ok, i am working on a 2D tilebased-RPG, and i was wanting some feedback on a storyline for my game that i wrote. im not exactly a good writer, though. ============================================================ you are a warrior named (name here).
one day, while you are sailing to the island of rennai, you notice a small island to the west of your location. you decide to sail to the small island for a couple of hours to rest. moving quickly, you adjust the sail, and the raft starts floating towards the island. just before you arrive at the island, you notice a glimmering light at the top of a mountain on the island. you start looking through your backpack for your spyglass. when you find it, you start looking towards the mountain, trying to relocate the light...suddenly, your raft hits a rock and you fall into the water! after you resurface, you look back at your raft...it was chopped into pieces by the rock. quickly, you grab your backpack before it sinks to the bottom of the ocean, and you art swimming towards the beach.

as you arrive on the beach, soaking and tired, you look back just in time to see the remains of your raft sinking into the deep ocean. you look back towards the mountain...then you look downward towards the forest surrounding the mountain. you think that maybe you could build another raft with some wood from the trees. so, you start walking towards the forest.

as you walk down a trail in the forest, you notice something moving behind a tree. "who goes there", you say. suddenly, whatever is behind the tree starts running away. "hey, wait", you shout, as you start to chase whatever is running away from you. while you run, you notice that the thing running away from you...is a woman! just then, the woman turns down a new trail. as you start running down the trail that the woman started running through, you see something infornt of you...something big...

its a gigantic dragon! =========================================================== im also not the best speller when i''m THIS tired. (falls asleep on keyboard)

nice storyline for the opening of the game, but you still have to work on it. it''s short.

this is gonna be a pretty big ass game (if u wanna be this creative for the rest of it)

- pouya
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Don't take life seriously, you won't get out of it alive!

Wow, youre really brave to post something that close to you in a place where nearly everything is criticized beyond recognition.

It seems to be a pretty cool premise, just pound out some more details.

*yoink!*

I''d say keep it as it is. Nowadays many people want to see the story happen around them in a game rather than slog thru 20 pages of introduction. (no flames, but yes I worked in retail, that''s how it goes).

But back to your story intro, it''s clear and gripping. You could make a good intro FMV sequence of that one. Hmm, maybe I''d do a split as to keeping the part until you land on shore as an intro, then let the player move the character around in the forest in the chase scene, and when he hits the dragon part, boom part 2 of the intro.

As intros go, I don''t see any problems with it, but the important thing to figure out is where you''re going to go from the intro. Before you start going ahead with the story, you''re probably going to want to sit down and figure out the major plot elements- what strange things are happening on this island? Who or what is the villian(s) of the game? What is his/her/it/thier motivation?

I''ve also gotta agree with m1dn1ght that this intro could- and probably should- be compressed into a five-minue sequence at the beginning of the game... If you want to have a lot of background, that''s fine, but it''s better to introduce it over the course of the game rather than in a 20-page intro nobody''s gonna read

Remember... Try to figure out how the plot will go beforehand. If you try to cobble it together as you go, it''ll look like you did exactly that

Sorry if I seem overly critical- it does look good so far, and I look forward to seeing where it goes

--{-Seig----

I just wanted to say that this game story sounds cool, but I agree that maybe the dragon and all that comes a little soon. It might be more playable if the story slowly unfolds and it is the player''s responsibility to uncover different secrets etc first and then find monsters, etc.

I dunno, sounds good tho

hello, everyone.

thanks for your feedback on my storyline...i''m glad a lot of you liked it for the most part...

the whole storyline that i typed will be compiled into a 2 or 3 minute intro movie. aslo, i think that the idea of controlling the player throughout the chase scene is a good idea...but the dragons are a important part of the story.

the rest of the storyline: you start battling the dragon with a small hatchet that you have...then you just before the dragon sets you on fire, the woman saves you with a magic spell...you find out that the woman is actually the a princess, who was kindnapped by the dragons and taken to the island. the womand gives you a weapon upgrade and some potions and tells you that there is a large warship on the other side of the island, and you must go find it and bring it back and save the princess.

this is sort of a final fantasy style game, where people can join your team. the princess joins your team at the beginning, and later you meet two other people that join the team.

Nice story, but to me is just seems like you through together a bunch of elements you''ve seen in other games into your game and tryed to tie them together . Just my 2 cents.

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A man with no head is still a man.
A head with no man is plain freaky.

ah, is it not original? the chrashing on an island part, yeah, thats from a zelda game. but, saving a princess is pretty much standard...right?