your case, you would refer to this person as a woman and use she/her pronouns. I know this drives some people absolutely CRAZY ("but 'she' IS a he," etc) but it doesn't cost you anything and if a person is transgendered it's pretty likely that they want to be referred to by their chosen gender. Trans people have a hard enough time in society as it is, there's no need to add to it by insisting on using the wrong gender pronouns.

If you'd like to meet her still, then I think your response is alright: "Yes, I would, but not in any kind of romantic way." I think it's perfectly fine and understandable to say you aren't comfortable starting a romantic relationship with a trans person.

Sorry, L Spiro, that's pretty funny. I would politely say no. Just tell him/her, that you are conservative.

Who is the girl that's been your profile then?

Just tell him/her, that you are conservative.

I’m really not, when it comes to anything else. I really like the open-minded mindset of most Japanese.

But of course there is no budging when it comes to sexual activities etc.

If you'd like to meet her still, then I think your response is alright: "Yes, I would, but not in any kind of romantic way." I think it's perfectly fine and understandable to say you aren't comfortable starting a romantic relationship with a trans person.

My main concern is that she take it as a chance to convert me, or if she is less patient she is just disappointed.

I wish no one would get hurt in this case. Although you lectured me on terminology I am likely more understanding than you are (and I chose my terminology for specific reasons).

I have no doubts that she has been turned down for this reason many times.

It takes bravery to come out and say you are a woman trapped in a man’s body, and more to actually undergo surgery that will define your entire life there-after.

I sincerely respect that and I sincerely want to be the one guy who proves there is still hope for her.

I consider that my hardships are only 10% of hers. By being such a person, you are limited to a very small demographic, and if it’s this hard for me to find a mate it’s 10 times harder for her.

I wish I could somehow be her friend and let her know it will eventually be okay, without being the target of her romance, which will just lead to further disappointment for her.

But we met on a dating site where romance is somewhat part of the terms. I can just say I want to meet without romance but she is really just going to agree under the hopes that in time I will “come around”.

Who is the girl that's been your profile then?

A picture I drew in Thailand:

http://l-spiro.deviantart.com/art/Panda-3-69445314

L. Spiro

As a curious person, assuming I were into women I probably would have stuck with the Yakuza girl, simply because of how fascinating it would have been, ofc I would have to check if her dad was really a high rank. Me personally, well im a good boy, I never break the law and probably wont but that wouldn't stop me dating someone from a crime syndicate, I say this as a conservative person too or at least conservative in the British sense.

The others not so much, I could probably work with the trans, that doesn't bother me either. Celeb no, because I wouldn't want the fame of dating a celeb and the kid killer NO for the obvious reason, I probably would have reported her tbh

I personally wouldn't even meet her because there is that awkward hope people tend to have that something, anything will eventually lead to a relationship.

The fact that you're calling him/her "him" pretty much gives the game away, if you ask me.

L Spiro, you seriously missed a very good opportunity for

Where is your tan dude?

In my opinion, if you write here "he/his" to refer to your lady friend, you will not move forward at all with her. Just be polite and move on because you can't accept it for yourself, even though you don't prejudice it..