I love life and living it. I have always felt that I had the right idea from the start to do everything a single human can do with the only life he or she has.

So many get caught up in serving a lord they don’t even have proof exists, dictating their lives around that kind of doctrine. That in itself is not a problem, but how many of their own natural desires have they forsaken in order to comply with what they were taught as children?

I never wanted to make this post because I would feel like a downright ass if I did and then never died. That would be seeking sympathy and attention, which only an asshole would do. Making this post is like making an obligation to die.

So let me be clear. I am not guaranteed to die, and I surely assume and hope that I will not. If after this post I am still alive in 10 years, don’t blame me. I refuse to die until I have at least been to Mars (my application to Mars-One will be posted soon).

So why am I talking about this?

I was diagnosed over 6 months ago with a liver disease. Due to my liver’s poor functionality my blood gained a problem of its own which lead to heart problems. I actually mentioned that phil67rpg was a cause to a heart attack I had, but he was only part of it. This was the other part.

Since being originally diagnosed with the liver problem I have changed my diet, run daily, and done work-outs frequently to try to correct the problem. Lightness1024 can attest, as he sits next to me at the office. In fact we count how many daily push-ups we do in his own notebook. I am the leader!

None of that has helped, and my problems have been getting worse.

Lightness1024 would also attest that I’ve missed half of this and the last month due to health problems, mostly related to my heart. Last month an ambulance came for me from the office.

I’ve been content until now to never ever give anyone a clue about this. To post as usual and let everyone believe all is fine.

And now I am not seeking any special attention. Anyone who gives me such will receive a virtual punch in the face.

I am only finally admitting to this because I’ve done many things to reverse my liver problem and yet it just keeps getting worse, and finally I have to admit that I might suddenly disappear. If so, you should all know why.

Again I want to mention that there is no certainty to my doom, and I am only deciding to be open about the whole mess because the evidence is pointing in that direction. But at times I was a major asshole here.

So this post is precautionary. I am sorry to those I have offended, and sorry for my lack of tact in some cases.

There were even cases in which I wanted to absolutely flame a person who I didn’t (I gave tactful advice), but later that person PM’ed me with thanks and tellings of how much he or she respected me and has read my posts with great respect.

I felt horrible for having wanted to flame him/her in the first place. I felt like a monster.

If I am still here in 5 years, forget this post. I’ve had 6 months to post my troubles and create drama, but I hate drama, and if I end up getting through this then I only want it to dissolved into nothing and be gone.

But if I suddenly vanish, I want to say that I am sorry for my past lack of tact. I’ve demonstrated it where I thought it would be effective in making my point, but if I am to suddenly disappear I want it to be understood that that was my only purpose. I am not really that asshole.

Finally, I want to say that this post is something I want to leave behind should things turn to the worst, but I have no intentions of allowing that to happen.

A liver disease that creates a blood problem that creates a heart problem that sends one into a hospital 15 days out of a month?

Pfft. Fuck off.

When death’s hand comes for me, I will take a bite from it, digest it, shit it out, and shove it back in his face while asking him if he wants desert.

L. Spiro

Umm.. wow. This is a bit hard to take in but I certainly wish you the best. You've been a staple around these parts and we want you around for many years to come. Best of luck and I will certainly keep you in my thoughts. I certainly get what you are saying though regarding uncertainty of your situation and I think what you are doing is a nice gesture nonetheless.

Life can suck sometimes, i had some good friends that died quite prematurely at relatively early age, and now i have emptiness in my heart so sometimes i wish i die too.

I hope everything goes well for you.

I liked your posts, though I must admit I have only seen them on off-topic. I personally thought they were insightful but sometimes a little critical. Anyway I hope you get better, or at least well enough to go to Mars. Even if things go bad you could always cryogenically preserve yourself and be resurrected when life is more ermm 'suitable' for you, somehow I doubt death is something you will allow to get in the way of your ambitious goals ;).

Sad to hear about your problems, but I see that you don't fear anything. You will get over it one way or another.

L. Spiro, no words come to mind to make this post anything other than a generic "get better" post. in those type of situations i'd normally not reply at all. But i find this one unique, in that i'd like you to at least know i respect you a ton, and do truly hope this is something that'll turn out to be nothing.

L. Spiro, no words come to mind to make this post anything other than a generic "get better" post. in those type of situations i'd normally not reply at all. But i find this one unique, in that i'd like you to at least know i respect you a ton, and do truly hope this is something that'll turn out to be nothing.

I'd second this.

Really do appreciate you sharing, which must have been difficult to do.

Ganbatte kudasai, L. Hang in there, baby!

Here's to a healthier you!

This is 2013; medical medicine is at an all-time high. You'll bounce back and give the finger to death. Then to me. Then to me again from Mars. In the meanwhile, write another article. You're overdue. :)