Quote: Original post by Yann L

Quote: Original post by coderx75
I'm only 8 weeks into my first child, enough to still be reeling from the changes but maybe not enough to judge too harshly. Like the OP, I was horrified by the idea of having children until I met my wife two years ago. I just knew she was the person I wanted to have children with.

Giving in to primal instincts ? [wink]

I'm a bit in a similar situation as the OP. Coming into an age where lots of my friends are getting married and having their first kid. Together with my girlfriend we have chosen not to have kids any time soon. I know we would absolutely not live up to the task. We really value personal freedom as a couple, and we both have very time consuming and demanding jobs where we travel a lot. That, and I'm still freaking immature sometimes - I could really not picture myself raising a kid when I still behave like one myself on more occasions than I would like to admit [grin]

So, back to friends with first kids. What I have noticed is that these people change. And I mean radically. It sometimes feels like getting a kid erases some parts of your personality, sucking you into an isolated little bubble, at least from the point of view of an external observer. I understand that getting a kid puts you into a situation of great responsibility and makes priorities shift. But still, from observing some of my friends, they have just become dull and boring, to be honest.

That's probably inevitable. But at the same time it's kind of sad. You remember all the cool, weird and fun things you did together with your friends in the past, especially with those you have known since your early childhood. Then you look at them, living in their little bubble with wife and kid(s), and you realize that you have lost them, forever.

Oh well, that's how life goes I guess :)

Hahh, that gives me a kind of midlife crisis. I wasted my youth by not partying and doing nothing. I'm coming into that age too: people at my age have families, soon they will have children and so on. That's the problem, I won't be able to hang out with people at the same age but I don't want to hang out with younger people either. This is a normal thing but that means I will totally miss the young "college-life" way of living. Or I'll be totally alone with it, which is not fun either (I'm not that hippy-trippy-Jamaica-phony-shitface kind of person). From my boring, frustrated, coward teen ages I dropped immediately into the boring, stressed, grown up life. And I'm not interested in career at all and not it fake hobbies either. Well, I know a way to do something about it, but that's not very much. And that requires money what requires time to save, and I'm running out of time. (I'm 25, I'll be about 26.5 when I will able to do what I plan to do).

99% of the problems between parents and their kids is the fact that parents treat their kids like objects they are forced to carry around for 20 years. If parents treated their children like human beings by interacting with them, talking to them, and acknowledging them, kids wouldn't have to scream to get attention.

Quote: Original post by Yann L
What I have noticed is that these people change. And I mean radically. It sometimes feels like getting a kid erases some parts of your personality, sucking you into an isolated little bubble, at least from the point of view of an external observer.

Totally true. However, I'm on the other end of it. My wife and I are the first of our friends to have a kid and we are strangely set apart from the rest of the crowd. Things have changed considerably though. I wouldn't want my son seeing me do the things I did in my twenties and people don't really want to play a part in all that BS when a kid's involved. Even in my twenties, if I was hanging out with someone who had kids, it was very uncomfortable to see them doing anything "foolish" (and by foolish, I mean a typical Saturday night for the rest of us singles).

We're in our mid-thirties and have already started toning things down though. Our friends have wine parties which I'm sure we'll still go to. We're not opposed to having a beer or two at a restaurant while I'm bouncing away with the Moby wrap. I can't ever see us being as boring as other parents. On the other hand, I've already done everything there is to do and don't really feel the need for the party life anymore. That's been tired for quite some time and I needed a change.

Also, my career, which used to be exciting, has become pretty stagnant. Having a baby has really given me a sense of purpose again... and not in the my-baby-is-my-only-purpose way. It's made me look at my life and what's really important. I don't want to be a boring old dad with a job he hates. Too cliche. I've cut down to part-time work (the Chinese can have the freakin' rest) so I can have more time with my family and finish the game project (and other ventures) that I've been working on for the past couple of years. Would have been more convenient to see this when I had all the time in the world but better late than never.

So, I don't think I have to become what the horror the OP's described or be the dreary cliche but, it's too early to tell. I'm doing my damnedest though.