On the Yakuza issue, I didn’t leave in fear, nor do I fear posting that girl’s picture here (especially because Japanese live in a bubble and never visit any non-Japanese sites—Japan is a major hub of video-game development but when is the last time you saw a real Japanese here?), mainly because the Yakuza really don’t deal with westerners.

http://japaneseruleof7.com/my-very-brief-fight-with-a-yakuza/ He actually pushed the guy back only to have the guy bow to him and walk away.

Asian foreigners are not so lucky, but westerners really only get in trouble should they bring it on full-force on their own.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110831110218AAbQAZy

Of course, some rival guy toppling her father and killing his whole family would be different but that wasn’t the main thing on my mind.

Until now my run-ins with the Yakuza have been borderline but still mostly benign. Our old tri-Ace office was next door to a Yakuza headquarter and on lunch breaks we would sometimes have to walk through a crowd of old geezers (clearly not thugs, so at least some of them must have been high-ranking) in front of a limo getting ready to do whatever they were going to do.

My coworkers would point them out to me and tell me to be quiet when we passed through them until one day I was wearing the wrong shirt.

It means, “Seeking Japanese girlfriend.”

I wasn’t comfortable walking through that crowd that day with that shirt, but nothing really happened except one of them giving me a thumb up.

On the other hand, some of them are off their rockers.

A muscle guy lives in my building and I see him frequently outside and around.

Then one day I went to Shibuya for a job interview and I saw him there too.

About 2 days later we randomly got into the elevator at our building and although he hit his floor and I hit mine, he didn’t get off on his floor.

We went up to mine and I got off and he followed me, stopping me outside my room to issue a death threat.

And with no room for misinterpretation: “I’m definitely gonna kill you,” he said, in English. He also explained there, in English, that he used to be Yakuza. Given his build and tattoos I would take him at his word on that.

My crime? Apparently stalking him.

I went to Shibuya for a job interview and it just so happens that in that exact same building he has his own office. If we met on the streets of Shibuya he might consider that just random, but I was in his building and appeared to have an agenda (which I did—my interview) so because of his past he got paranoid.

Some of the Yakuza are crazy and paranoid, so physical safety is always some concern at some level.

But with her it was a matter of principle. I detest organised crime in any way shape or form.

And she may not be to blame for how her father is, but she goes on meetings with him and she is complicit. She knows what he does and she is helping him do it.

Sorry but she is not the right choice.

L. Spiro

Editing the ports on a toaster maketh not a blender.

I think it's typically well known who is in illegal organizations. The challenge is catching them doing something illegal.

Especially true for the Yakuza. They even have their own magazines. There are fan magazines as well.

It's very easy to spot a Yakuza member. They don't even try to hide it.

But yeah, I would never get involved with them. You're pretty powerless in Japan as a foreigner as it is. If you get in any sort of legal trouble, you're screwed. The police and courts aren't going to help you out. Adding the Yakuza into that mix is just asking for trouble.

It's very easy to spot a Yakuza member. They don't even try to hide it.

Wrong.

There are blunt-force guys who pride themselves on the perceived idea that they have the backing of a mafia when they bully others around, but in fact these guys are rare from the start and never make it in the Yakuza. They already had too much pride and they figured that joining the Yakuza would just enforce their approach to any confrontation. It actually makes sense that these guys never go far in the Yakuza because by Darwinian theory, these types of people necessarily dictate the demise of the Yakuza, thus by definition it is necessarily true that these kinds of guys get weeded out if the Yakuza is to exist.

Yakuza exists, thus those kinds of people are not part of Yakuza. Except for very short periods of time.

You will pass Yakuza members almost no matter how short of a time you stay here and never know it.

I didn’t know I was living in a building with a Yakuza guy even despite his muscles and tattoos, nor did I have any clue I was sleeping with a Yakuza boss daughter for 6 months.

His muscles and tattoos were not an indication. It turns out he was at that building at his own office because he is trying to start an IT business.

And as the article to which I linked mentioned, you really can’t tell. You could visit for a day and pass by 10 Yakuza without ever knowing.

In other words, until they get an order to take someone out or to cause trouble at an establishment unwilling to pay protection money, they are just random guys.

And I certainly never imagined I would be dating one of their daughters.

L. Spiro

Probably late on this one but:

What would you say? What would you do?

"Are you willing to go through surgery as soon as the chance appears?" (and hope she answers yes) Yeah OK, she wouldn't be able to get pregnant, but at least you know she won't want you to have to deal with certain part of the body.

Also, stop calling that person "him". If she thinks she's a girl then she's a girl. Seriously.

EDIT: oh, and on the yakuza... the problem is that they really hate foreigners. Better to stay away from them if you aren't Japanese, even the slightest mistake is going to get you in severe trouble.

Also, stop calling that person "him"

I did, and there is no question that I am really trying to base my actions under consideration of this person.

I am not going through easy times, but what would make my times easier is to help someone else endure even rougher times. I’ll start to feel good when she starts to feel good.

oh, and on the yakuza... the problem is that they really hate foreigners.

They really hate Asian foreigners.

Westerners get a pass. At least mostly. Some of them really hate the fact that we are here in their country. But they are such an extreme minority they don’t count.

They really hate Chinese and Korean foreigners.

L. Spiro

It's very easy to spot a Yakuza member. They don't even try to hide it.

Wrong.

Point taken. You're right, I shouldn't have made a statement like that when we're talking about a huge entity like this. It would make sense that behavior is going to depend on a lot of factors, like faction, where you are in the hierarchy and so on.

But man, it was a shock to be able to spot so many of them when I first arrived in Tokyo. I guess I was just thinking, "It's only like that in the movies and games", but then to see it with my own eyes...

Though now it does make me wonder how many I've interacted with. So far, I haven't knowingly done so. Though I guess the keyword is "knowingly".

Tattoos are very rare though. I think nothing of them in the US, but in Japan I noticed that I'm actually taken aback by them and find myself being judgemental.

Ow Spiro, I'm sorry to read that, you must be going through some serious shit!

As for the girl who likes killing babies, I wouldn't take it too serious. Since you live in Japan, you should know that japanese and alcohol isn't precisely a good combination. Or "any asian" and alcohol for that matter, from my experience.

Though the results are vastly different, (asian + alcohol) is always desastrous in my experience.

Drinking with Thais ---> Try everything on the menu, then stick with the really hard stuff. Drink for hours, hammer party, puke, pee your pants, pay about 50 times as much as what's on the bill (but who cares), walk home. They want to do it again the next day, but you still feel ill one week later. Good grief, how do they do it?

Drinking with Indians ---> Brawl after 45 mins. Happened twice on two occasions. Everybody against everybody, or so it seems (I didn't understand what it was about). Lucky if you can get out unharmed.

Drinking with Japanese ---> Stinkin' after 5 minutes, behaving like 8 year olds after 6 minutes, total perverts after 7 minutes, puking after 20 minutes, repeat cycle.

Drinking with Vietnamnese ---> Grotesque. Women who drink are "whores", but men who are peeing their pants are "strrrrrong men". So 50% of the audience is stone-cold sober, and the other 50% are getting drunk as fast as they can, then puke, repeat cycle, then brawl (seen on 3 out of 3 weddings). Same pattern for smoking (and I can't even tell what they smoke, it's abhorrent).

So in one word, only because you were getting her drunk and she said she'd like to kill babies, that doesn't necessarily mean she is like that.

About both Yakuza and transgender, has it occurred to you that they may be joking or trying you? (Though I would assume that the transgender one is genuine, from the pick-up pattern that you've described.)

Someone who is a high-ranked Yakuza spends more than $3000 before lunch, he won't be needing your puny money. Frequently needing a few thousand's loan honestly sounds much more like someone at the low end of the Yakuza food chain, or someone with a gambling problem (or both!) or someone who isn't Yakuza at all, but needs to pay the Yakuzas for his private fire insurance.

She might only have tried to sound interesting, or she might have lied to hide her shame. Of course her father might really be a high-ranked Yakuza, but supposed he doesn't have someone cut off your testicles for looking at his daugther (you dirty foreign devil), that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Yakuzas have family too, why not.

About the transgender, as said above, I deem it likely that this one is even genuine. The bad news is that MTF are much more disturbed than FTM ones. On the other hand, they appear much more "natural" from an anatomical and aesthetical point of view. You will need to use lubricant and obviously kids are out of the question, but otherwise you'll likely not be able to tell a MTF from a real woman (this is definitely not true for a FTM!). Well, except for being totally queer -- but if that's OK with you, no hindrance.

It may be a good idea to screen for STDs, though. Promiscuity is not the right word to describe the lifestyle of some transgenders, especially MTFs, so obviously there's a somewhat higher risk of catching a hepatitis.

I'd say you could just give it a try. After all, the chemistry seemed right before you knew, so generally it'd work.

And this:

My main concern is that she take it as a chance to convert me

is not going to happen. The fact that a MTF wanted to get rid of his own penis doesn't mean that you're supposed to lose yours. On the contrary.

While the FTMs that I've seen in surgery were mostly pitiful creatures (without being derogatory, they really were pitiful, with a look like a dog that's been beaten) and not few of them came to surgery with a male partner (so that would technically make them homosexual afterwards?), the MTFs were not. The vast majority of MTFs that I've seen were poncey to an unbearable extent before, and queer afterwards, but definitively not lesbian. Definitively appetite for penis.

So no, she won't try to convert you, fear not.

Himeka Shirosaki has Anime eyes!