well... as with everything else, stop talking about it and start doing something about it.

now, I understand it is pretty complicated to change things while in highschool/college.. you have a definite image (probably bad) and it is hard to change it.
Well, the good news is that you'll find real life much easier than high school.. as soon you get out from the education phase and get into the working phase all the balances will change... so be positive, the best part of your life is coming, get ready to enjoy it.

Thanks scez. I'm beginning to feel a little bit better now. :-) I don't care about sex to be honest. I want to be social and have a relationship with a girl. I'm not desperate for anyone though. I did try going to places that weren't me just to experiement. By experimenting I would find out if I enjoyed it or not rather than saying "no" to every invitation.

Earlier this year my friend (who has plenty of friends, especially girls) invited me to see a performance. When it was over he spoke to some girls for a long time while I stood there feeling like an idiot without having anything to say. I literally had nothing to say about the conversation they were having.

LionMX - I will join some clubs for sure. I like physical activities such as fitness. I am considering taking Yoga. Not because most women take that but because it will help me relax and become flexible. Maybe I will take some mixed martial arts as well. But other than those, I don't really have many interests. Maybe if I try other activities out I'll find out if they are for me.

kunos - That may be true but I feel hopeless and that doesn't help me at all. I can't see myself going out much and not having any female friends. I just see myself being like a robot on auto-pilot: work then home, rinse and repeat. When I start thinking about something positive I jump back to the negative. It's so difficult to do soemthing when you don't know how. I feel nervous just thinking about it. Yet my friends do it (like hanging out with girls, calling them, etc.) all the time as if it was nothing. It probably isn't but to me it is. lol.

Quote: Original post by solid gear solid
Earlier this year my friend (who has plenty of friends, especially girls) invited me to see a performance. When it was over he spoke to some girls for a long time while I stood there feeling like an idiot without having anything to say. I literally had nothing to say about the conversation they were having.

That happens. But don't stress yourself about it. Trust me, it's easy to do so. If they ask about your opinion, just say "I have nothing to say". That happens. You will find people to whom you'll have a lot to say. Or you will find the people with whom you will just enjoy silence.

Sidenote: I even stutter. So sometimes I have something to say, I just know I won't be able to say it.

Don't force anything, it's soo obvious, everyone notices it.


Kunos is right. You have to get your ass up. Just like programming. Don't just read books. Program!

I should be here as an example. A-25-year-old who never had a girlfriend. Who has looked at the ground when walking till the age of 23. Who was afraid to ask for a hint from a stranger on the street. Especially from a group of young people.
And now, I made friends in 2 months. I can accost girls on the street and talk with them (okay, only if I have some reason to accost them...)
I just gut my ass up, stopped thinking about myself, stopped paying too much attention to myself and it works.

Now the only problem, is that I'm unemployed. I can have 3 bears per week. If I go to a nightclub, I have to eat passover for a week to compensate the prize of the ticket.

Quote: Original post by szecs

That happens. But don't stress yourself about it. Trust me, it's easy to do so. If they ask about your opinion, just say "I have nothing to say". That happens. You will find people to whom you'll have a lot to say. Or you will find the people with whom you will just enjoy silence.

Sidenote: I even stutter. So sometimes I have something to say, I just know, I won't be able to say it.

Don't force anything, it's soo obvious, everyone notices it.

Oh no I won't. I'll never be fake. I stopped caring about what people think of my thick accent because in the end, people will either like me or not. But I just feel like an idiot not having anything to say. I don't think many people would want to hang out with guys like me. I think it's ok to be silent if you don't have anything to say for a little while. If it's the entire conversation then it becomes bad.

I really feel lost when it comes to socializing and the whole friendship thing. It's as if I kind of forgot what those mean. I forgot the word I'm looking for but it has "social" in it. I should also mention that most of my friends were always into whatever was popular while I only enjoyed things I enjoyed. I think that is part of the problem. I was probably too secluded and isolated. I kind of feel the same way today but not as much. For example, I wonder why most of my friends were into music while I wasn't at all.

The first thing you need to do to break out of an old habit is to force it. I consider lack of social skill as a habit, rather than a personality problem. Whatever you did in the past encouraged you to speak less and avoided people. The fact that you are aware about it now shows that it's not in your personality.

First, uninstall all video games. I hate to say this on a game development forum, but you need to avoid whatever is attracting you to the computer. I bet your 3D modeling skill is that good that taking a break from it for a couple of months isn't going to hurt you at all.

Second, find a life outside of what you normally do everyday. Learn other skills. Take something like a photography class, or dancing, or whatever where there's a mix of people coming from different backgrounds. Having multiple skills is important for your own personal development.

Third, learn social skills. This includes how to listen and what to ask. Ask these people about their life and what they do. This will give you clues what's like to be outside of the games industry. Also, do not be shy or afraid to tell them what you do. It might seem nerdy, but it's not. You need to shine too and let people know what you do.

Lastly, you need to be confident about yourself and who you are. Everything boils down to this. You can be the nerdiest person out there, but if your confident is up here and you know how to social with people from other backgrounds, you are good. Believe it or not, everybody craves the same thing you crave. Attention and somebody who can understand them. If you show that you understand them, they will like you.

I, too, no longer work in the game industry. Part of it is what you said, another part of it is the nature of the industry that it requires crazy amount of hours and pay is generally less. Another reason is the fact that these game companies hire you only because they need people to do the grunt work.

Why do I like making games? Because I like the creativity involved. I want to be creative in things I create. Unfortunately, you won't be able to do that there. These executives won't let you make your idea come to reality unless either they trust you or it's already done. They have their own idea. They want you to listen to their idea! Good luck in trying to get your revolutionary idea across. $$$ is what they care. "Hey, check out the cinematic from game X! It's so awesome! Can you make ours just like that?" I guarantee you that you will get that. Bunches of copycats they all are. This is why some industry vets go indie. Can't stand the crap that's going on in the industry. It is now driven by money.

Quote: Original post by solid gear solid

Quote: Original post by szecs

That happens. But don't stress yourself about it. Trust me, it's easy to do so. If they ask about your opinion, just say "I have nothing to say". That happens. You will find people to whom you'll have a lot to say. Or you will find the people with whom you will just enjoy silence.

Sidenote: I even stutter. So sometimes I have something to say, I just know, I won't be able to say it.

Don't force anything, it's soo obvious, everyone notices it.

Oh no I won't. I'll never be fake. I stopped caring about what people think of my thick accent because in the end, people will either like me or not. But I just feel like an idiot not having anything to say. I don't think many people would want to hang out with guys like me. I think it's ok to be silent if you don't have anything to say for a little while. If it's the entire conversation then it becomes bad.

I really feel lost when it comes to socializing and the whole friendship thing. It's as if I kind of forgot what those mean. I forgot the word I'm looking for but it has "social" in it. I should also mention that most of my friends were always into whatever was popular while I only enjoyed things I enjoyed. I think that is part of the problem. I was probably too secluded and isolated. I kind of feel the same way today but not as much. For example, I wonder why most of my friends were into music while I wasn't at all.

Nonononono, you are making up excuses. Get your ass outside!
Try life! That's the only thing we can do. Try things. Don't make up excuses. There's no excuse. I guess you are not retarded/disabled/ugly/etc. So there's no excuse.

Okay, it will be a lot easier, if you start your own life. On your very own. You will realize real problems and fake/made-up-by-yourself problems. That will give you short time goals (you need to get from A to B, who cares if someone is laughing at you on the street? You want to have a beer. Who cares if you don1t make any friends while doing it?)
That was the thing that forced me to get my ass up. Now, I only need a damned job.


Maybe there's neediness in making friends too. The problem with neediness is: you become desperate. And that's very spectacular. Who wants to be your friend, if you are desperate because you know you are not a good friend material.
And the second thing, neediness tends to make you accept ANYONE. But that's not good. If you can't enjoy yourself with a group, that's not a FAULT. You just don't match. Go on, try something else (of course, do not fall to the other side and be a trippy-hippy).

wow! 5 new posts already! I love it when somebody asks for help with their social life/girlfriend here. All nerds gather up in arms and help the poor guy.

[grin]

Quote: Original post by alnite
wow! 5 new posts already! I love it when somebody asks for help with their social life/girlfriend here. All nerds gather up in arms and help the poor guy.

[grin]

I1m not a nerd 11!1!! I hav 2 gurls fonenumber

Quote: Original post by szecs

Quote: Original post by alnite
wow! 5 new posts already! I love it when somebody asks for help with their social life/girlfriend here. All nerds gather up in arms and help the poor guy.

[grin]

I1m not a nerd 11!1!! I hav 2 gurls fonenumber

I can has her numberz?

Quote: Original post by programmermattc

Quote: Original post by szecs

Quote: Original post by alnite
wow! 5 new posts already! I love it when somebody asks for help with their social life/girlfriend here. All nerds gather up in arms and help the poor guy.

[grin]

I1m not a nerd 11!1!! I hav 2 gurls fonenumber

I can has her numberz?

0700-92122
0700-411500