Here is my feedback:
Mogul 1 - high school hustler:
This game design would really benefit from some sketches. Sketch out what the map looks like and use pictures to convey ideas rather than words.
Also know your audience and make sure that the ideas that you come up with and that the game ideas that you develop are ideas that you are comfortable bearing your name forever. What I mean by that is you have mixed high school students with illicit drugs and porn magazines and it is personally not an idea I would probably want my name on forever.
A flow chart would help make the game play logic clearer here.
Generally people don't like games where they can't win, but this is obviously up to you.
It needs more details and it seems to be a bit poorly organized. Try grouping things together. For example your "Play Process" should be broken into sections. One sections could be "Loss conditions" and describe all the was that the player can die. This helps make it easier to find information.
Seven Endure an Epic Quest:
This phrase:
"Two of the most interesting features in this game, inspired in part by classic RPGs and also by Limbo is 1) the player's ability to really interact with his/her environment. And 2) the literally hundreds of secret items which enhance and enable certain powers/skills and combine with various facets of the character to evolve this character into a unique person, designed for the most part by the player."
This game just from that one paragraph describes years of work for a large team of people. Every item has to be made, every environment interaction defined. You can not simply say there will be hundreds of items, you have to actually MAKE hundreds of items! That means drawing them, animating them, programming them, balancing them, and testing them!
Using tables for the character attributes would improve readability. The numbers are really going to change during the play testing phase.
You need several hundred more pages to describe each and every piece of the environment, and each and every item and their interactions and effects. You also need diagrams of the game play logic and graphics (sketches) for each and every item. You probably want to have diagrams for each potential environmental interaction.
brick dropp and stabb:
Once again sketches and mockups would really help convey the ideas. Words take time to process and it is difficult from your words to really get a solid idea of how the game will work.
For example:
"the environment is similar to a platform game like Super Mario Brothers or Sonic: the Hedgehog. The third robot, Trisha, takes the mechanics of a tetris game and makes it physical."
I have absolutely no idea what this means at a glance. You do mention the different modes, but it is really difficult to follow what you are talking about.
"And the environment gets progressively more difficult to walk through."
How?
"The more the puppet walks, the more difficult the scenery becomes and the more difficult it becomes for the player to keep the puppet from falling. If the puppet falls the play is over, the puppet returns to sitting position and the toy turns off."
How does the scenery become more difficult? What elements are introduced to increase the difficulty? For that matter what scenery is there?
"Instead of traditional animatronics where the strings are on the inside, tiny motors are attached to cables that work the puppet from above, externally."
I am not sure what information this is really telling me. So it is just a puppet?
"The controller, Jensen steps onto the balance board and the laser emits the backdrop."
I have no clue what the laser emits the backdrop means.
You need to add more details, use images to explain concepts, and to fully explain all aspects of the game.
