Quote: Original post by Alpha_ProgDes
Uh. Guys. Shouldn't we be asking her opinion on this as well?

Here. Allow me. Katie, how do you think the OP should go about socializing (not hooking up) with women? Also maybe also go about meeting women who are IT savvy?

Not speaking for Katie, but trying to verbalize what I think is the point Revyne was trying to make...

We communicate on three levels.

1) the words we say
2) how we say them
3) our body language

The appropriate physical contact Revyne was (I assume) a refrence to body language. People watch sometime and you will notice this. We do it for the most part on a subconcious level.

Say two strangers meet. Starts with small talk. As the conversation becomes more interesting both people will start to mirror each other. At some point maybe one will touch the others forearm...This is a non-verbal way of communicateing "what I just said is a joke", "I really mean that", "I'm in agreement with what you just said", etc. Almost always starts with the forearm, and usualy ends there if the intent is purely friendly. If there is a romantic connection (or the two people are good friends) the physical contact moves to other areas, upper arm, knee, upper back, leg. This is a generalization, and something often done subconciously.

Things like girls playfully smacking a guys arm are part of that. People watch and you can spot it everywhere.

I was half serious. The first half, that is. The horses are less important.

Don't try to 'get women.' Get a hobby instead, get interested, get occupied. Excel in something wonderful. If, when you've achieved that, you still even care about women... you'll have little trouble finding one.

Competence is sexy. Incompetence is not.

Quote: Original post by superpig
CompetenceConfidence is sexy. Incompetence is not.

Seriously, don't confuse the two. Being the worlds greatest mathematician isn't going to woo a girl; the confidence that you get FROM being the worlds greatest mathematician will, though.

[Edited by - PlayfulPuppy on August 10, 2010 11:56:51 PM]

Quote: Original post by PlayfulPuppy

Quote: Original post by superpig
CompetenceConfidence is sexy. Incompetence is not.

Seriously, don't confuse the two. Being the worlds greatest mathematician isn't going to woo a girl; the confidence that you get FROM being the worlds greatest mathematician will, though.

No. Superpig is right. Competence is social life of course. "Wanting to get a women" is neediness. Neediness shows despair, despair shows incompetence. It's so very simple.
Competence brings confidence, but confidence doesn't necessarily show competence.
Just one example (me of course). I accosted a girl one day with this: "Excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?" Absolutely confidently, cold-bloodedly, straight into her eyes (in fact, I was confident (with 3 beers in my lead))
FAIL



And I still say the same. Don't fake, don't be a phony. You (OP) wants to make friends, not just partying/f.cking with random people, whom he will probably never see again.
For me, one very important basis of friendship is feeling comfortable with them. Which obviously won't work if you are acting (and why on earth would anyone want to spent time with people with whom (s)he has to pretend that (s)he's having a good time??)


Of course, I'm not saying the OP shouldn't force things. Low self esteem has it's reasons, it's the OP's task to figure out which of these reasons are real, or just made up during the solitude (Like I made up things). And yeah, that is a hard thing. Maybe the OP should start with this.

Quote: Original post by solid gear solid
I simply do not have an idea how I get meet girls outside of a video game development studio. How can I when I can't do it now that I'm in college? I'm not bad looking at all btw.

Nor do I, as it seems to be completely random on my experience... I have been sort of successful at gyms - the room dedicated to spinning will typically be full of nice butts... Just don't expect much from those gals.

Needing muscle? Milk and egg-based protein shakes DO work. You might want to try them (available at the local store), you might eventually become more self-confident.

For me, the biggest boost of my self confidence was starting to live on my own. That gives you real goals (have to get from A to B), real problems etc. And the fact, that you can live on your own is very um.... self confidencing. If you can even cope with being completely alone, then you will be tough as a rock. And that's attractive.

Quote: Original post by szecs

Quote: Original post by PlayfulPuppy

Quote: Original post by superpig
CompetenceConfidence is sexy. Incompetence is not.

Seriously, don't confuse the two. Being the worlds greatest mathematician isn't going to woo a girl; the confidence that you get FROM being the worlds greatest mathematician will, though.

No. Superpig is right. Competence is social life of course. "Wanting to get a women" is neediness. Neediness shows despair, despair shows incompetence. It's so very simple.
Competence brings confidence, but confidence doesn't necessarily show competence.
Just one example (me of course). I accosted a girl one day with this: "Excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?" Absolutely confidently, cold-bloodedly, straight into her eyes (in fact, I was confident (with 3 beers in my lead))
FAIL

I think he meant confidence while not being blatantly retarded. Seriously, if you walk up to a girl and are overly confident it'll show (by asking goofy questions like that) in a bad way. There are different ways you could approach someone with that question and just get a polite answer based on how you ask it. If you ask it like an interesting, nice person you'll probably get a decent answer. If you ask it like Johnny the sleazball car-salesman you'll probably get a shrug off.

Oh, and either way don't lead with that line, you'd probably have more luck walking up and saying 'Are your parents dead?'

Quote: Original post by Valderman

Quote: Original post by BeerNutts
#2, laugh. When you're talking with people, and someone says something, and it's suppose to be funny, go ahead and laugh. Laughter makes situations better. Don't be a loon, and don't laugh at everything, but laugh at the things that you somewhat enjoy; even if you don't think it's worth a laugh, do it (yes, you might even have to fake laugh sometimes). If you smirk, go ahead and let out a laugh. Learn to fake laugh even.

#3, remember their name and use it a lot. People love their name, and they feel good when you call them out by it. When you see someone you only kind of know, don't worry if they know your name or anything else, if you know their name, say "Hi <Name>, how you doing!" (while smiling and looking them in the eye, of course :)

I disagree with those two. Laughing at something you don't find funny is not only hard, but won't really avail you if your goal is finding friends you enjoy being around. Of course, if the objective is to flatter some random person you think you may have some use for, that's another matter, but I wouldn't do that when it comes to people I consider friends. As for constantly calling people by name; that gets creepy easily. Unless it's to specifically draw someone's attention or disambiguate who you are talking to, avoid it.

The point of #2 is to loosen up, and laugh at the things you think are funny. Typically, shy people don't show alot of emotions, and will only smirk at a funny comment. Don't just smirk, let the person know you enjoyed the comment. Fake laugh: there are 2 kinds of laughs, real, uncontrolled laughter (ie, watching a great comedy), or fake laughter (the voluntary kind).

The point of #3 isn't to just constantly say their name over and over; it's to always add their name to a greeting, just saying "Hey, how are you?" isn't good enough if you know their name.

I thought those 2 would be self-explanatory, but obviously not.

Quote: Original post by solid gear solid
Like the topic title says, I'm afraid of working in the video game industry. My major is 3D animation and I will most likely get my certificate by fall 2011. Who knows if or when I'll get a job in a video game devleopment studio.

But I'm afraid of working there for 1 big reason: the majority of people working there are male like myself. I find it difficult to talk to women and to a certain extent, people in general. I'm the type of guy who will talk only if he is spoken to then I will start talking to you. I'm a real nice and cool guy I think. But I'm simply not social.

I'm trying to become more social because I only have 2 friends and I don't go out much. I need friends to be happy. That's not it, I need female friends too because the majority of my friends have always been male. I believe time is running out for me. I have to take advantage of still being in college where I can meet plenty of friends. But it's not easy for me. I know very little about making friends and being social. I consider myself boring because I don't really do much at all.

I also kept a very low profile in high school. I was only "open" to close friends. (which is the opposite of who I was in middle school; I had more friends and talked a lot). And I don't have a job because I really don't need it I suppose. I don't like being this lonely and I'm afraid I'll never find love especially in a career that is full of men.

What can I do about this? If I don't do something about my social life then I'll never have one. I don't do much for fun either. I just play video games, go to college, and go home and sit on my laptop. I find plenty of things boring and most of the time I simply don't feel like going out when I get the chance.

I simply do not have an idea how I get meet girls outside of a video game development studio. How can I when I can't do it now that I'm in college? I'm not bad looking at all btw.

Yeah I'm extremely paranoid. Any suggestions would be appreciated. This situation is really stressing me out. Should I speak to a psychiatrist about this? I don't know what I can do. I literally feel like I don't have a life. I see everyone around me with plenty of male and female friends, doing things that are fun and I can't relate to that at all and I don't know how to get any of that.

Thanks. I'm though this would be appropriate posting here. Just for the record I am not trolling or anything like that. I wanted to get this off my chest.

Based on what you're describing I think you'd have a hard time working any where- not just in the video game industry. In fact, the video game industry might be a bit more welcoming than some others people there are plenty of anti-social people in the game business. I can think of several programmers, artists and other type of folks that really kept to themselves. They were polite and very good at their job but they were not very social. Wasn't a big deal.

If you're wanting to meet girls then try several approaches. Take a few continuing education classes in things you enjoy. Maybe cooking, art, some type of sports related class. Anything that interests you. Odds are you'll meet guys and girls that are in the same class and perhaps share some of the same interests. Or join some type of activity. Many studios have sport teams like softball. Or do alot of social events. Start going out to these events once you're working there.

Your work is very important and can decide if you're hired or not. The way you contribute to the social environment at work can help decide if they keep you around or not. Not saying you have to be the life of the party always but you don't want to put people off, be too much trouble or too strange. Becoming more social will be a process. Simply take baby steps and start putting yourself out. Soon you'll realize that you know several people's names and will start having experience to share and remember with them. Later you'll start having shared jokes and such and the friendship will steadily grow.

Hope that makes sense.

Nate

Quote: Original post by PlayfulPuppy

Quote: Original post by superpig
CompetenceConfidence is sexy. Incompetence is not.

Seriously, don't confuse the two. Being the worlds greatest mathematician isn't going to woo a girl; the confidence that you get FROM being the worlds greatest mathematician will, though.

No, I meant competence.

It's not the same thing as raw skill; skill is involved, but it's more about knowing and understanding the skill you've got, i.e. being confident about your own abilities and limits. Picking your battles: reframing problems you encounter into your strongest areas, and yielding to others in your weakest areas. If you're the world's greatest mathematician, you won't think that you are anyway, so your second point is moot.