I''ve started putting together a rough game, not the best idea, I know as I am only just barely starting to learn C++ but whatever, and I need to know if this base plotline sounds interesting or flat. These are just basics for the story, not at all complete. The game is an fantasy RPG that is based on multi character development. The focus of certain characters is stronger than others but I''m trying to get a feel for attaching to ALL the characters. The following is a background story, not a story for the game itself... 3,500 years before the game starts, the world was in turmoil. This was in a time when Kendrei was the ruling power. Kendrei is the name for Magic that certain beings were born with. Originally meant for only the Draconions, a race that almost seemed half dragon half human, but the average race of humans learned to use Kendrei. Humans, being at a lust for power of course misused Kendrei and wars were started. The world continually was torn apart by the human users of Kendrei and eventually most of the Draconions, the only ones with the power to stop them, were forced to leave and they travelled to a whole different Universe. Without the Draconions there had to be someone to use Kendrei to protect the lands. The remaining Draconions travelled long distances searching for people that could use Kendrei without the temptation toward power. They thought that this could be managed by only helping the chosen bearers to hold one part of Kendrei. 16 young people, all of them from the last remaining neutral country were chosen. 5 of them were given the power to change their shape to anything they had previously seen, but only for a short period of time, 5 were given the power to create temporary items out of thin air, 5 were given the power of Elements. One was given fire, another was given water, another was given air, and another was given earth. The 5th was given the power to control all 5. The 16th chosen bearer was to weild a power greater than ever imagineable. The power to change time itself. They were given the title of the "Shifters".The last Draconions stayed in this world to fight with them. With their given power, they recruited their own armies to fight alongside them to attempt to overthrow the lords. By the time they were able to launch an assault it seemed impossible. Their army had grown, but inevitably, so did the enemy''s. They could not fight any of the enemy armies, even with their powerful Kendrei. They were constantly forced to retreat. It was at this time that the Time Shifter, Zarchon, first demonstrated his power. He still had trouble wielding it, as it was far more powerful than any other type of Kendrei, but he still managed to use it to their advantage. Unleashing all the energy in his body, and his soul, he created a great wave of focused Kendrei that covered the whole world and caused an unbalance on the string of time. Everything that he willed be affected by this great wave froze in a kind of stasis, while anything he willed not be was not. This gave the Shifters, the last of the Draconians, and their armies an easy chance to take hostage all the of the lords and after long processes stripped them of their Kendrei. All was well except that during this time, Zarchon began to slip away. A body cannot live without a soul, and in the casting of this spell Zarchon''s soul was practically destroyed. The only reason he stayed living, more or less, was that the Kendrei inside him was so strong that it replaced his soul, but Kendrei without a soul can have strange effects on a person... I know it''s kind of hanging there, but I have more. If you really want to hear more about the story drop me an email. If you have suggestions or criticisms PLEASE TELL ME!!

well, all that was 3500years *before* the game starts,
what happens next?

I would like to comment but I want to hear some more first

What are the politics of this world? What are the religions? Why does Zarchon exercise power? To what purpose?

This IMHO is what the story lacks - a feeling of why am I bothering? Who cares what is going on? Unless you can motivate the players to one side or another it just doesn''t work.

I''m sorry to be negative when anyone who like you who creates should get a positive feedback - but I just am not engaged with this story.

You must engage interest.

This isn''t too bad. But I''m with NutFruit - this is all ancient history. It''s the back-back-story. What''s the story behind the characters that we play?

Does the game begin with the reappearance of a draconian? Or does Zarchon''s spell suddenly wear off just when everyone had forgotten about Kendrai?

Just as a side discussion, I think too many game-writers make the mistake of going through the back-back-story, then the back-story, before finally putting you in the game.

Some of the best games ever written don''t give you either of these. They plunge you in, and you discover the back-story, and the back-back-story, as you go along. Maybe some wise old man (cliche!) fills you in, or you read about it in an old tome. That''s one way to get some excellent mystery and suspence.
What say others?

Final Fantasy 7 did it for me...plunge the player right into a conflict in the very first scene, so s/he doesn''t have any choice but to do something that exposes part of the story and solidifies his intentions..I''m blowing up this reactor because its the only way to figure what the heck is going on in the game. Once that is said and done, start laying it down and introducing characters, because they''ve either shutit off or they are hooked.

Try thinking about how you want your characters to be, and then thinking up causes for their various traits and situations. This might seem like a backwards way to write a story, but that way you know your history is serving your actual story, not vice versa.

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