Before I begin to talk about this game, I would like to say a few things. Feedback is appreciated, but please don't react badly and call this a copy of Pokémon, which leads me onto the next part. This is not a copy of Pokémon at all. It has some features based of Pokémon, but a lot of the game is entirely different. Note this game will contain some mild violence, but I would rate it around 12+. Another thing, don't be immature and dish it all out, 'cause you may get it right back. If you can take it, then give it, otherwise, don't even say it. That's common sense mainly.

The world is an amazing place. However, far away, in possibly a different universe, another land sits. Another world sits. Another possibility of amazing life, never seen in a Earthling's eyes. These marvellous creatures are called Monsterra. They are amazing creatures, some powerful, some playful, and some just darn annoying. However, every single one of these are based around one. This 'one' was the creator. The creator of Time, Space and Life. This Monstrosity was called Arknell. Being the creator, it is the most powerful that ever existed. Arknell's job was to create the universe, and begin Life, Time and Space. He did that. He created Zeitlineal, ruler of Time, and Espace, ruler of Space. Then there was life to think about. He didn't know how it happened, but it did. In between Zeitlineal and Espace appeared a glowing light, and that light formed a little egg. In that egg, the final two of the Group of Five. The egg cracked, and outside appeared only one. It was Vita, the ruler of Life. Slowly, appeared what was meant to be the 5th, but instead, a ball of rock appeared, but slowly, it took form, and showed itself to be Erderra, or the Land Mover. Altogether, there was 5, Arknell, Zeitlineal, Espace, Vita and Erderra. The 5 split into two groups, Arknell, Zetlineal and Espace were called the Creation Trio, and Vita and Erderra were called the Earth Duet. They were the original five, and gained the name, Sacred Monsterrainsa, or Sacred Monsterra for short. Then, Zeitleneal created Time, Espace created Space, and Arknell loomed over, making sure everything was alright. Vita created life. Erderra couldn't do anything until Arknell created the earth. Erderra was punished severely for being impatient, and thus the 6th Sacred Monsterra was born, called Aqcuasser, the water creator, and land destroyer. But only now was the earth created. Land was formed, and Water was spread. However, there was no atmosphere, and so, the 7th Sacred Monsterra was born, it's name was Aeridon, or the Dragon of the North. It created clean air, and the layer protecting it from destruction, the Ozone Layer. Thus, the world of Monsterra was born.

Notice: To Prevent this post being huge, I have put the storyline into spoilers. It's not much right now, but it will be HUGE. Seriously, the storyline plot is huge, it could take a while reading it. I may attach it to a file though.

[spoiler]

Rekor's Diary

Monsterra can't be friends. Impossible. They are too dangerous in battle, but from battles, they are nowadays more fights to the death. Blood everywhere, possibly the deaths of humans. Monsterra are enemies. They just have to be. There is no sense otherwise. They end our lives, I'll end theirs. How dare they end the life of my son. The human race is dying, and so, I must end Monsterra. I must destroy each and every single one of them. Including the Seven Mythical Monsterra. Goodness knows how I am going to do it without capturing them for my own. So, I will capture them, and finally, kill them. I could sap their powers, that's it! I will build a machine that can sap the powers out of all seven Mythical Monsterra, and use it for my own! I can create a world of my own, make it happen the way I want it, I can be the god of all!

[/spoiler]

The multiple hod creation myth reminds me somewhat of Hinduism.

Are you able to talk more about the me mechanics of the game? Is it like Pokemon where you capture and battle monsters? I only ask because you mentioned Pokemon at the start.

I'm planning a game to make. Want details? Hmm, maybe later.

Really do need details about the game itself if you want feedback on it.

With regard the writing only one thing stands out as jarring to me.

They end our lives, I'll end theirs. How dare they end the life of my son. The human race is dying, and so, I must end Monsterra. I must destroy each and every single one of them. Including the Seven Mythical Monsterra. Goodness knows how I am going to do it without capturing them for my own. So, I will capture them, and finally, kill them. I could sap their powers, that's it! I will build a machine that can sap the powers out of all seven Mythical Monsterra, and use it for my own! I can create a world of my own, make it happen the way I want it, I can be the god of all!

Specifically the motive translation from that of survival/revenge to that of I can be god and do things my way. Don't get me wrong, motives can and do change just not necessarily in a context such as this (an exception to this being if said character is a little off his/her rocker).

Looking forward to more

"Specifically the motive translation from that of survival/revenge to that of I can be god and do things my way"

That could work if the main motivation is to attain godlike power in order to bring his son back to life, that creates a nice bridge.

I like the idea of becoming a god by killing or collecting ALL the enemies to collect up their power. Meh about the creation myth; this kind of myth isn't to my taste. I don't mean creation myths in general, I like them; I mean the way this has a feeling of being haphazard and destined rather than something more logical, orderly, and with realistic motives behind it.

Hi everyone, got my replies here:

The multiple hod creation myth reminds me somewhat of Hinduism.

Are you able to talk more about the me mechanics of the game? Is it like Pokemon where you capture and battle monsters? I only ask because you mentioned Pokemon at the start.

I'm going to update the page with mechanic details soon. The game seems also will be developed, possibly in XNA. The Creation Myth wasn't based on the Hindu one at all. Dunno how that happened.

I'm planning a game to make. Want details? Hmm, maybe later.

Really do need details about the game itself if you want feedback on it.


With regard the writing only one thing stands out as jarring to me.

>They end our lives, I'll end theirs. How dare they end the life of my son. The human race is dying, and so, I must end Monsterra. I must destroy each and every single one of them. Including the Seven Mythical Monsterra. Goodness knows how I am going to do it without capturing them for my own. So, I will capture them, and finally, kill them. I could sap their powers, that's it! I will build a machine that can sap the powers out of all seven Mythical Monsterra, and use it for my own! I can create a world of my own, make it happen the way I want it, I can be the god of all!

Specifically the motive translation from that of survival/revenge to that of I can be god and do things my way. Don't get me wrong, motives can and do change just not necessarily in a context such as this (an exception to this being if said character is a little off his/her rocker).


Looking forward to more http--,,--//public.gamedev.net//public/style_emoticons/default/smile.png [/url]]

That first bit the "I'm planning a game to make. Want details? Hmm, maybe later." Is in my sig. I haven't updated that for a while.

Also, God_Rhythm pretty much answers the writing scheme.

"Specifically the motive translation from that of survival/revenge to that of I can be god and do things my way"

That could work if the main motivation is to attain godlike power in order to bring his son back to life, that creates a nice bridge.

That's sorta the plan.

I like the idea of becoming a god by killing or collecting ALL the enemies to collect up their power. Meh about the creation myth; this kind of myth isn't to my taste. I don't mean creation myths in general, I like them; I mean the way this has a feeling of being haphazard and destined rather than something more logical, orderly, and with realistic motives behind it.

Yeah, the creation myth is still WIP. The thing is, I need to get it just right for some tastes, because it is the intro cut scene in the game. Also, it needs some pretty decent music. http--,,--//public.gamedev.net//public/style_emoticons/default/huh.png[/url]] Dunno where I'm gonna get that from.

Edit @16:28

I'm during up a few concept sketches right now. In paint, it's not much, 'cause I'm no artist, but still.

The concept sketches are done, I'm now just waiting on fully finishing them.

Right, (sorry about this triple post) so, the sketches are done, know I am just doing a rough sprites on them. I've fully coloured them and all, now I've just gotta wait for the outcome *gulp*.

Quote
Zeitlineal, ruler of Time

I think I see what you were going for here, but I'm not sure the name means what you think it means. The german does translate to "ruler of time", but with the "ruler" being the measuring instrument, rather than the regent. The name just looks really off...

Regarding the creation myth itself:

The myth, as it is presented, is fairly generic, with the different Spirits doing their respective thing. Feels like there are already many variations of this around, so you may have to look into ways to make your own approach a little more interesting.

My first suggestion would be making the creation a little more condensed:

• Arknell (Monsterra) creates Zeitlineal (Time) and Espace (Space)
• Time and Space are created.
• from Zeitlineal and Espace spring Erderra (Earth), Aqcuasser (Water), Aeridon (Air) and Vita (Life).
• Earth, Water, Air and Life are created.

I like that you try to add personality to your mythical Monsterra. That's something that you could expand upon.

I was rather surprised to see earth being the impatient one. In my mind earth carries rather stoic properties. I would have naturally assumed air or life to be more impatient. I would also have assumed life to be the last thing created, as it requires the other elements to exist.

Reading your description I imagined Arknell as a grandfatherly figure, and Zeitlineal and Espace being the parents to four bickering siblings. I like the rivalry between earth and water, and would like to see air and maybe life added to that mix. Life would also make for a prime candidate for "being punished for impatience" (again, it would make sense if it were created last). Its punishment could have been to constantly having to renew itself, thus explaining the entire life/death thing.

Zeitlineal, ruler of Time

I think I see what you were going for here, but I'm not sure the name means what you think it means. The german does translate to "ruler of time", but with the "ruler" being the measuring instrument, rather than the regent. The name just looks really off...

The names are only temporary, and Work In Progress, like the whole game itself.

Regarding the creation myth itself:

The myth, as it is presented, is fairly generic, with the different Spirits doing their respective thing. Feels like there are already many variations of this around, so you may have to look into ways to make your own approach a little more interesting.

My first suggestion would be making the creation a little more condensed:

• Arknell (Monsterra) creates Zeitlineal (Time) and Espace (Space)
• Time and Space are created.
• from Zeitlineal and Espace spring Erderra (Earth), Aqcuasser (Water), Aeridon (Air) and Vita (Life).
• Earth, Water, Air and Life are created.

Yeah, I know there a many things based around this kind, but it will be changed over time, because somewhere above here, I stated that it will take time for it to be just right for a big audience.

Also, how would you like it to be more condensed? By adding more Monsterra, or just adding a little bit more story?

I like that you try to add personality to your mythical Monsterra. That's something that you could expand upon.

I was rather surprised to see earth being the impatient one. In my mind earth carries rather stoic properties. I would have naturally assumed air or life to be more impatient. I would also have assumed life to be the last thing created, as it requires the other elements to exist.

Ah, this guy is a little short tempered, and tends to blow (he's based off a volcano). When Erderra is angry, *gulp*, he tends to lose the plot, and is very, very impatient. Air and Life just wait, and they don't come until afterwards (Life doesn't, Vita is actually the fourth, but plays a huge role in creating life itself, just has a lot of patience. It's quite fairly-like, as well). Also, don't forget that this is in another world, you just don't know why the do and don't need to support life. Some Monsterra that I have planned live in lava.

Reading your description I imagined Arknell as a grandfatherly figure, and Zeitlineal and Espace being the parents to four bickering siblings. I like the rivalry between earth and water, and would like to see air and maybe life added to that mix. Life would also make for a prime candidate for "being punished for impatience" (again, it would make sense if it were created last). Its punishment could have been to constantly having to renew itself, thus explaining the entire life/death thing.

If it really was that simple, it would be. However, Monsterra do not age, and their appearance is very, "monster-like", and stays that way all throughout their lives, but if you built a power tree, then I guess you would be right, Arknell will be the boss, and then Zeitlineal and Espace being the Second-In-Command, and the four below (Erderra, Aqcuasser, Vita and Aeridon), they are just standard workers.

If you still have any questions, feel free to post them, or PM me.

Also, I would like to announce that Monsterra is going to be commercial. It's value is not yet decided though, however, it will be around £10, so it's not too expensive.

Leikaru, signing out.