well im starting a story and i figured id let you people critique what i have so far. Somewhere Arizona may 20 1998 5:56 am The desert skie are vigilant, ever awaiting his chairot. Like clockwork the sun rises over Arizona's crimson sands. Potential energy dissipates and becomes kinetic, burning into every grain an increasing amount of warmth.It is slow to come, the night leaves footprints that sink deep beneath the sands. Alan Carver sits in the still damp grass of his backyard. The lights of the sun creep ever closer to him. He breathes. Exhales.Breathes.Exhales. Then for a moment he stops, everthing stops.The sun's light bursts through the very breath he released, and for a moment both day and night are in Alan's company.His eye catches the sun on a butterfly. As it flys upward he watches unflinchingly.It is in that moment, that hiccup of time, that Alan's life begins to change. post more yay nay? Critique currently? [edited by - vaneger on December 9, 2003 9:06:28 PM]

anyone?

<crickets>

vaneger : dont be discouraged, I think it''s just because you only gave us a little paragraph. It''s hardly enough to get an idea or be really interested.
I would say you are trying hard to be stylish, which might be a bit too much if you had more written. Dont worry about style so much as about story maybe ?
It''s seems interesting but like I said, without the title I probably couldnt even give you an opinion. So maybe write some more.
Oh, and proof read your work. There are a bit too much dodgy parts for such a short paragraph, and that doesnt help.
Sorry I am not nicer, but at least I post something, eh ?

Sancte Isidore ora pro nobis !

Good opening FMV, I guess, but you''ve mentioned nothing of the game itself, so as if now it is more of a book than a game.

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A world destroyed, a myth rebord. Some truths should remain untold...

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http://www.danavisiongames.com

this is actually going to be a 3d graphic novel, not a game. i would post it else where but this is the only place i know that is set aside for writing of anykind.

It was written nicely, but we don''t really have enough to really give an opinion. Post more of a story and you''ll get more of an answer.

"Stop it mister!!! I don''''t even know you!!!"