Ever since English has become the lingua franca of the technical world it has become filled with kludges and coined words like 'eigenvector.'

What we really need is a central committee to decide what is correct English and what isn't, like the French have. Proper Canadian English, of course, not that snotty pompous British stuff or the lazy half-assed American stuff. Of course, by the time the Aussies and Kiwis and Africans have figured out what's going on it'll all be too late and every call centre in India will have converted.

With the proper committee in place, all you will have to do is apply for a new word, pay a small fee, and wait. It's just that easy.

Hm... Sounds like a good stable market for startups on making new English words for a fee. The more I think of it, without applying common sense, patenting the idea of creating English words seems like a douche but profitable plan.

Hm... Sounds like a good stable market for startups on making new English words for a fee. The more I think of it, without applying common sense, patenting the idea of creating English words seems like a douche but profitable plan.

I love software patents! They are a great way to foster innovation and technological growth! I will claim patents for the word "the" and the letter "e". If you want to use my word or my letter, you're going to need my permission -- which I can deny if it competes with my own interests, and if there isn't a conflict of interest, I will charge you for their use! Since the word "the" contains the letter "e", you'll get double charged for its use. its two different patents! Since I own both patents, I can make the rules on their use (however arbitrary). If you use my patents without my permission, I will sue your pants off in court and block your paper/text from my market because its illegal!

While I'm at it, I think it'd be a good practice to start combining every possible letter combination which isn't already taken (a few simple for loops should do it) and patent the results. Once I have those patented, I can start sending patent infringement notices to every english speaker. They may or may not have infringed on my patent, but settling for $5 with me is cheaper than paying a lawyer by the hour to fight me in court.

To the OP: No, you may not invent new terms and words! Language is static and the language police will never allow it! ...and you'd infringe on my newly patented words.

To any subsequent replies: If your reply is critical of me or my interests and uses my patented word or letter, you're in violation of my patent. Non-critical replies will be charged a $50 infraction fee for each usage of the word "the" or if its a subset of a larger word using it ("their", "there", "thespian", "other", etc.) and $2.72 for use of my patented letter "e" (because I like the Euler constant).

Now, let's have 10 page replies on why we love patents

slaymin, patnts r lam bro, stifls human progrss and---

I can't do this, what is the fee? *grumbles and picks open wallet*

slaymin, patnts r lam bro, stifls human progrss and---

I can't do this, what is the fee? *grumbles and picks open wallet*

Illegal post! It's critical of my view and interests in controlling the market space!

In all seriousness though, we need some serious patent law reform/abolishment. The system we have in place right now has grown ridiculous. "Fostering innovation"? yeah, right...

This reminded me of this: