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For Those of You Who Have Children

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18 comments, last by 3Ddreamer 8 years, 7 months ago

For those of you who have children, how do you balance out your coding and spending time them? I have an almost 7 month-old son and I'm usually up all night long programming because I can't sit down without distraction during the day for the most part. During the night is usually the only time I can actually sit down and think without interruption. I want to spend as much time with him as possible, but I also NEED to work on my projects.

How do you guys do it?

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Well, I have twins (2 years old) plus a five year old and I'm lucky as I work from home two days a week.

I isolate myself in the bedroom with the desktop PC during work hours, and then after my work hours are done I spend a little time each of those days on my game. I also develop my game on lunch breaks when I am working from home.

Once I step away from the PC I am done, but I still research things on my phone when they're gone to bed.

Some time about a year ago I gave up Facebook apart from go promote my game, and the time I saved in not spending my downtime scrolling through inane app requests and egotistical posts gives me tons of time free to read this forum, read up on tech etc, and note down ideas in the phones notepad for later implementation.

My advice is give up some social media like I did and use that time for gamedev.

Also don't risk your laptop around a 7 month old. I'm sure you already know this but you'll lose your laptop to vomit, prized off keys, etc.

Good luck and have fun!


I isolate myself in the bedroom with the desktop PC during work hours, and then after my work hours are done I spend a little time each of those days on my game

I would love so much to be able to do that, but I watch him during the day when his mother is at work. It's not that I don't have time to work on projects, it's that I don't have uninterrupted time. We wake up, I change/feed him, put him on the floor in front of me with all his toys and work on my project. I sometimes set him next to me so he can watch, but he likes to press the keys and, as you could probably imagine, it starts to get aggravating.

I really want to get him into programming so we could do it together when he's older. He loves playing with my smartphone (he even managed to call his mother once). I don't know if all baby's are like this, but electronics really grab his attention. He mostly just chews on them now, but he'll play with them over, say, a stuffed animal.


Once I step away from the PC I am done, but I still research things on my phone when they're gone to bed.

That's sort of what I do. I'll take breaks during the day occasionally. And then when I'm done coding for the day/night, I'll still stay up and research solutions for problems I was having. Then the next day I'll apply those solutions.

I really want to get him into programming so we could do it together when he's older. He loves playing with my smartphone (he even managed to call his mother once). I don't know if all baby's are like this, but electronics really grab his attention. He mostly just chews on them now, but he'll play with them over, say, a stuffed animal.

Is he interested in harder objects because he's teething, or is he interested in what the grown-ups are using? (probably both)

Understanding the reasons for his behavior might allow you to find better ways to occupy him (amusingly, the same applies to game design - understanding the players' motivation helps you entertain them).

Most toys seem to be designed for getting parents to buy them, rather than actually entertaining or educating the child (cutesy animals that look nothing like real animals, bright colors that parents think their kids will like, and so on). For example, if you buy a child his own "cell phone" toy, it'll be bright orange and green and look nothing like your cell phone (edit: a quick glance at Amazon shows that they do a much better job nowadays then they did 10 years ago), so he'll still want yours. But if you get a toy cellphone that actually looks like yours (in color and shape), that child may play with it much longer, because it's the same type of object that daddy uses. Same with things like toy laptops (even real laptops designed for kids); the bright orange and green may help move merchandise off the self by selling it to parents ("It's brightly colored, therefore your kid will enjoy it and it is obviously child-safe!"), but children can tell there is a difference between their brightly colored thing and your metallic grey, silver, or sleek black device.

Toys don't seem to entertain infants long. It takes them like 30 seconds to "figure it out" and then they lose interest and move on. At 7 months he's just exploring his environment, not really using his own creativity to entertain himself (that's when you break out Playmobil and Legos and train sets and let them entertain themselves for hours laugh.png - but that comes later), and when he's just exploring his environment, a toy is part of the environment and doesn't take long to understand (though you can give it extra life by, say, teaching him how to bang it against a pot to make noise, which will give it a few more minutes of life). By cycling toys (making them disappear for weeks before making a re-appearance later), they can be re-discovered for another bit of distraction. At that age, it's not the quality of the toys but the quantity and extreme variation, for a minute of distraction here, or two minutes there, on each one.

Consider pulling cushions off the couch and arranging them on the floor in his play area (changing his environment so he can re-explore it), and maybe introducing him to some toy that makes more interesting noises (vet the noise first, to make sure it's not one that'll drive you crazy laugh.png).

If you have entertaining ideas figured out in advance, when you're in the middle of deep debugging, you can pull them out (from say, an opaque grocery bag on the couch next to you), and give him something to do while you come to a better stopping point in your programming.

This book is also worth picking up.

(I'm not a parent. I just come from a large family and currently have a seven-month old nephew living with me. However, his mom (my sister in law) and my sisters do most the work entertaining him, and my programming isn't interrupted like yours is. Primarily, I just give them a break every now and then, and also help with putting him to sleep at nights (rocking chair = win, but I have to walk around carrying the infant for a bit first, before I can sit down and rock him without him protesting)).


Is he interested in harder objects because he's teething, or is he interested in what the grown-ups are using? (probably both)

I honestly have no clue. His mother knows all the medical-technical stuff about him. I know how to change him, play with him, and put him to sleep. It's probably because I've never been around baby's before, but I like to think that he's "advanced" for his age. I feel as though he is actually interested in what I am doing, and wants to try it himself, but simply can't due to physical/mental limitations.


Toys don't seem to entertain infants long. It takes them like 30 seconds to "figure it out" and then they lose interest and move on. At 7 months he's just exploring his environment, not really using his own creativity to entertain himself (that's when you break out Playmobil and Legos and train sets and let them entertain themselves for hours laugh.png - but that comes later), and when he's just exploring his environment, a toy is part of the environment and doesn't take long to understand (though you can give it extra life by, say, teaching him how to bang it against a pot to make noise, which will give it a few more minutes of life). By cycling toys (making them disappear for weeks before making a re-appearance later), they can be re-discovered for another bit of distraction. At that age, it's not the quality of the toys but the quantity and extreme variation, for a minute of distraction here, or two minutes there, on each one.

He actually will sit and play with one toy for a decent amount of time. My smartphone, for example, if he's in the mood, he be content playing with it, I just have to unlock it for him and he'll open all the apps, call random people, etc. He's texted before, also. It was an equation and most likely not intentional, but I still thought it was interesting. I have a picture of it actually.

uFEcTQo.png?1

I only have a problem getting time to hack away when my kids come home to visit now. Even as I speak every gaming device in the house is in use.

A few decades ago when they required constant attention, I had to give up anything like a hobby or a social life. It's the price you pay for being a responsible parent. It doesn't last long. In fact, in hind sight, it's probably all too short.

Stephen M. Webb
Professional Free Software Developer

It's the price you pay for being a responsible parent. It doesn't last long. In fact, in hind sight, it's probably all too short.


This is very important.

When they were a year old or younger I didn't have time for anything but kids and work to buy the things they needed.

That time goes by fast though and will never come again.

Treasure it!

I have much less programming time now that I have small children.

In order to make the most of it, I plan really well in advance exactly what it is I need to do.

I never planned prioritized tasks outside of work before, but now I do so on my hobby work.

Always having an open TODO list in front of me helps me make the most out of the little "alone" time that I do have.

My Oculus Rift Game: RaiderV

My Android VR games: Time-Rider& Dozer Driver

My browser game: Vitrage - A game of stained glass

My android games : Enemies of the Crown & Killer Bees

I'm lucky, I have special needs wife and son in that they both have disabilities that make them wheelchair bound, but my son had other underlying health issues. I used to stress over my time, but since my son's scoliosis corrective back surgery in October my daily schedule is fairly constant now. 9am get up and take care of son's health needs, after everything is done (~noon) he makes his mom play Minecraft on his PS3 til 7pm when she stretches out to watch tv or play on her iPad. 7:30 to about 9pm I'll boot up my PS3 and either play Minecraft or GTA online in a private server on our second tv with my son. 10pm I get him ready for bed and take care of his health needs. 10pm to midnight I play GTAV single player or old school games (Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross, right now), midnight to 3am I program. Rinse and repeat. I do program during the day just not nonstop like I do at night. Being my wife and son's full-time caregiver makes it a lot easier than if I had a 9 to 5 job.

I also have 2 year old twins so, beyond my office job, I don't program or even really sit in front of a computer anymore. I do sometimes have a chance to program recreationally during my lunch hour and it is sufficient for me. There was awhile where I was doing some studying for a work related thing. I talked with my wife, made a plan to study for about an hour once a week, and things worked out just fine.

So my suggestions:
Like braindigitalis suggestion for giving up social media, look at what other time you have available where you could be coding instead.
Talk to the mother to try and find a way allocate time between the two of you so that you have the ability to spend some time focusing on your project.
If your project is something that brings in an income or is directly job or career related, approach it as such.
If your project is something that is recreational, also approach it as such.

Also just because you have some sort of plan doesn't mean that's a guarantee you won't be called back to parental duty in an instant. If you're mentally prepared for this it's easier to switch gears.

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