Loosely inspired by the manga series psyren I’m toying with the idea of a time travel mystery/adventure/scifi story. The overall story consists of a group of people who can skip ahead exactly 10 years into the future and return to the present. On their first trip to the future they discover that the world lies in ruin and misshapen creatures stalk the wasteland. The group attempts to survive the perils of the future searching for clues to the cause of the disaster and those behind it in order to unravel the mystery in the present and change the planet’s fate.

Due to the nature of the technology they use they always travel exactly 10 years in the future from the current time. So time in the future moves at the same rate as time in the present. However they can only spend 8 hours in the future safely on a given trip. The longer they spend after that then the time that pass in the present grows exceptionally. Which they don’t realise at first until they get trapped for a week in the future only to return and find 3 months have passed and the inevitable problems that their disappearance has caused.

Because of the nature of the disaster the laws of physics have fundamentally changed most of the old world tech was either destroy or no longer functions. But the exotic particles that have flooded the atmosphere allow for the use of technology that couldn’t possibly work in the old world. Such a phase dancing which allows a person to teleport every few seconds anywhere in the radius of a several meters. Ghosting which creates a temporary duplicate that mirrors the users movements . Or supermanning which allows them to jump or fall great distances by drawing out the path they want to follow several seconds ahead of themselves. Imagine if you will base jumping but being able control you speed and direction through hand gestures. And of course the monofilament blade.

During the groups travels back and forth they manage to cause the creation of a group of survivors in the future. Those survivors and the shelter will become a source of aid for them future but the group will become divided when it comes to choosing between actions that will benefit the survivors but hinder their goal.

Along the way some will fall others will be trapped in the future and in the end the supreme sacrifice will have to be made. To save the world but not themselves.



I know that’s all pretty free form flowing of my overall idea but Thoughts , suggestions, opinions? What sort of ideas and concepts would you want to see in a create your ideal future time travel story? And this story in particular?



Below is a first draft the opening. Like all good time travel fiction it starts near the middle. I apologize in advance for being a hack.



The wind rushed passed roaring like a thousand waves crashing against the shore. The darkness shredded by the purple haze and bursts of light that formed the psychedelic kaleidoscope that stretched across the night sky. The glide wings of the black suit fully extended creating a flying V. The altimeter on his wrist dropping rapidly from 3000 meters. Beside it a gauge rapidly filling with a green glow and the gears of wrist watch ticking away. The figure glanced quickly to his left and right confirming two other figures dressed in similar outfits apart from increasing pink glow in one and silver in the other. Gesturing to his companions the figure in the middle pointed to a distant roof.

The green gauge let out and an audible beep as it hit the first marker and he extend his hand out and the air visible distorted. Warping around him like it was it was being diverted my by a multilayer invisible barrier. A faint glowing line appeared ahead of him tracing a path to the target roof. A similar affect was copied by the others. The altimeter began to slow. The deafening roar quieted to a breeze. The roof drew closer the shimmering sky the only illumination in the darkness. The misshapen form of the land became more evident as their destination grew closer. The target clearly once a tall city centre building now a crooked half submerged shell of its former glory. Luckier than some of the other building now little more than crumbling heaps or swallowed whole by the sands.

The figure highlighted in green hit the roof hard wrapped in a flicking sphere that scorched the air around him leaving the ground relatively unscathed and figure unharmed. Silver swung effortlessly around damaged remains of antennas before gliding smoothly to the ground. And pink just sat leisurely on a pile of debris exuding a cocky aurora and seemingly saying what took you so long.

“Check. Audio, Thermal, Displacement, Motion, scanning 100 meters clean, 300 clean, 1000 no sign. Synch watches 7 hours 56 minutes until sling shot reaches quantum flare. And Mark.

Well Pinky looks like you owe me a lap dance I told you we could hit the target roof on the landing.” The figure in green laughed.

Pinky snapped her fingers and another figure appeared next to green and playfully slapped him across the face then vanished.

“Well if you want to include your twin in the fun then I’m not going to complain.”

“Ha, you can couldn’t handle me let on my own let alone if my sister was to join us. But who knows if we get anything worthwhile out of this skip then you might be get a little something when we get back.”

“Always the tease”

“Hey hate the game not the player lovvver.”

“Keep that up and I might forget why we’re here. Ren you ready to get work?”

“Yes. as always.”

“Alright then accordingly the data and my fantastic navigation skills we should have arrived at the Price building scheduled for completion 5 years ago. Floors 6 to 9 were intended to be owned by a newspaper office and the package should be in the northwest corner of floor 15. Hopefully there will be records we can use in either of them. Then scans read all clear but whether they work here or not remains to be seen. Don’t take any chances anyone if the hunger is here then we’re in and out as fast as can be. Ren take point. Pinky work your magic and I’ll keep an eye on your fine ass for you. ”[color=windowtext]

"... [color="#1C2837"]you can couldn’t handle me ..." <<< [color="#1C2837"]This line and exchange are really trite. It doesn't really mean anything. But I like the spirit of it.
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[color="#1C2837"]And early on they're talking like military people which if I understand the situation right mischaracterizes them...
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[color="#1C2837"]I have to put the above comments into context.
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[color="#1C2837"]This is about 15 levels above "noob" and your core idea allows for a lot of possibilities. It reminds me strongly of Stargate with the 'home base' mechanic, and having to get back to it, except that the home base and the field are separated by time. And you're having no trouble going ahead and making writing happen. There's no false pathos here either.
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[color="#1C2837"]So details about characterization, language and sentence work jump out at me first. Attention to details, basically. [color="#1C2837"]And I'm looking at a fetus.
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[color="#1C2837"]Looking at the big picture, I would say 100% go for it.
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[color="#1C2837"]This is also a super common plot idea, and there's a lot of similar ones, so you might think about how you can subvert it and screw with it. I just saw Source Code which is a similar thing played in reverse, and is a very good movie that you should see because it's a good example of bringing other elements and ideas into the mix.
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[color="#1C2837"]Back to the top for a second, I said "I like the spirit of it" (the exchange). I do not like "lap dance ... can't handle me" because it feels like I've heard it more times than I've seen the Sun you can rewrite literally anything there to depict a casual boast and allude to a prior disagreement.
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[color="#1C2837"]The name is also good. As long as it doesn't turn out that an alien played by Keanu Reeves came to punish us for owning nukes or global warming or whatever the boogieman is this decade, you're gold.