Andy-Pandy:
WHAT THE??
Did you seriously type all that just to tell a joke?
That is so funny that it's not even funny that its funny! I could only read half the thing before skipping down to the punchline. "You can MEOW that again???".
I appreciate that, and its very funny, yet I am mad about it at the same time! =).
Whatever.
P.S. "You can MEOW that again"???
Bad Jokes
33,739
December 14, 2006 12:53 AM
Why won't this thread die?!? [sad]
Well, here's a joke I heard on thanksgiving:
One day Satan approaches Jesus and says "I'm tired of this struggle to over throw you, I challenge you to a programming duel instead! Winner gets to rule as king."
Jesus, calm and quite, shrugs and accepts.
The both sit down at computer desks and start writing code. Satan types and types and types, and finally glances at Jesus' screen. Glee overcomes him as he sees that Jesus has only 200 lines of code, as he, satan, has over 2000! Laughing, Satan goes at it with renewed speed and his fingers fly across the keyboard in a blur. 4000 thousand lines of code, 10,000 lines, 30,000...
Suddenly, to Satan's horror, the power goes out.
Mad with fury, Satan quickly starts up his developement suit, and glances at Jesus' screen. All of Jesus' work was still there, while his, satan's, was lost.
Satan looks up and says to God, "Father! Why does Jesus still have His code while mine was wiped away in the blackout?"
God speaks aloud and states two words: "Jesus saves"
Well, here's a joke I heard on thanksgiving:
One day Satan approaches Jesus and says "I'm tired of this struggle to over throw you, I challenge you to a programming duel instead! Winner gets to rule as king."
Jesus, calm and quite, shrugs and accepts.
The both sit down at computer desks and start writing code. Satan types and types and types, and finally glances at Jesus' screen. Glee overcomes him as he sees that Jesus has only 200 lines of code, as he, satan, has over 2000! Laughing, Satan goes at it with renewed speed and his fingers fly across the keyboard in a blur. 4000 thousand lines of code, 10,000 lines, 30,000...
Suddenly, to Satan's horror, the power goes out.
Mad with fury, Satan quickly starts up his developement suit, and glances at Jesus' screen. All of Jesus' work was still there, while his, satan's, was lost.
Satan looks up and says to God, "Father! Why does Jesus still have His code while mine was wiped away in the blackout?"
God speaks aloud and states two words: "Jesus saves"
463
March 06, 2007 09:55 AM
Hey Servant of the Lord!!! This is the Bad Joke Thread and that was a good one!
Here is a really bad one... I hope you like Japanese Food :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
A: Whassup B?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Luck!
Guimo
Here is a really bad one... I hope you like Japanese Food :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
A: Whassup B?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Luck!
Guimo
500
March 06, 2007 10:42 AM
A man goes to the doctor with a boil (a localized infection deep in the skin if you didn't know) and asks the doctor, "what can I do about this painful boil?"
Doctor says, "Go home and prick the boil, come back tomorrow and tell me how it is"
Man comes in the next day, face all red and in extreme pain.
Doctor says, "What's the matter?"
Man says, "I went home and boiled my prick just like you said and..."
Doctor says, "Go home and prick the boil, come back tomorrow and tell me how it is"
Man comes in the next day, face all red and in extreme pain.
Doctor says, "What's the matter?"
Man says, "I went home and boiled my prick just like you said and..."
193
March 07, 2007 02:28 AM
Romanian "bad jokes" (translated into english):
Q. What's a polar bear?
A. A rectangular bear with a different coordinate system.
Q. What's the best contraception method?
A. A definitely 'NO!'
Q. How do you get rid of the smell of onion?
A. Eat garlic!
Q. Why did God create Adam first?
A. To give him a chance to speak, before Eve came.
Q. How many types of women are there?
A. Beautiful women, smart women and most of them.
Q. When is the only time a man considers a romantic, candle-light dinner?
A. When there's no electricity.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A. About 30 kg.
Q. What's the difference between a white cow and a black cow?
A. The white cow goes "moooo", the black one goes "mooo man!"
Q. Can a man who lives in Florida be buried in LA?
A. No, because he still lives!
Q. What do american-indiens do with their horse skins?
A. They keep their horses in them.
Q. What has four feet and a hand?
A. A doberman who played with the postman.
Q. What's the difference between a RON (romanian leu) and a dollar ?
A. One dollar.
Q. What's the difference between a train and a cat?
A. The train can go through tunnels, but you can't use the cat as a hammer.
Q. What's the resemblance between a man and a remote control?
A. They are both simple, easy to use and you usually find them near a TV set.
Q. What's the resemblance between a vulture and a mole?
A. They both travel underground, except the vulture.
Q. What does a blonde and UNIX have in common?
A. They are both multi-tasking and multi-user.
The hysterical pig goes to a shop:
- Do you take orders?
- Of course, sir.
- Ten-Hut!
The hysterical pig is riding a bus. An old lady tells him:
- Please sir, could you close the window? It's cold outside!
He slams the window shut, then says:
- There, you stupid bitch. Is it hot outside now?
The tooth fairy visits the hysterical pig:
- Hi there little piggy! You can make any wish you want!
- Die, bitch!
Q. What's a polar bear?
A. A rectangular bear with a different coordinate system.
Q. What's the best contraception method?
A. A definitely 'NO!'
Q. How do you get rid of the smell of onion?
A. Eat garlic!
Q. Why did God create Adam first?
A. To give him a chance to speak, before Eve came.
Q. How many types of women are there?
A. Beautiful women, smart women and most of them.
Q. When is the only time a man considers a romantic, candle-light dinner?
A. When there's no electricity.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A. About 30 kg.
Q. What's the difference between a white cow and a black cow?
A. The white cow goes "moooo", the black one goes "mooo man!"
Q. Can a man who lives in Florida be buried in LA?
A. No, because he still lives!
Q. What do american-indiens do with their horse skins?
A. They keep their horses in them.
Q. What has four feet and a hand?
A. A doberman who played with the postman.
Q. What's the difference between a RON (romanian leu) and a dollar ?
A. One dollar.
Q. What's the difference between a train and a cat?
A. The train can go through tunnels, but you can't use the cat as a hammer.
Q. What's the resemblance between a man and a remote control?
A. They are both simple, easy to use and you usually find them near a TV set.
Q. What's the resemblance between a vulture and a mole?
A. They both travel underground, except the vulture.
Q. What does a blonde and UNIX have in common?
A. They are both multi-tasking and multi-user.
The hysterical pig goes to a shop:
- Do you take orders?
- Of course, sir.
- Ten-Hut!
The hysterical pig is riding a bus. An old lady tells him:
- Please sir, could you close the window? It's cold outside!
He slams the window shut, then says:
- There, you stupid bitch. Is it hot outside now?
The tooth fairy visits the hysterical pig:
- Hi there little piggy! You can make any wish you want!
- Die, bitch!
Q: How many programmers does it take to write a nice piece of software?A: MORE.
March 26, 2007 01:20 AM
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan...
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan...
BRING BACK THE BLACK (or at least something darker)
122
December 16, 2007 10:34 PM
Quote: Original post by frostburnQuote: Original post by Boris KarloffQuote: Original post by Avatar GodQuote: Original post by benryvesQuote: Original post by skittleoI don't get it. [embarrass]
How do you fit an elephant onto a subway....?
... You take the 's' out of sub and the 'f' out of way.
Me neither... I've heard jokes like this... but...
Thirding that. I thought it'd be a phonetic thing, but it isn't, as far as I can tell. Explain.
Not sure, but I think I got the "f... out of way" part ("..." included for clarity)
S U B W A Y - Taking out the S leaves UBWAY which makes no sense but if you Take the "f" out of way... well the answer is... drum roll... "There's no f'in way!" Cheers!
102
December 21, 2007 03:39 AM
Q. What do you call a Whore with no legs?
A. Cash and carry.
A Catholic, a Protestant and an athiest row out into a small lake, to go fishing. The Catholic suddenly stands up and says "Oh dear, we forgot to bring drinks..." He says a quick prayer and jumps out of the boat, walks along the water into the horizon. He returns a few minutes later with some drinks and all is well. The athiest is stunned.
Some hours went by and they didn't catch anything, so the Protestant stand up and says, "We're all hungry, so I'll get some food". He jumps out of the boat, walks along the water, and disappears over the horizon. He returns some time later with fish and chips. They eat them and all is well.
The Athiest stands up and says, "Thank you both, I now believe in God. I've seen the light!". The two priests congratulate him and they all pray for some time. He then jumps out of the boat, sinks like a stone and drowns.
The protestant turns to the catholic and says, "do you thing we should have stopped him?"
The catholic says, "No, I think we should have told him about the stepping stones."
[Edited by - shotgunnutter on December 21, 2007 3:39:14 AM]
A. Cash and carry.
A Catholic, a Protestant and an athiest row out into a small lake, to go fishing. The Catholic suddenly stands up and says "Oh dear, we forgot to bring drinks..." He says a quick prayer and jumps out of the boat, walks along the water into the horizon. He returns a few minutes later with some drinks and all is well. The athiest is stunned.
Some hours went by and they didn't catch anything, so the Protestant stand up and says, "We're all hungry, so I'll get some food". He jumps out of the boat, walks along the water, and disappears over the horizon. He returns some time later with fish and chips. They eat them and all is well.
The Athiest stands up and says, "Thank you both, I now believe in God. I've seen the light!". The two priests congratulate him and they all pray for some time. He then jumps out of the boat, sinks like a stone and drowns.
The protestant turns to the catholic and says, "do you thing we should have stopped him?"
The catholic says, "No, I think we should have told him about the stepping stones."
[Edited by - shotgunnutter on December 21, 2007 3:39:14 AM]
I just wanted to see if he would actually do it. Also, this test will rule out any problems with system services.
100
December 21, 2007 04:08 AM
I know a bad joke:
Two ants drunk.One says to other till today i was alone, Mr.Elephant frightened to kill me. Now we are two, Let him come we'll kill him
Two ants drunk.One says to other till today i was alone, Mr.Elephant frightened to kill me. Now we are two, Let him come we'll kill him
102
December 21, 2007 04:24 AM
Quote: Original post by rags9games
I know a bad joke:
Two ants drunk.One says to other till today i was alone, Mr.Elephant frightened to kill me. Now we are two, Let him come we'll kill him
i don't get it.
I just wanted to see if he would actually do it. Also, this test will rule out any problems with system services.
This topic is closed to new replies.
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