Really weird procrastinating rollercoaster I'm having for quite a while... And I need your help.

Thompson Lee · 2013-10-29T13:50:56

TL;DR: I want you to rant on me. Blame on me for being such a failure. I wanted to be some employee guy who is about to get hollered at by a boss, with the boss kicking and screaming in the office room and scaring the other employees at their cubicles. Not to get fired, but just getting blamed/flamed at. I want to be the guy that is getting humiliated by co-workers, and getting laughed at for being a black horse in the herd. I need some scolding from time to time. More like an obsessive compulsive disorder in an orderly fashion, whenever I hit a dead end (literally, like you realized you just couldn't do it, or bring yourself to try), I start finding ways to try and maximize the data usage on my unlimited data plan for my mobile phone. This started happening since the way back, like 5 years ago. I can easily top 10GB of data usage per session depending on how hard I'm procrastinating or how difficult it is to get the feeling off of me. Every time I decided to start something small, this always happen. To describe it, I may have fallen into a trap that most programmers face when starting a project. I start planning the base of the project, then the scene, and finally the renderer. Then I had to decide on how to create a framework for it, and not the game. This stage of creating is annoying and I'm doing something I can't put a name on it. All I can say is that I can assure you it's a Java programming project. Then I was tasked to do home chores and labor at my boot camp, both of which are starting to get on my nerves, and I don't know why I can't bring myself to accept the fact those chores and labor jobs are there for me to do for very reasonable reasons. This cycle repeats over and over again. And then here I am, procrastinating again for the fact that in one hour, I will be doing another laborious job, a job that I just can't ignore without suffering from the consequences of not being a part of the group of soldiers here. I just don't have the time. I hate the feeling. I resent the fact I lack time. I loathe the fact that I'm still procrastinating. I abominate myself for not doing something in the meantime. I guess I don't have the spark I needed to light up my motivation. So, I'm asking each and every one of you to do this for me. Maybe I can get this procrastinating rollercoaster to halt and stop for once in a while. Maybe I'm just doing what's right for me: to get flamed on.