Is this good enough to be considered the intro part of Mystical Sanctum Ruins? (Mystical Sanctum Ruins is NSFW you must be over 18):

May (Full Name: May Slut Armeon) (Friend 1): Guys let's go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, I have heard some interesting rumors about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

Flower (Full Name: Flower Pussy Bitch) (Friend 2): Uhhm, I don’t think we should go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

May: But, why?

Flower: Because the rumors that I have heard about that place are not so good.

Player: I have never heard of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, so ummm can someone explain these rumors you guys speak of?

Urine (Full Name: Urine Pussy Fluids) (Friend 3): Well what I have heard about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is that [insert explanation of rumors], so that is what I know about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

May: Well I didn’t know that about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, so I know that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is like [insert knowledge about the sanctum].

Flower: Well I know that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora has this one rumor that isn’t well known, but is one of the most creepiest things I have ever heard.

Player: So what is it Flower?

Flower: Well, it is about a theory that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is a gateway to another world and that the ghosts choose whether or not to make someone that enters the new owner or whether or not to let someone into the other world. Also, it is about what most of the ghosts say. Plus, if they choose to let you into the other world and not make you the new owner of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, then you would be teleported to a random location in the other world. Also, if multiple people go in to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, at about the same time, then if you are not chosen to go to the other world and/or not chosen to be the new owner of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora. Then you would either be taken to the other world and then be thrown down into the dungeons of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora to live the rest of your life being imprisoned or taken to the other world and then be thrown down into the dungeons of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora to be killed. Also, I think I have heard other people say that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is only here on our planet because that sanctum is like the castle of the ruler of a planet called Flora and the last ruler had died or something and that the ruler said that the next ruler must be from the planet of Earth and that the next ruler must be like [insert description of what the new ruler should be like].

Player: Well that is a lot of information about the rumors of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora and what the place is about, so thanks guys. Also, I think we should go and explore the place, but with a catch.

Friend 4: So, what is this catch?

Player: Well instead of just recording a video about our exploration of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, we should live stream on all of our YouTube channels and all of our Twitch channels.

Friend 4: Yeah, that sounds quite interesting.

May: Yes, quite interesting indeed.

Flower: Well live streaming it would be quite interesting, but I am still against us going to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

Urine: Sorry Flower, but I will have to side with May and [insert friend 4’s name].

Player: Well you don’t have to go with us if you want [insert friend 3’s name], but the rest of us will be going.

Flower: Uhh, fuck it. I will go with you guys.

Player: Good, so if you all don’t mind, let’s start the live streams now so that when we start to head we will have some viewers watching.

Friend 5: Good idea.

You and your friends start the live streams.

Player: Good, now let’s get ready to head out, me and May will get the equipment that we would need, [insert friend 4’s and friend 5’s names] will get the food, and the rest of you can do what you want till we leave to go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

We will need 1 go pro head mount per person that is coming, 2 go pros per person that is coming, at least 2 charger packs per person that is coming, at least 1 solar panel charger per person that is coming, at least 1 flashlight per person that is coming, 1 compass per person that is coming, at least 1 battery charger for the batteries of the flashlights per person, at least 1 GPS Tracker per person that is going to come, at least 1 GPS Locator per person that is coming, 1 phone per person that is coming, 10 extra sd cards (10 terabyte storage space per sd card) per person that is coming, at least 1 walkie talkie per person that is coming, all the chargers needed to charge all electrical devices that are being brought per person that is coming, at least enough batteries to change the batteries out of all electrical devices that are being brought twice per person that is coming, 4 lighters per person that is coming, and at least 1 mic per person that is coming.

You and May collect all the listed items.

You decide to take your laptop, 12 extra data packs (10 petabyte storage space per data pack), 2 hunting type knives, 4 multi purpose knife tool things, 3 extra solar panel chargers, 2 extra batteries for the laptop, and 4 extra charger packs.

What other items do you want to bring? (These items are only going to be on you. Please choose 5 options.)

More extra batteries (enough batteries to change the batteries out of all electrical devices that are being brought 10 times)

4 more go pros

5 more mics

11 more GPS Trackers and 3 more GPS Locators

3 more walkie talkies

You decided to bring [insert items that the player has chosen] in addition to the other items.

After 10 minutes of gathering items you and the others start to load their bags and then start to load the vehicles that are going. After you all finish (10 minutes after the gathering of items was done), you do your intro.

Player: Welcome back to another live stream with me and the gang.

May: Haay.

Flower: Whats up.

Urine: How's it hanging.

Friend 4: Hello.

Friend 5: Hi.

Friend 6: Uhh, yess, ohh, hello.

Friend 7: Sup.

Friend 8: Hola amigos.

Friend 9: Yeah, hi.

Friend 10: Hello, good people.

Friend 11: Welcome, welcome, welcome. How are you guys doing?

Player: If this is your first time watching us, then let me introduce myself, my name is [player makes a name for the character]... (from here on replace “Player” with player chosen name)

Player: and I am a YouTuber known as [player chooses YouTube channel name].

Player: So now let's get on the road, we have a long drive ahead of us, since we are going to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

They get into the vehicles and start to drive. Then the player starts to speak to the viewer and starts to tell them all about the sanctum and other things. (After the player stops speaking the opening credits start to roll)

Please help me with the naming of the other friends as well.

I think May should make a more compelling argument for the adventure - she mentions some rumours and that's it.

You write “Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora” a lot. Unless there's some sort of vocal tongue-twister pun in there that you want to reiterate, there's no reason to repeat it that much.

There's no reason to repeat “other world and then be thrown down into the dungeons of”. “Other world” alone is repeated a lot.

The equipment requirements “per person that is coming” is annoying. You could start with “Every person needs” and then list the items as they are, if it's really important for the intro. Also I think “Go pro” might be a brand name…

And why do you number equipment and friends? It just reads like noise.

In short the lore section is confusing with lots of redundant names and the equipment section reads like the Dwarf Fortress inventory menu.

Also I don't know if profanity is allowed here - perhaps you could sensor the names for good measure, or ask a mod.

I can't tell if you're aiming at “so bad it's good” or if you're actually actually serious. "Urine Pussy Fluids"? Really? Anyway, this is just bad, and not in a good way. It actually takes a lot of skill to intentionally pull off “so bad it's good”. But since I can't tell what you're aiming for, I can't give any more constructive feedback. Sorry.

SuperVGA said:

And why do you number equipment and friends? It just reads like noise.

The numbering of friends is just so that I know when the person was first introduced onto the main character's YouTube channel. Basically in the game, you will not see the numbering of friends. Also, I am not really numbering equipment, the numbers you see with the equipment is how many of that item each person will have to have. Also, I really want to say the May Armeon is the older sister of Miya Armeon and Miya Armeon is a character that I have created for a book series and for a game, the book series is called Hell's Story, and the game is called Patrol Turned Bad (Patrol Turned Bad can also be referred to as; The Adventures of Miya Armeon).

a light breeze said:

I can't tell if you're aiming at “so bad it's good” or if you're actually actually serious. "Urine Pussy Fluids"? Really? Anyway, this is just bad, and not in a good way. It actually takes a lot of skill to intentionally pull off “so bad it's good”. But since I can't tell what you're aiming for, I can't give any more constructive feedback. Sorry.

Just saying, most of the time when I am writing a story and/or a storyline I write down what just popped into my mind, so some things will not be there in the final version. So, the names of some characters will be changed. Also, at the current time, I can't think of any good names, but I can tell you this, the first name of Urine Pussy Fluids will not be changed. Also, I do have another possible middle and last name for Urine, so the other name I am thinking could work is Urine Bloodroot Flower.

SuperVGA said:

I think May should make a more compelling argument for the adventure - she mentions some rumours and that's it.

Well, this is apart of her personality, she doesn't like to make things… “too complicated” after all she is a strange little thing. Also, I should tell you that May has more than one personality, just like her little sister has more than one personality.

The types of personality's May has:

Original (Primary)

Murderer

Innocent

Slut

Bitch

Simple

Semi Yandere

Military

Edited version 1:

May (Full Name: May Slut Armeon) (Friend 1): Guys let's go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, I have heard some interesting rumors about it.

Flower (Full Name: Flower Pussy Bitch) (Friend 2): Uhhm, I don’t think we should go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

May: But, why?

Flower: Because the rumors that I have heard about that place are not so good.

Player: I have never heard of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, so ummm can someone explain these rumors you guys speak of?

Urine (Full Name: Urine Pussy Fluids) (Friend 3): Well what I have heard about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is that [insert explanation of rumors], so that is what I know about the place.

May: Well I didn’t know that about Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, so I know that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is like [insert knowledge about the sanctum].

Flower: Well I know that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora has this one rumor that isn’t well known, but is one of the most creepiest things I have ever heard.

Player: So what is it Flower?

Flower: Well, it is about a theory that Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora is a gateway to another world and that the ghosts choose whether or not to make someone that enters the new owner or whether or not to let someone into the other world. Also, it is about what most of the ghosts say. Plus, if they choose to let you into the other world and not make you the new owner of the sanctum, then you would be teleported to a random location in the other world. Also, if multiple people go into the sanctum, at about the same time, then if you are not chosen to go to the other world and/or not chosen to be the new owner of the sanctum. Then you would either be taken to the other world and then be thrown down into the dungeons of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora to live the rest of your life being imprisoned or to be killed. Also, I think I have heard other people say that the place is only here on our planet because that sanctum is like the castle of the ruler of a planet called Flora and the last ruler had died or something and that the ruler said that the next ruler must be from the planet of Earth and that the next ruler must be like [insert description of what the new ruler should be like].

Player: Well that is a lot of information about the rumors of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora and what the place is about, so thanks guys. Also, I think we should go and explore the place, but with a catch.

Friend 4: So, what is this catch?

Player: Well instead of just recording a video about our exploration of Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora, we should live stream on all of our YouTube channels and all of our Twitch channels.

Friend 4: Yeah, that sounds quite interesting.

May: Yes, quite interesting indeed.

Flower: Well live streaming it would be quite interesting, but I am still against us going to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

Urine: Sorry Flower, but I will have to side with May and [insert friend 4’s name].

Player: Well you don’t have to go with us if you want Flower, but the rest of us will be going.

Flower: Uhh, fuck it. I will go with you guys.

Player: Good, so if you all don’t mind, let’s start the live streams now so that when we start to head we will have some viewers watching.

Friend 5: Good idea.

You and your friends start the live streams.

Player: Good, now let’s get ready to head out, me and May will get the equipment that we would need, [insert friend 4’s and friend 5’s names] will get the food, and the rest of you can do what you want till we leave to go to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

Every person that is coming will need 1 go pro head mount, 2 go pros, at least 2 charger packs, at least 1 solar panel charger, at least 1 flashlight, 1 compass, at least 1 battery charger for the batteries of the flashlights, at least 1 GPS Tracker, at least 1 GPS Locator, 1 phone, 10 extra sd cards (10 terabyte storage space per sd card), at least 1 walkie talkie, all the chargers needed to charge all electrical devices that are being brought, at least enough batteries to change the batteries out of all electrical devices that are being brought twice, 4 lighters, and at least 1 mic.

You and May collect all the listed items.

You decide to take your laptop, 12 extra data packs (10 petabyte storage space per data pack), 2 hunting type knives, 4 multi purpose knife tool things, 3 extra solar panel chargers, 2 extra batteries for the laptop, and 4 extra charger packs.

What other items do you want to bring? (These items are only going to be on you. Please choose 5 options.)

More extra batteries (enough batteries to change the batteries out of all electrical devices that are being brought 10 times)

4 more go pros

5 more mics

11 more GPS Trackers and 3 more GPS Locators

3 more walkie talkies

You decided to bring [insert items that the player has chosen] in addition to the other items.

After 10 minutes of gathering items you and the others start to load their bags and then start to load the vehicles that are going. After you all finish (10 minutes after the gathering of items was done), you do your intro.

Player: Welcome back to another live stream with me and the gang.

May: Haay.

Flower: Whats up.

Urine: How's it hanging.

Friend 4: Hello.

Friend 5: Hi.

Friend 6: Uhh, yess, ohh, hello.

Friend 7: Sup.

Friend 8: Hola amigos.

Friend 9: Yeah, hi.

Friend 10: Hello, good people.

Friend 11: Welcome, welcome, welcome. How are you guys doing?

Player: If this is your first time watching us, then let me introduce myself, my name is [player makes a name for the character]... (from here on replace “Player” with player chosen name)

Player: and I am a YouTuber known as [player chooses YouTube channel name].

Player: So now let's get on the road, we have a long drive ahead of us, since we are going to Sanctuary's Sanctum of Flora.

They get into the vehicles and start to drive. Then the player starts to speak to the viewer and starts to tell them all about the sanctum and other things. (After the player stops speaking the opening credits start to roll)

I need to know, is it okay to name a character CCFG 1 and have another character named CFSG 1?

Officer_Erik_K said:

I need to know, is it okay to name a character CCFG 1 and have another character named CFSG 1?

Why would you do that? It's obviously your call, but why not give them something easily recognisable?