You remind me of a friend I have. You are too focused on external worries such as women and friends when you have a lot of internal struggles to combat.
Take some time to find yourself and improve upon your weaknesses, friends and stuff like that will come easily once you fix yourself.
I also fail to see why you're afraid of working in the video game industry. There's nothing wrong with tons of males in your workplace, in fact it could be beneficial. Unlike you, they probably know a lot of women they could introduce you to. They could motivate you to talk to some cute girl you see when you and your buddies go out to the bar. Also, having work buddies will improve your social nature and allow you to feel more confident when you do go searching for women.
Just relax. Fear isn't a bad thing unless you succumb to it. Use fear as a catalyst to change and achieve your goals.
I'm afraid of working in the video game industry...
Quote: Original post by Hardcharger
You remind me of a friend I have. You are too focused on external worries such as
I mean.. honestly... we all have been like that for some part of our lives, for some it is a 1 day phase, for some 1 month, 1 year, 10 years.
Eventually people come out of it.. if they don't, sorry to be blunt, Darwin takes over and you get preselected for extinction without offspring.
welcome to planet earth
Stefano Casillo
TWITTER: [twitter]KunosStefano[/twitter]
AssettoCorsa - netKar PRO - Kunos Simulazioni
Quote: Original post by kunosQuote: Original post by Hardcharger
You remind me of a friend I have. You are too focused on external worries such as
I mean.. honestly... we all have been like that for some part of our lives, for some it is a 1 day phase, for some 1 month, 1 year, 10 years.
Eventually people come out of it.. if they don't, sorry to be blunt, Darwin takes over and you get preselected for extinction without offspring.
welcome to planet earth
Asking for help is a way to get out of it. I was in a similar shoe. I asked for help, and just by writing things down, I realised some fundamental flaws in my thinking. That helped me. So after all, I didn't get help, but trying to get help (especially if it's against your pride, and it was hell a lot against mine) is a good start.
A few thoughts:
- It's easier to date if you have money.
- A stable career is attractive.
- It is very hard to maintain a relationship when you're unemployed.
- When asking a girl if she wants to go out, make sure she knows it's a date.
- If she asks if someone else can come along you probably didn't make this clear or she's not interested.
- Thinking and planning only get you so far but action gets results.
- Don't be afraid to fail.
- Learn from your failures.
- Dating someone from work is a bad idea.
- Sometimes bad ideas are fun (if you can handle the consequences).
- Not all women at bars are looking for a date.
- Most women on dating websites are looking for a date.
- There are plenty of fish in the sea. But if you don't like saltwater fish then maybe you should be on a lake or a river. You definatly shouldn't keep going to the same place catching the same fish if you don't liking what you're getting.
- People have some obsession with having lots of friends they barely know when they only need a couple friends they can trust.
I've heard a lot of people say stuff like that you just have to go out there. You just have to tlka to someone. You just have to be yourself. To which I'd think that if it was that simple I wouldn't have a problem. I think it's kinda like learning to walk. It's difficult to explain because when it's something that's second nature to someone they don't think about how they do it they just do it. You have to find your balance and keep at it until you get it right.
- It's easier to date if you have money.
- A stable career is attractive.
- It is very hard to maintain a relationship when you're unemployed.
- When asking a girl if she wants to go out, make sure she knows it's a date.
- If she asks if someone else can come along you probably didn't make this clear or she's not interested.
- Thinking and planning only get you so far but action gets results.
- Don't be afraid to fail.
- Learn from your failures.
- Dating someone from work is a bad idea.
- Sometimes bad ideas are fun (if you can handle the consequences).
- Not all women at bars are looking for a date.
- Most women on dating websites are looking for a date.
- There are plenty of fish in the sea. But if you don't like saltwater fish then maybe you should be on a lake or a river. You definatly shouldn't keep going to the same place catching the same fish if you don't liking what you're getting.
- People have some obsession with having lots of friends they barely know when they only need a couple friends they can trust.
I've heard a lot of people say stuff like that you just have to go out there. You just have to tlka to someone. You just have to be yourself. To which I'd think that if it was that simple I wouldn't have a problem. I think it's kinda like learning to walk. It's difficult to explain because when it's something that's second nature to someone they don't think about how they do it they just do it. You have to find your balance and keep at it until you get it right.
work in the student bar for 1 year after graduation. That will sort you out, it sorted me out!
Quote: Original post by szecsQuote: Original post by programmermattcQuote: Original post by szecsQuote: Original post by alnite
wow! 5 new posts already! I love it when somebody asks for help with their social life/girlfriend here. All nerds gather up in arms and help the poor guy.
[grin]
I1m not a nerd 11!1!! I hav 2 gurls fonenumber
I can has her numberz?
0700-92122
0700-411500
I'm so smooth with my lines that I can get a girl's phone number from a guy. Either that or I've just been tranny surprised...
I'd not so much worry about finding both girlfriends and girl friends in the same stock of women. Yes its important that you be friends with your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you should set out to create a girlfriend from a friend, or that you should concern yourself with making sure a failed attepmt at making a relationship connection leaves room for a friendship connection. Both of these lines of thinking and acting are unappealing to a potential mate -- it makes you look unconfident and needy.
If you're interested in a girl as a friendship, then treat her as a friend, and don't try to test the waters or prove to her what a good boyfriend you'd make. There is nothing you can *do* that will change a woman's mind about you once its already made up.
Conversely, if you're interested in a girl as more than friends, don't make the mistake of treating her as one. Don't be pushy, creepy or blatantly overt -- but there are subtle ques in the way you interact which say clearly that you are interested in more. Be interested in her, but not over-eager; pay her a compliment; tease her a little (its actually ok to bring her down a peg, as long as its not meant to hurt her feelings) -- flirting is 90% teasing, I find; make appropriate physical contact early. Most of these things are done to show here that you're not treating her like a glass doll, which is a sign of confidense in yourself -- which is what women find appealing in this behavior. If you spend all your time trying to be a perfect, non-offensive, overly-PC guy, you're just going to come off as a stick-in-the-mud.
If you're interested in a girl as a friendship, then treat her as a friend, and don't try to test the waters or prove to her what a good boyfriend you'd make. There is nothing you can *do* that will change a woman's mind about you once its already made up.
Conversely, if you're interested in a girl as more than friends, don't make the mistake of treating her as one. Don't be pushy, creepy or blatantly overt -- but there are subtle ques in the way you interact which say clearly that you are interested in more. Be interested in her, but not over-eager; pay her a compliment; tease her a little (its actually ok to bring her down a peg, as long as its not meant to hurt her feelings) -- flirting is 90% teasing, I find; make appropriate physical contact early. Most of these things are done to show here that you're not treating her like a glass doll, which is a sign of confidense in yourself -- which is what women find appealing in this behavior. If you spend all your time trying to be a perfect, non-offensive, overly-PC guy, you're just going to come off as a stick-in-the-mud.
throw table_exception("(? ???)? ? ???");
"make appropriate physical contact early."
Might I recommend getting an understanding of what "appropriate" and "early" mean before following this advice.
Might I recommend getting an understanding of what "appropriate" and "early" mean before following this advice.
Quote: Original post by Katie
"make appropriate physical contact early."
Might I recommend getting an understanding of what "appropriate" and "early" mean before following this advice.
Well, the problem with this advice, is that you can't even define "appropriate" and "early". You can't define "girls". You are dealing with individuals. So tricks and recipes won't help, there is no such thing as "girls" and "boys". There are persons, and they are different. This difference can be bigger than the difference between the genders (I'm talking about personality, not biology).
So for one girl early means immediately, for another girl it means a very long time.
The same for "appropriate".
So general advices are almost useless. (IMHO. I'm not Travolta or anywho)
'Appropriate' and 'early' are specific values for each girl (if you can't define 'girl' you've bigger problems). You need to learn how to evaluate these per-girl based on a short period of interaction, not learn a fixed value for each.
Also looking like you're not making a big deal of it lets you get away with it. Friendly open people pat each other on the back, if you look like it's turning you on just sitting next to a girl that is more creepy.
Also looking like you're not making a big deal of it lets you get away with it. Friendly open people pat each other on the back, if you look like it's turning you on just sitting next to a girl that is more creepy.
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