I want to design a short RPG as sort of a test before I work on creating a more massive RPG, so I whipped up a quick story to go along with the basic technical ideas that I plan to implement. I'd like to know what people here think of it. I think it has merit - maybe even an opportunity to expand upon to create a bigger game. Please give your opinion! Title: Deeper Down style: 2D turn-based RPG Length: ~ 5-10 hours to complete Premise: Main character is a solitary inmate in prison. The story begins when he is mysteriously freed from his cell at the same time as hell breaks loose throughout the rest of the prison. Prologue: I am prisoner 853741. This is the Carabine Corrections Facility - home to the worst half of society. They keep all sorts of folk in here - crazy folk, killing folk, and folk who ain't done nothin wrong. I suppose I'm a bit of all three. At the top of this prison, you got the lightweights - street hustlers and drug addicts doing a couple months or years like it was some kind of party before they're let loose upon the world again. Underneath them, you got the real criminals. Killers and rapists doing time for serious stuff, or cooling their feet until the execution they deserves makes room for another. Then, well, they have a special cell at Carabine, lower than the solitary confinement cells that folks go crazy in. People here call it Deeper Down, a prison within a prison to hold the worst of the worst. Ain't many folk know the truth about it, they tell the story of "Deeper Down" to first-timers to scare the hell outta them before they beat them to a bloody, crying pulp as an initiation. But it's real alright. And its got my number on it.

You sure do have some talent in telling stories! I think it sounds intresting and that you should continue your story based on the story you have here.

Sounds great!

At first it sounded a bit like Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay, yet it's different in a subtle way.

Keep going with it.

Great dialog! The part

Quote: But it's real alright. And its got my number on it.

sort of reminds me of part of Sin City. A real hardened criminal who is still cool and collected.

Quote: Original post by wizard341
Great dialog! The part

Quote: But it's real alright. And its got my number on it.

sort of reminds me of part of Sin City. A real hardened criminal who is still cool and collected.

Amazingly, that's probably the strongest influence that this story has. I just saw the movie last week. I saw Chronicles of Riddick a while ago, but I didn't like it much, and Im not sure what the game Escape from Butcher Bay is like. I probably won't base it off of that.

Its going to be a nice 2D tile-based RPG with battles reminiscent of Final Fantasy. I don't like games with dull plots (Go find these items!... Find them again!), and lackluster characters, so the first thing I've been doing has been sculpting each character (both good and bad), giving a rough outline of their life, and if they're in the prison, their crime. The story is linear, but it will hopefully be engaging enough for the length of the game - there are many NPCs, and a pretty diverse range of enemies.

I've been doing some research on real prisons, to include a lot of the vernacular that's used (beyond just 'shiv'), as well as employ that to flesh out plot details. I'm also working on getting some idea of a prison layout, so that the map is realistic enough to be a conceivable prison design (if prisons were 2D tile-based worlds). There will hopefully be some fun puzzles too - there's a lot you can do with tile-based games.

I like ita lot. I look forward to seeing/reading the rest of the story if you ever get round to putting it on GameDev [or if you keep hoing with this storyline].

Here are some party member backgrounds. I know that these details don't flesh out everything about the characters, but hopefully they'll give some insight into what sort of party members they're going to be. Derrix was not modelled after Riddick (as mentioned in the previous post, Riddick is not something I tried to base this game off of), he was originally meant to be modelled after Ving Rhames (sp?) character in Con Air. Also, Doctor Khel will NOT have a german or russian accent (damn you disney and your linguistic stereotypes!!!). Herbert Jenkins... just wait. You have no idea who I modelled him after.


853741
Starting Character
Mysterious prisoner kept in the most secure hole in Carabine. He receives no contact with other prisoners. His cell never opens; in fact, the door has no lock or hinges. The guards outside his cell talk to no one - including other guards, and to anyone outside of the prison, the officials deny any existence of the cell known as Deeper Down.

Derrix
joins ~ 5% Completion
Before prison, Derrix worked as a hired killer for an organized crime clan. He was not a silent-but-deadly assassin - it was his job to make sure that the mark, and anyone connected to the mark, knew who was calling the hit, and why. After a job to knock off a local politician and his family, the police were able to connect him to the murder and sentenced him to life. Once inside, Derrix' life changed dramatically. With constant surveilance and a survivalist environment, his lethal arts became subtle, and he learned to kill with deadly secrecy. Feared and loathed throughout the prison, it is generally considered bad luck if he appears next to you.

Doctor Khel
joins ~ 30% Completion
Perhaps the most unlikely sort to find in a prison, Doctor Khel is both refined and brilliant. He worked for years doing public research in biorobotics and neural interfacing, eventually founding his own private research company which earned easy government grants for the outstanding discoveries made in his labs for use in defense. After an investigation into what turned out to be a clerical error on the company's taxes, it was discovered that many of the experiments performed in Doctor Khel's labs were cruel and tortuous, performed on unwilling and kidnapped victims. In light of the controversy, he was sentenced to death for his crimes and currently sits awaiting his punishment on Death Row.

Herbert Jenkins
joins ~ 60% Completion
The Carabine Asylum for the Criminally Insane has not disclosed any personal information about this patient. He is classified as a grade C risk. As a grade C, Herbert Jenkins may not receive outside visitors.

Some NPC profiles:

Skulker Jack
Jack was a rich dandy outside of prison. He was a savvy dandy however, working an effective arms smuggling ring out of his country mansion. While prison life hardened him, he remains today what he was on the outside - a rich merchant dealing in contraband.

Warden Caulfield
He took over the prison almost a decade ago after the death of the previous warden during a prison riot. Caulfield promised numerous changes to ensure control over the prison population and he implemented them successfully - not a single riot has occurred in the 8 years that he has been warden. He attests this record to personal interest in prisoner welfare and effectively trained guards outsourced from a connection in the security industry.

There's more characters still to develop, but these are the two that are going to be important for a significant portion of the game. Others left to develop include: several asylum inmates, the head doctor, and at least three more prisoners (two from high security and one from the medium security baracks)

Quote: Original post by wildhalcyon
Its going to be a nice 2D tile-based RPG with battles reminiscent of Final Fantasy. I don't like games with dull plots (Go find these items!... Find them again!), and lackluster characters, so the first thing I've been doing has been sculpting each character (both good and bad), giving a rough outline of their life, and if they're in the prison, their crime. The story is linear, but it will hopefully be engaging enough for the length of the game - there are many NPCs, and a pretty diverse range of enemies.

I've been doing some research on real prisons, to include a lot of the vernacular that's used (beyond just 'shiv'), as well as employ that to flesh out plot details. I'm also working on getting some idea of a prison layout, so that the map is realistic enough to be a conceivable prison design (if prisons were 2D tile-based worlds). There will hopefully be some fun puzzles too - there's a lot you can do with tile-based games.

This is sounding very promising. I always wished there were more single-player rpgs like this: short (with an end in sight and [hopefully] I'm compelled to finish the damn thing), emphasizing quality in small dosage. The story is interesting and has a mystery element that I hope carries through to the game. Good luck on implementing it and delivering some entertaining gameplay.

I really like your writing style and the characters you are creating. The only problem I have is with:

Quote: They keep all sorts of folk in here - crazy folk, killing folk, and folk who ain't done nothin wrong. I suppose I'm a bit of all three.

You're referring that you haven't done anything wrong, yet you are also crazy and have killed. Just seems a bit conflicting to me.

Quote: Original post by 6
I really like your writing style and the characters you are creating. The only problem I have is with:

Quote: They keep all sorts of folk in here - crazy folk, killing folk, and folk who ain't done nothin wrong. I suppose I'm a bit of all three.

You're referring that you haven't done anything wrong, yet you are also crazy and have killed. Just seems a bit conflicting to me.

Being crazy isn't necessarily something wrong. Killing is a finer moral issue, but from the character's viewpoint, not all deaths are necessarily wrong, or the killer's fault.