Disregard females. Acquire horses.

Disregard horses. Acquire unicorns.

4 simple things that will help you in all social situations, and will help you MAKE friends (including girls); meeting people is the easy part, making them friends is the hard part.

#1, Smile, people always feel better when they see someone smile. Think about that person you see occasionally who smiles at you; it always makes you feel better, and you even think that person might care about you in some way.

#2, laugh. When you're talking with people, and someone says something, and it's suppose to be funny, go ahead and laugh. Laughter makes situations better. Don't be a loon, and don't laugh at everything, but laugh at the things that you somewhat enjoy; even if you don't think it's worth a laugh, do it (yes, you might even have to fake laugh sometimes). If you smirk, go ahead and let out a laugh. Learn to fake laugh even.

#3, remember their name and use it a lot. People love their name, and they feel good when you call them out by it. When you see someone you only kind of know, don't worry if they know your name or anything else, if you know their name, say "Hi <Name>, how you doing!" (while smiling and looking them in the eye, of course :)

#4, look people in the eye. This seems obvious, but, most people with low self-esteem have trouble with this. Other people feel odd when talking to someone who doesn't look at them. It might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but fight thought it, it will feel normal soon.

And like others say, ask them questions. The more specific, the better (ie "How was that Calc class?" instead of "How was your day" if you know they had a Clac class).

Anyway, I hope this helps.

Disregard unicorns. Acquire dragons.

Quote: Original post by BeerNutts
4 simple things that will help you in all social situations, and will help you MAKE friends (including girls); meeting people is the easy part, making them friends is the hard part.

#1, Smile, people always feel better when they see someone smile. Think about that person you see occasionally who smiles at you; it always makes you feel better, and you even think that person might care about you in some way.

#2, laugh. When you're talking with people, and someone says something, and it's suppose to be funny, go ahead and laugh. Laughter makes situations better. Don't be a loon, and don't laugh at everything, but laugh at the things that you somewhat enjoy; even if you don't think it's worth a laugh, do it (yes, you might even have to fake laugh sometimes). If you smirk, go ahead and let out a laugh. Learn to fake laugh even.

#3, remember their name and use it a lot. People love their name, and they feel good when you call them out by it. When you see someone you only kind of know, don't worry if they know your name or anything else, if you know their name, say "Hi <Name>, how you doing!" (while smiling and looking them in the eye, of course :)

#4, look people in the eye. This seems obvious, but, most people with low self-esteem have trouble with this. Other people feel odd when talking to someone who doesn't look at them. It might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but fight thought it, it will feel normal soon.

And like others say, ask them questions. The more specific, the better (ie "How was that Calc class?" instead of "How was your day" if you know they had a Clac class).

Anyway, I hope this helps.

i dont know about laughing if you don't think its funny. Thats pretty hard to master. If something amuses you find a way to add to the banter with your insightful comic genius.

Quote: Original post by BeerNutts
#2, laugh. When you're talking with people, and someone says something, and it's suppose to be funny, go ahead and laugh. Laughter makes situations better. Don't be a loon, and don't laugh at everything, but laugh at the things that you somewhat enjoy; even if you don't think it's worth a laugh, do it (yes, you might even have to fake laugh sometimes). If you smirk, go ahead and let out a laugh. Learn to fake laugh even.

#3, remember their name and use it a lot. People love their name, and they feel good when you call them out by it. When you see someone you only kind of know, don't worry if they know your name or anything else, if you know their name, say "Hi <Name>, how you doing!" (while smiling and looking them in the eye, of course :)

I disagree with those two. Laughing at something you don't find funny is not only hard, but won't really avail you if your goal is finding friends you enjoy being around. Of course, if the objective is to flatter some random person you think you may have some use for, that's another matter, but I wouldn't do that when it comes to people I consider friends. As for constantly calling people by name; that gets creepy easily. Unless it's to specifically draw someone's attention or disambiguate who you are talking to, avoid it.

Quote: Original post by Valderman
You're going to come off as desperate and creepy, highly unattractive traits, and if you manage to land a significant other despite that (seriously, you won't)

Y'know, I've never quite understood why people always say this as if women are somehow better judges of character than everyone else. Ever gone out with a girl that's a clingy psycho? Yeah, most girls you've ever met have similar stories to those, and those clingy psychos don't come from nowhere.

Of course, I'm not supporting the 'be creepy' angle here. Just letting the guy know that, no matter what approach you take, it'll work on someone. Although for your own sanity you might as well go with the 'be honest and sincere' option, it's less stress in the long run (Keeping lies straight is a real bitch, and there's always the chance you'll get in 9-iron-to-the-head trouble for it one day).

Ultimately, you've just gotta get out there and talk to people. Go and have a couple of drinks at a bar, alcohol does wonders for bringing people out of their shell (Although probably wise to not get lampshade-on-head drunk, unless it's that sort of party). Get some practice in there!

Also, one thing that helps you get out a lot more is just never say no to experience. Someone invites you along to something you're not sure of? Go anyway. I have millions of crazy stories from really good nights that I didn't even want to go to originally.

No, don't ever fake your laugh. There are only two true types of laughter. The genuine real kind, where you are reacting to something you found truely funny. And polite laughter, that little "ha ha" acknowledgement of something said or done in the attempt to be funny.

Example: If your boss, in transit to thier office in the morning, tries to lighten the mood with a little throwaway comment like "you're still here?". And you respond like its genuinely funny, you come across as a kissazz...

Don't do that. Being genuine means you don't do non-geniune things...Like fakeing your laugh.

Quote: Original post by Katie
"make appropriate physical contact early."

Might I recommend getting an understanding of what "appropriate" and "early" mean before following this advice.

Uh. Guys. Shouldn't we be asking her opinion on this as well?

Here. Allow me. Katie, how do you think the OP should go about socializing (not hooking up) with women? Also maybe also go about meeting women who are IT savvy?

I was in a somewhat similar situation to yourself, and the thing that helped me a lot was to sign up on a free dating site (and create an interesting profile, by my standards) and just talk to people (online through text and voip) that had an interesting profile.
Of those that I messaged, many never responded, many responded in ways indicating they had no interest in conversing, many ended up being conversationally incompatible, and many had social skills equal to or lesser than mine. However, a few of the interesting people I messaged actually responded and were willing and able to converse, and by talking to those people, I significantly improved my ability to converse and my comfort in doing so.
To improve my initial comfort level, I started out only talking to people significantly outside what I considered a reasonable commute range. Eventually, I felt I was ready to actually start meeting people, and thus messaged somebody in my town. I've almost been married to her for a year.
The site I used for the above-mentioned exposure therapy was okcupid.com