I stopped in at Wal-Mart to get some vitamins for my brain and some corn beef hash. I had wanted to get more sardines because the ones I had at home were from a warehouse store and I don’t like them as much but sadly they did not make it onto my mental list until I was thinking back on the visit. It took me a while to find the DHA supplements I was looking for to help lessen the effect of my ADD, but eventually I made my way to the canned meat aisle.
As I was looking for my beloved hash meat, I saw on the floor ahead of me across the aisle, what looked like a hundred dollar bill folded in half! “Woo!” I thought and froze in the face of my good fortune. It was one of those new ones with the large portrait and I could see most of Franklin’s face as it was folded almost exactly at the tip of his nose.
To my horror, a large woman with peach colored hair approached my yet unclaimed hondo. In her mouth, was one of those cigarette stalk things you would see in Cruella De Vil’s possession. It had a cigarette in it but it was not lit of course. “Why carry it around in the store like you were smoking?” I mused. Distracting as her appearance was, my main concern was whether or not we were going to argue about my money, because at that point SHE was closer to being one C-note richer than I was. Since she was looking down at what presumably was her grocery list, it was a very real possibility she would see it before she passed it. My heart pounded and I had a sudden inspiration. “Do you know where the corned beef hash is?” I said very pleased with myself. Annoyed, she looked up and pointed, “Ain’t that it there?” I was so glad I outfoxed this cantankerous woman because she would have just bought more clown makeup with MY money! Politely, I said my thank you and waited for her to walk by.
Two quick steps, and I was in position to claim my prize. My cell phone rang. I ignored it. As I started to kneel to snatch it up, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
$100 (yes, I wrote this)
And then...
So did you find the corned beef hash? Did that woman ever light her cigarette? WAS THE PEACH COLOR OF HER HAIR REAL???!!! You can't leave us hanging like that, man. You just can't.
Nice story.
my main concern was whether or not we were going to argue about my money
From this point questioning the character's moral fiber became moot.
I've read about the idea guy. It's a serious misnomer. You really want to avoid the lazy team.
So did you find the corned beef hash? Did that woman ever light her cigarette? WAS THE PEACH COLOR OF HER HAIR REAL???!!! You can't leave us hanging like that, man. You just can't.
I won't.
reminds me of Roald Dahl's twisted tales.
No, nothing fantastical in this one.. yet?
Nice story.
my main concern was whether or not we were going to argue about my money
From this point questioning the character's moral fiber became moot.
Yeah, that's what my brother said. Sort of.
Although, he thought he was using that bit of writing to positively identify me as the main character while forgetting the goals of the writer in terms of audience. Whether the story is fact or fiction uncovers diametrically opposed revelations about myself, the writer, and the character.
Character=SelfishDouche
If Character=latch and Character=Writer then
latch=SelfishDouche
else
Reader=DoesntKnowWhatsHappening
end if
It was her husband, equally grandiose, asking in an accusative tone if it was your intent to insult his wife by asking her where the corned beef hash was. He subsequently blessed your face with a blackened and swollen eye socket, taking his blob of a wife underneath his arm while they laughed all the way to the checkout.
[ deftware.org ]
So did you find the corned beef hash? Did that woman ever light her cigarette? WAS THE PEACH COLOR OF HER HAIR REAL???!!! You can't leave us hanging like that, man. You just can't.
