Hello, and I'm a new RPG programmer with little experience. I was just wondering if this storyline is good so that I can see if this is a worthwhile project to pursue. ~ Mystic Quest: Orbs of Power ~ Setting: It starts in an ancient time period. During this time, advanced civilizations were using primitive technology had already developed high standards of philosphy. Important Elements: There are eleven elements in the Earth. These elements harness the power to change environmental and physical features of the Earth. Each element is present in crystal shards, which when molded into orbs will control the element in which it possesses. The eleven elements are (in order): Light, Darkness, Revolution, water, metal, fire, wood, wind, earth, thunder, and ocean. The evil shadow king is threatening to seal all of these elements inside his staff to control the earth, bringing hellical environment. Storyline: [Insert Character here] is chosen by fate to save the world. One day, when he walks home from the city lake, he ventures into the forest and sees a glowing stick on the floor. It is pure white, and when he picks it up, it creates a celestial explosion that just illuminates the entire forest. Then, shadows pop out of nowhere and try to destroy him. Involuntarily he says words and they are destroyed. Consious of the shadow king's evil deeds, he tries to save the world by going from city to city and defending them, and trying to absorb their energy so that he can become stronger. How is it?

Not to bad, but not to good either. Crystal shards are wuite commonly used, why not find another? Say, some kind of sand from different parts of the earth which you use to make the orbs or something. Also, you main charactor: why is he chosen? You should reveal it sometime during the game. To be non-original he could be the decendant of some mage, have wandered into a mystical cave as a kid, or have had his village burned down in the past. The point is, you need something to have happened.

And how is he 'Consious of the shadow king's evil deeds'? Has he heard of his works from townsfolk, when the shadows attacked him do they let something slip, or does the magical explosion give him unkown information?

Quote: The eleven elements are (in order): Light, Darkness, Revolution, water, metal, fire, wood, wind, earth, thunder, and ocean.

How is ocean different from water? What is revolution? How is metal a element if it in turn is part of earth? You should make sure to have a bunch of spells/powers lined up for each element, or merge elements into one if you can't think of enough.

Quote: wind, earth, thunder, and ocean.

LOUD NOISES!!!

Sorry... you may want lightning, although, maybe not. Your choice.


Overall it is a nice start, just be sure to add onto it, and don't be afraid to cross out things later.

I have to agree with Servant,

Your storyline and layout is a little convoluted... Many of the elements already have a place within others (ocean, water,)(wood, metal, earth)(what the heck does revolution have to do with anything?) That and the whole connection between "Mystic" and "Orbs" just screeeeaaaams Final Fantasy.

If you want people to even pay mediocre attention to your game, I'd try something a little more original. Keep the objects for the hero to collect (although don't call them orbs, try something more ingenuitive), and maybe scratch the whole lurking evil bit. I mean, how obvious does a game need to be to tell the player something in the world isn't right? I'd like to see it as more of a mystery, one that unfolds as the player progresses. Makes the storyline much more captivating.

So then he comes home from a fishing trip, picks up some random glowing stick on the floor which suddenly explodes (wtf), making a bunch of crazy shadow people appear that try to kill him.... glowing stick? C'mon bro, you gotta be more creative than that. Maybe you're still in early writing stages, and that's what I'm assuming. Your story has a rather cliche' start, but if you try to pull away from the final fantasy bit and really (I mean REALLY) flesh out your story, it could be good. Otherwise it's just another dime a dozen RPGMaker game that people whip up in a weekend. I don't mean to be overly critical, but if you don't fix it in the beginning, its really hard to turn things around later down the road. Good Luck!

Thanks alot for the advice guys!!

It was really helpful. However, I left a bit out when I made that post. Yes, I am still in the beginning stage, and it is a little too Final Fantasy-ish.

A little more in depth:

Each element possesses unique entities that make it special:

Light ~ The Element of the Sun. Possesses the power to control the dark, powers of the light, and celestial energy.

Darkness ~ The Element of the Moon. Possesses the power to control the light, powers of the dark, and dark energy.

Revolution ~ The Element of the Universe. Possesses the power to control time, dreams, path, balance, karma, and psy energy.

These three are the Mental Types. They are all similar in many ways, just possess a different spectral view.

Physical Elements:

Water ~ The Element of Mercury. Controls the element of water ITSELF. It controls ice, water, and temperature. It is a manipulative element.

Metal ~ The Element of Venus. Controls metallic and mirror forces, and is a guardian element.

Fire ~ The Element of Mars. Controls fire and all components of fire, such as fuel. It is an attacking element.

Wood ~ The Element of Jupiter. Controls biological land creatures, and has the ability to heal. Healing element.

Air ~ The Element of Saturn. Controls all wind and air forces, and flying abilities. It is a manipulative element.

Earth ~ The Element of Uranus. Controls the earth and the core, and plate tectonics. It is a guardian element.

Thunder ~ The element of Pluto. Controls thunder, and magnetism. It is an attacking element.

Ocean ~ The element of Neptune. Controls the Ocean, and the biological sea creatures. Healing Element. The difference between water and ocean is that water is the element chemistry, whereas ocean is the life origin, the auroras of the earth and the atmosphere.

I just made up the storyline without much thought.

Quote: Original post by jt92
Physical Elements:

Water ~ The Element of Mercury. Controls the element of water ITSELF. It controls ice, water, and temperature. It is a manipulative element.

Metal ~ The Element of Venus. Controls metallic and mirror forces, and is a guardian element.

Fire ~ The Element of Mars. Controls fire and all components of fire, such as fuel. It is an attacking element.

Wood ~ The Element of Jupiter. Controls biological land creatures, and has the ability to heal. Healing element.

Air ~ The Element of Saturn. Controls all wind and air forces, and flying abilities. It is a manipulative element.

Earth ~ The Element of Uranus. Controls the earth and the core, and plate tectonics. It is a guardian element.

Thunder ~ The element of Pluto. Controls thunder, and magnetism. It is an attacking element.

Ocean ~ The element of Neptune. Controls the Ocean, and the biological sea creatures. Healing Element. The difference between water and ocean is that water is the element chemistry, whereas ocean is the life origin, the auroras of the earth and the atmosphere.

Are you going with greek/norse gods or planets? For a ocean isn't really common on the planet neptune, nor does forests/wood grow on jupiter as far as I know(which isn't far).

And you still might want lightning over thunder, if it is a offensive magic.

Anyhow, glad I could be of some help.

By the way, I'm pretty sure Mystic Quest is a name that has already been used. You should google that before being sued...

Quote: Original post by Fournicolas
By the way, I'm pretty sure Mystic Quest is a name that has already been used. You should google that before being sued...

Yes, it was a Super Nintendo spin off of the Final Fantasy series.

I dunno, revolution? It makes me think that you're gonna make something spin. Either that or you're going to make them dance to floating arrows.

If you want something to be master of the universe/time, use epoch or something. Or you could just say time or flux.

I dislike it immensely. It sounds like you've taken the worst stories in JRPGs and thrown them in a blender. You've cited a cliched story, and you haven't shown any spark of having something deeper or emotionally charged to say. General rule of thumb, if you're creating a story to fill a void, rather than because you have something to say, then it's probably not a story worth telling.

Personally, I'd rather play a pure gameplay RPG than one with that kind of story.

That's a harsh way of putting it, but I share the same sentiment. What you have there isn't so much a plot as it is a shopping list: a string of items the player has to collect. It's a little simplistic. You didn't even establish the characters asides from affirming one is super evil and one is super good.

My only suggestion is to try and make the story less goal oriented. Roleplaying plots that rely on the "collect x of y" gimmick tend to stagnate. The only reason the Zelda games get away with it is due to incredible production value and gameplay.

[Edited by - Radiostorm on May 15, 2006 10:28:45 PM]