I work full time and go to grad school classes a few nights a week, but I'm single and have little desire for time-consuming social activities. I manage to set aside a few hours a week for game projects when classes are in session, and a decent portion of my nights and weekends when they aren't. Despite my unsocial tendencies, it's still not enough, and it's been difficult coming to terms with the fact that no amount of time ever will be if I intend to accomplish anything "grand" on my own. Unless I take advantage of minimalistic graphics and 100% randomly generated content, of course, but does the market really need another Minecraft clone?

It seems to me that to accomplish anything at all, one must either focus on hacking together a barebones prototype with which to attract a team and go from there, or find an existing project with a similar goal to join--the latter being a terrifying concept to me, as it means I'd both have to give up full creative control and deal with people in my precious free time; I suspect this is a common sentiment and that the ratio of people looking for a team to people looking to join a team approaches 1:0. It's a difficult choice, so my gut instinct is to choose not to decide (though, allegedly, in doing so I'll still have made a choice) and continue as I have been, chugging away at a project I'll never finish, purely for my own selfish amusement.

I think in a lot of ways you actually *can't* be the socially-accepted value of normal while also being extremely driven and successful. Normal society says that you should value human relationships above your own goals, that the two are incompatible, and that having a great number of relationships is the measure of social success.

Warren Buffet once said that if you have more than three priorities at any given time, you haven't got any at all. I don't get too focused on the particular number, but its pretty sage advice if you take it to mean that having too many priorities is like having an overcrowded garden -- you work yourself much too hard and reap a runt crop in the end.

I by no means am saying you have to become a hermit. You mostly just need to be able to say no to things you don't actually want to do, and that don't actually move you forward. You might also have to accept life changes when those around you aren't able to accept that you you aren't as accommodating of their needs as you once were. Those people probably aren't worth the time you're giving them currently. Perhaps counter-intuitively, I think you often are able to give people more value when you're not able to give them so much time as before; because when you're achieving your goals, you become a more rounded and self-satisfied person, usually have interesting things to say and share, and can give yourself permission to really engage in the social time you do have, instead of silently resenting the fact that you aren't really fulfilled by being here and would rather be doing more productive things, like you're probably doing now (speaking from my own experience).

Try to declutter your space, your life, and your head. Figure out what's really important to you -- read that again: important to you -- and make time for those few things. Give yourself permission to put unimportant things on the back burner and to get rid of things that actively stand in your way. Some of those things might turn out to be people. It sucks, but no good friend should be standing in your way, and every good friend should understand what you want to achieve and that its important to you. Good friends accommodate and cheer your success, and with any luck you should be able to inspire them to achieve as well. Success among friends leads to a positive feedback loop, don't let people drain that energy.

So, to be extra clear -- I think following all that advice to where it leads leaves you perfectly normal, as long as your definition of normal doesn't overvalue what society says it should be. And that's not an angsty prognostication, its just that mainstream society would mostly be more comfortable if we were all the same boring, comfortable, familiar grey-tones as everyone else. It tolerates the occasional pastel, but its frightened by bold colors. But being bold is exactly what you want to be.

Just to share, my current priorities and how I'm working on those are:

Health and fitness -- I'm in relatively decent shape but I'd like to be better. My genetic background makes me bigger-framed (I joke that I'm half German and Half Viking, and its near enough to factually correct) but I was nearing 250lbs at 6'2", and my cardio health wasn't great. I'm down ~40lbs now, my next sub-goals are to be under 200lbs by June, to be a lean 180 by mid-september, and to run a half-marathon in under 2 hours this fall. To work towards this I spend around 12 hours working out each week and watch my calorie intake. I also cut out soda entirely and refined sugars mostly, and don't drink as much when I'm out with friends. This priority also includes sleeping well and in proper quantity (about 7 hours/night) By fall, I think I'll have achieved what I want and will be able to de-prioritize and cut down my time investment as I go into maintenance mode, but the lifestyle aspects (sleep well, eat less, eat better. move more) will always need to remain.

Personal success -- This is the newest priority, as other things have prevented that for too long. I'm actively developing personal projects, and a plan to one day make my personal success able to support me and mine. Right now, I spend around 15 hours a week on this, and some of that time still overlaps with getting things out of the way so that I can do this -- things like clearing up and organizing my neglected workspace, so that I have somewhere I can be comfortable and productive, and that actually invites me to work.

Professional success -- Work still pays the bills, and will for some time, maybe always. I feel like I've become a little complacent with work and could be growing more quickly and making more impact in more noticable ways. I'm renewing my focus while at work, getting more organized, automating some processes, getting re-familairized with processes that have changed of late, and actively looking for little things I can do to make work better for myself and for others. This is your typical 40 hour work-week, but its 40 on-task hours -- No excessively-long watercooler conversions, unnecessary fraternizing, meta-working, or wasting time swirling internet black holes. The things I need to change are having a more consistent work schedule (I'm otherwise afforded a great deal of flexibility if I'm getting things done and not missing meetings), and that's as much to benefit my other priorities as it is this one.

Family, Friends, and leisure -- I still have a smallish number of friends that I like to hang out with, and family to keep in touch with. That's still important, but this is one where I'm cutting back on my time investment and trying to make the time I do spend have more worth. It wasn't uncommon before to spend 30+ hours a week with friends, doing nothing of particular importance. I'm aiming for sub-10 hours now. I also place time for going to concerts here, because that's something I enjoy a lot and its really my only outlet to be in my scene and meet people. I have to be pretty flexible about that since some weeks might have 2-3 can't miss shows, and other times there might be a weeks-long dry-spell. Concerts are also the most tempting distraction for me, so I need to be wary and not let it interfere with other priorities. Sometimes I have to skip a show that I would have liked to see, but I remind myself that its what I need to do to maintain priorities, and to be free for the next can't-miss show.

I don't do a lot of things that used to fill my time anymore. I don't waste time with friends, I watch no television unless I'm multi-tasking while working out or watching Game of Thrones with friends every week, I don't go to many movies, I don't play many games, I don't spend time or money on any of the hobbies I've put on the back burner, I don't daydream too much about things that can't be priorities right now, I don't let people force my schedule around them, I don't do things simply to be sociable or save face. I don't have time for any of that.

Anyways, I'll stop sounding like a motivational speaker and I hope that doesn't come off as sanctimonious or irrelevant. If anything, I just want to show what it might take to make the time for yourself to achieve your goals. These are all things I've had to do to get out of my own way. They might be like the things you need to do too. Or they might not. But almost certainly if you find yourself with too little time, its because you're trying to do too much at once.

It's hard but not impossible.

Some of my tips based on my experiences:

-girlfriend: find a girlfriend with a hobby other than going out and always hanging on you. Even better, a geek girlfriend. It's pretty obvious for me, because you probably have similar personalities anyway.

This one seems to be pretty hard, this was the reason I didn't have any relationship before the age of 25.

-friends: do not have friends. This one is easy for me, because I'm usually very bored from just hanging out with people. I'm a normal social person, I get along very well with my colleges, we laugh a lot, but I'm not interested in them outside of work. It's as hard for me to find a real friend as a girlfriend.

-job: try to find a job that is not demanding either physically or intellectually or travelling-wise.

-life: get a professional cleaner or be okay with an untidy, unclean house/room

-programming in general: go high level if possible, don't reinvent the wheel ever. Be very strict and disciplined. Work on the project even if you are tired.

Plan a lot, be very systematic.

(these will probably lead to burn out and will make you hate the project anyway, so win-win)

To paraphrase the good book, there are seasons for everything. Perhaps this is a season for being at college and working, there's nothing wrong putting your stuff on hold not everything has to be now now now.

I'm curious too several people here have mentioned working full time and studying - is this common? I thought most people went to college full time. Is this some kind of night-school self-improvement type thing, or regular college spread over more years for people who couldn't afford to go full time, or what?

To paraphrase the good book, there are seasons for everything. Perhaps this is a season for being at college and working, there's nothing wrong putting your stuff on hold not everything has to be now now now.

I'm curious too several people here have mentioned working full time and studying - is this common? I thought most people went to college full time. Is this some kind of night-school self-improvement type thing, or regular college spread over more years for people who couldn't afford to go full time, or what?

Not everyone can live at home with their parents while they go to school. I would assume that situation is pretty common as it is the situation all my friends and I am in. Mind you I am also going to school full time.

I'm curious too several people here have mentioned working full time and studying - is this common? I thought most people went to college full time. Is this some kind of night-school self-improvement type thing, or regular college spread over more years for people who couldn't afford to go full time, or what?

Not everyone can live at home with their parents while they go to school. I would assume that situation is pretty common as it is the situation all my friends and I am in. Mind you I am also going to school full time.

I'm curious too several people here have mentioned working full time and studying - is this common? I thought most people went to college full time. Is this some kind of night-school self-improvement type thing, or regular college spread over more years for people who couldn't afford to go full time, or what?

Not everyone can live at home with their parents while they go to school. I would assume that situation is pretty common as it is the situation all my friends and I am in. Mind you I am also going to school full time.

Many countries *pay you* while you're studying full time, so you can pay your rent and eat.
I lived at home, received a government payment for my living expenses and study materials, and had my university fees deferred to be later paid back via slightly more income tax than usual (interest free loan, paid back only when I can afford it).

I didn't know anyone that worked full time either -- how do you even have time for school while doing this!?

Because I didn't have to work, I spent my extra time during uni making a HL1 total conversion: http://www.moddb.com/mods/move-in

There are also student loans which can have ridiculously preferential conditions compared to regular loans.

Many students do work while being at college in my country, with the result that the school takes two times or even longer to finish.

Taking a loan, if you really can't afford a college otherwise, seems to be a much better investment than struggling with school for much longer and working for crap salaries for years (and don't tell me that the ""work experience"" they gather compensates this wasted time).

EDIT: I also lived at home (and didn't get any money. Sure, living and having breakfast at home probably meant 10% more expense for my parents) and I could save money from a student loan and my scholarship to finance 1 year of living abroad and buying two PC-s plus some extra crap. Sure, I didn't live as extravagantly as some of these students did.

There are also student loans which can have ridiculously preferential conditions compared to regular loans.

Many students do work while being at college in my country, with the result that the school takes two times or even longer to finish.
Taking a loan, if you really can't afford a college otherwise, seems to be a much better investment than struggling with school for much longer and working for crap salaries for years (and don't tell me that the ""work experience"" they gather compensates this wasted time).