Malaysia.

NOT in the cities. And it happens on family level. Long story. Seriously.

On the topic, I think I understand it now. I mean, when American want to have this law, they obviously have think it from all aspect. Lawyers, thinkers, etc, and this law get passed. There is a reason for it, I'm sure. If not, the law would have been banned in the first place.

If you built it, they will come. Adult Adoption Law is available, I will use it. Hah.

Quote "So you want someone to call you up, complain about how you never call them, bitch about the rest of your relatives and pester you to start having kids?"

Okay, maybe 10 years old? On serious side, that's why I really picky on who's going to be my parents. It's either the parent from my dreams, or Oregon State University lecturers. Psychology department is a plus.

If you feel you need to do this, go for it. Be the person you want to be, and if that means pursuing adopted parents, do it and don't worry about what others think. Many people might think you are strange for doing this, but given your situation, it sounds perfectly justified.

On an interesting sidenote, I have noticed that most Indian males are much more open and aware of their feelings than Americans. Must be a cultural thing.

Yes, I will pursue it. i'm getting my Visa this year. If they don't reply, I will met them face to face and talk things over, maybe at their office or someplace public & safe for both of us. If they need time to know me, that's okay too. But if they said 'no', then I just put up an advertisement at Oregon State University. Maybe I can be a son and test subject at the same time.

Test subject on psychology level, not chemical.

edit : I'm not Indian, but Malay.

Still, I do notice Ramit (http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com) fit your description, admit it, and proud of it.

@FableFox: Stop living in the past, man up and stop bitching.

@Those attending Oregon State University: Invest in a bullet proof vest. Seriously...

Quote: Original post by FableFox
I want the friend to treat me the way your friends treat you as of now. You know, someone you can talk to, cry on the shoulder with, share some problem, talk about life, etc, etc. A person that be with you despite what happening between you and your wife. what happened to your job. etc etc.

Corrected...


Seriously, I do wish you luck in this most unusual adventure. But I think you would be so much better off fostering some healthy adult relationships rather than hold out for some 'blue fairy' to grant your adaption wish.

HINT: As I've been married before, you must realise that sometimes your inlaws will act like your parents as well. ;)

Quote: Original post by Obscure
Why would you need a mother/father at 30? Your parents job is to protect you as a vulnerable child, until you are old enough to look after yourself. Once you become an adult they have to let you go and you have to make your way in the world. They stop being your parents and become your friends - hopefully deeply loving friends because of the earlier bond. What you need now is to move forward and develop adult relationships of your own with friends and or a partner - someone you can form a life bond with and maybe even have children of your own.

I don't think I know anybody who has a totally normal "friend" relationship with their parents. Even when older, parents will typically help out and care for their children... which is something very close friends might do, but I don't think many people have friends that close, even those with a "best friend".
Paternal love is a lot less conditional than a normal friendship relationship, and of course often more controlling/mentor-like.

Adopting a non-minor sounds very weird but I can see what FF is getting at. It's something between a very close friend and a mentor I suppose, which is pretty rare even in 'normal' life. You'd have to give a lot of accountability to the 'parents'.

My suggestion is that maybe just getting to know more people in an older age group might help. It's not hugely common to have many friends in a totally different age group to yourself, outside of family. I go to church which puts me in a much wider cross-section of people, and it must seem strange to some people when we go out for dinner as friends with people old enough to be our parents... I' sure they think these people are our parents in fact!
So maybe you might even look for a church with friendly people who should be setting out to be caring and act as a family together. Or, you could join some club/society which has more older people, especially couples. Like a Bridge club or something...

Quote: Original post by kanzler
@FableFox: Stop living in the past, man up and stop bitching.

I have to agree with Herr Kanzler here. We all had demons in our past. For some, these demons were terrible, for others not so terrible. However, the fact that you realize that you lack in certain skills is the first sign that you're on the road to improvement(I assume wanting a parent is because you lack skills, not because you feel unloved). Instead of actually trying to fix a 'bug' in your past, why not look towards the horizon and see what's behind that?

If you find that you lack social skills(From what I've read by skimming over the thread), work on those. Look up books on how social dynamics work, how interactions between humans are structured. Yes, social skills can be boxed together in a nice structured diagram and adhere to certain rules. Learn to understand these rules, internalize them and use them. At first it may appear artificial, but later on when you learned how it all works, it becomes an automation. Most people learned this during childhood via experimentation and observation.

If you feel the need for love. Work on that social skillset and hit on girls. Plenty of girls out there, and there's bound to be one that will want to love you. An adoption parent isn't going to show you with love and affection out of nowhere. That has to develop over the course of YEARS. Besides, as an adult, you don't see your parents as often as you did as a child. I see my parents once every 2 to 3 weeks because I live an hour away.

Quote: Original post by kanzler
@Those attending Oregon State University: Invest in a bullet proof vest. Seriously...

I think that's the best advice given on these boards in weeks [grin]

Toolmaker

You think meeting a woman, spending years getting to know and love her, becoming the greatest of friends, eventually marrying, possibly even giving birth to your own kids..

..you think this is all somehow less meaningful and satisfying, not to mention "SECURE" than finding some random pair of old people and getting adopted?

I'm willing to bet you've never had a girlfriend, or even a really close friend who's a girl. That's not a smear, it's an educated guess. Trust me. Adult relationships aren't meaningless contracts that may or may not end up in Divorce Court TV.

You mention that there is more about divorce then there is about reversing the adoption, that can be explained by the difference in number between the people who get married and the insane who get adopted long after they should be needing parental support.

I agree with Dooohg, parents become more than friends after you have moved out. They will always be there for you. I think thats the kind of relationship your looking for. That relationship doesn't exist because they can call themselves your parents, it exists because they raised you for years and loved you. You can't replace that by getting some piece of paper saying that some lonely old couple, who have probably violently lost their real children, are your parents.

You need more counseling, and then you need to find someone you can fall in love with. Your parents may be more stable but a wife/girlfriend who truly loves you and who you truly love will know you better then your parents ever will.

Quote: YES. If they treat me the way I want to be treated.

And what if your expectations are too high?

There's nothing wrong with looking to become part of a family or to find in someone something that you never had from your parents. But it sounds to me that you have a lot more going on you need to deal with. I don't think finding these parents you're looking for is going to solve your problems. In fact, I'd expect that even if you were lucky enough to find people willing to adopt you that it's unlikely they'll live up to the fantasy parents you've built in your mind and you're going to find yourself in a deeper hole than the one you're already in. Or, if you were somehow fortunate enough to find the parents of your dreams... what happens if they do something that disapoints you?

Stick with the counciling. What you actually need might not be what you think. (or maybe it is, I don't know, your counciler would have a better idea than me which is why sticking with him or her would be the best plan)