My new Game

Ronenriku · 2004-10-06T21:47:45

Ive been working on a new game called Ronen Children. It wouls be a pretty massive RPG, but understand that I am truly taking the time and effort on it. Since I cant really program, Ive worked primarily on the plot. Below is a basic plot design for the game. Im still trying to figure out if its any good. But, please dont reply with a "You shouldnt bother, youll never finish this game" or a "This idea suks." I see those replies to alot of things, and I feel, if your gunnu insult me, give me reason. I want actual ideas as feedback, not random insults, meaning, I need to know weaknesses and advantages in my plot. Now, onto my plot. -------------------------------------------------------------- Long ago, their was no real form of matter or soul. The universe was filled of what was simply the absense of light, of anything. Though this darkness was called an abyss, it was not an anything. It was the absence of anything. But this "nothing" was like a bag, holding all the other elements inside it. So after a long time period (or so it seems, thier really is no time when their is no matter. This god was born without memories, without scars of battle, and was to forget all its memories every 500 years, for the perfect being was always the young child over the scared man, they said. Shiro destroyed the abyss, and out flew the many materials of life needed form the earth. Many more nature spirits also came out of the abyss. So they were really just immortals, but people would be soon to worship them, and it seemed smarter to warship a god than a spirit, so their. But the lessor gods were jealous of Shiro’s power, and rebelled in a mad attempt to kill their powerful leader, and spread the energy to themselves like Shiro did to the abyss. This war slowely deteriorated the earth until few people were left alive. This era in the world was called the dark ages, because nobody all records of it were long destroyed. Shiro, to end this age of terror, split his power into the original energies, placed it in a temple, for Shiro never trusted the lesser gods, and hired the Knights of Shiro, men and women with abnormal talents, such as summoning stuff and holding over 15 tons like a toy, and hired them to guard this temple. Little did he know that this would be not simply ending a threat on earth, but beginning one threatening even the heavens. Kairi was the goddess of stealth. She married a mortal and gave birth to a child named Sorasen, and a child named Marie (Sorasen was named to mean, opposite sky, as chaos was reverse of whatever mixed with it.) Of course, like Hercules or any other demigod, Sorasen bor extreme strength, mind, and knowledge. Through his father, the chaos soldier Havoc, Sorasen learned of the power of Shiro, and the guardians of Shiro forming a barrior keeping people from it. Sorasen was not tempted to take the power, for he had no reason, but Havoc was a real warrior. He wanted his son to do what he had always failed to. Havoc killed Marie, and placed her soul in a human body, destroying her memorys. Why did the world have to be so cruel? Sorasen would think. Why can we not escape death. Why... By now he was a Rank A Guardian, and, with a meeting with Shiro, Sorasen got the power for guardian reasons. But Sorasen had other plans. He was to be the new ruler, and to get his revenge. He was to destroy all, for, he believed that if he did so, he would be able to take the souls, and, like his father, move them into beings. He would place all mankind into Heaven, where no one could live or die. These too people were the only other Rank As in the world, as their were 26 rankings. More importantly, they watched and witnessed it happen, they saw Sorasen take the power. And, though Shiro said he could, they knew more about the impurity of humankind. They stopped Sorasen 50% through the formation, and gave the power to their real son, Itsuki, and their 2nd cousin, Riku, and sent them in a boat to an unknown part of the world. Sorasen, in fury, used the 50% to kill the two humans. Now he needed to get to Riku and Itsuki, to get the power, and become the master as he planned, but how... Now Sorasen was only half as strong as he thought he could be. He needed that power, and he was going to get it. His wrath was only starting. He created powerful monsters to do his bidding (he could do this), which spread across the earth, wreaking havoc across the world, and got stronger the closer he was to them. He built his castle which bases in the center of the earth, which only someone with a strong spiritual sense could see, meaning, you’d have to be dead or something. This castle was known as Makai. But the parents were much smarter than youd expect. They sent Riku and Itsuki as far as possible, an orphanage in the north of the world, and, to stop people from knowing that THEY had the power at all, formed them in special “keys.” These keys were the spirits of a phoenix and dragon, entirely made of energy like the energy of the elemental spirits, meaning they could be formed into a body when needed, with extreme difficulty. These keys were needed to unlock Riku and Itsuki’s power. With the sudden arrival of these strange monsters, the churches, of course, were questioning. For they lacked logic, as believed Shiro was doing this to them, even though he had no power to do so. They did some investigating, and figured it out. On the other hand, they didn’t have the expected reaction. They lost their respect for Shiro, saying that thier job was to support the most powerful ruler, and, this was Sorasen now. They simply told the public that the new monsters were caused by their greatest sins. Apparently, these sins escape because human-kind’s expedition into the center of the earth, and that continuing it would only make the monsters stronger. They pretended to still worship Shiro, and blmaed him, asking for forgiveness. Little did anyone remember that Shiro was powerless, but alive all the less. He used his body to form in the body of Zacharias, a young apprentice at the young age of ten. The church, of course, figured this out, and sent Zack on a suicide mission. Zack and Vince were brothers. Actually, more than brothers. Vince was 10 years older than Zack, and this age difference made Vince more of a father to Zack than a brother. Vince felt strongly about right and wrong, and had made his own definition. Right, to him, was what Shiro wanted, and wrong was what could hurt Shiro. If Shiro made the world, he thought, then Shiro made the rules as well. He knew that the church spent their entire life worshiping this god, and, since it was what was right, Vince sent Zack to this church. Years later, Shiro was defeated, and Vince, knowing that Shiro was powerless, went to tell the church. His reaction was less than satisfied. But Zack was attached to the church, and he refused to believe that Vince was telling the truth, that the church was working for Sorasen. Zach and Vince spread apart, never to see each other. Marie was banished from the very heavens, in the body of a girl with no memories. The only thing she was left with was a coin clutched in her hands, with a phoenix on it. This coin unlocked the power of Riku’s soul, and was grabbed by Marie so she could maybe help Riku and Itsuki before she was sent to earth. Marie was left with no memories of her past or her powers, and is in an endless search to find them. She was marveled at by people for her stealth skills, and was hired as a spy, soon becoming a shinobi. She believes that if she keeps this job, she’ll eventually find somewhat who can tell her her past. 11 years later, the boys brake out of the orphanage, and begin their search. And this is the adventure, of Ronen Children. [Edited by - Ronenriku on September 25, 2004 12:31:23 PM]

Cosmic One

308

September 28, 2004 11:05 AM

Read through the whole story, with much difficulty. Do you edit this before you post it in here or is this just your thoughts at the moment? Because I can see a great deal of discontinuity in your writing, both plot-wise and with the writing itself. You seem to be all over the place with this story; you jump centuries at a time without any warning, introduce new ideas which don't seem to agree with what you said the sentence before, and I think introduce too many conflicts for one game's backstory.

And as typical as it is to mock, I'm still going to have to point out your grammer, sentence structure, punctuation, and formatting. That was seriously a hard read. No personal offense to you at all, really, just be more careful in your writing, especially if you want decent feedback.

That being said, I think you're on the right track with the game. Your world is deep and imaginative, and your characters have traits and beliefs which make them more than the 2D cookie cutter RPG characters that I'm sure we all have seen. This much back story is a good thing, it tells us all that you care about creating a world with history, and thus with a future... but some of the concepts should be spread out. There seems to be 3 different eras in it, and as such should be presented more individually, with more detail to each of them.

Hope this helps you out,
As ever,
Cosmic *

As ever,**Cosmic**My Blog || Personal Website (WIP) || MBlog - a must read

Anonymous

September 28, 2004 04:59 PM

Well, I guess this is what I should expect. I have made alot of mistakes. I will edit it soon and plot it out better beetween the 3 eras. Note that the "main" story progresses around the original power of Shiro being taken and blablabla. Ill edit this and it will be up by Sept. 30th.

Boku San

428

September 28, 2004 08:12 PM

Quote:
Original post by Shi-no-Mitsukai
Quote:
Original post by Boku San
moo

I dislike back stories when they're tacked on at the biginning to make sense of a seemingly inplausible situation. In these cases they are almost always told like you're reading a text book. In the context of a game, it's a lot like telling the player they have to eat a stale bran muffin before they can have a slice of that tasty looking chocolate cake.

However, if you look at films like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (since you did mention Tarantino), there is a very definate back story that unfolds during the course of the action. In Pulp fiction we have the various wheelings and dealings centered around Marsellus Wallace's soul, and the entrepreneurial failing of Brad and his friends. Kill Bill is primarily about the sordid history of the Black Viper Assassination Squad.

A back story is just like any other literary tool; if used properly it can be used to give shape and depth to a story. Used improperly, a back story can be used to cause much pain and discomfort in the audience, just like furry websites and kitten poetry (badly written or not).

I mean a backstory of the world, btw. Since you covered Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, I'll use Reservoir Dogs; that movie didn't tell you what year the movie took place in, it didn't tell you how the shooting really started -- you figure that out on your own. The best games make you *think*. Going back to KILL BILL as an example (since I only saw a little of Jackie Brown and haven't seen Hero), the movie is about The Bride. It's not about Bill, it's not about the DiVAS (Deadly Viper Assassin Squad), it's all about the Bride and what she goes through to get her revenge. Her codename given is (one of) the deadliest snakes in the world, and she is one of the deadliest assassins in the world. But throughout the first and second volumes, her morals are evaluated; is it right for her to kill so many people for revenge? The best scene I've ever seen was

******SPOILER********

when Beatrice was at her home, happily went into the bathroom, cried, and returned to her daughter as if nothing had happened.

*****END SPOILER*****

What does this scene mean? It means that the Bride is a human, which gives her very strong character development. The words she utters to Bill just before he dies (...that doesn't deserve a spoiler warning. The movie is called KILL BILL, and if you haven't figured out by now that she kills Bill, well...no comment.), "Because I'm a bad person." That's character development. But throughout the story you aren't given a tangible history of the world. The best stories are timeless -- just look at Romeo and Juliet (and the modern versions).

I'm done rambling, hope you had fun reading this.

Things change.

Shi-no-Mitsukai

146

September 28, 2004 09:17 PM

Quote:
Original post by Boku San
Quote:
Original post by Shi-no-Mitsukai
Quote:
Original post by Boku San
moo

I like caek

I mean a backstory of the world, btw.

Understood, and I agree with you in this respect.

Quote:

Since you covered Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, I'll use Reservoir Dogs; that movie didn't tell you what year the movie took place in, it didn't tell you how the shooting really started -- you figure that out on your own.

True. I'm not trying to imply that every story needs to reference past events; I'm just trying to exemplify that a back story can be added to a narrative without being cumbersome.

Quote:
It's not about Bill, it's not about the DiVAS (Deadly Viper Assassin Squad), it's all about the Bride and what she goes through to get her revenge.

Conceeded. Better wording on my part would have been "The back story in Kill Bill is primarily about the sordid history of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad". Also, I called the "Deadly Viper Assassination Squad" the "Black Viper Assassination Squad", which was just wrong. Death to me (as a Tarantino fan).

Quote:

What does this scene mean? It means that the Bride is a human, which gives her very strong character development. The words she utters to Bill just before he dies (...that doesn't deserve a spoiler warning. The movie is called KILL BILL, and if you haven't figured out by now that she kills Bill, well...no comment.), "Because I'm a bad person." That's character development. But throughout the story you aren't given a tangible history of the world.

Although the history of Kill Bill's world may not be completely tangible to the viewer, it still exists. And, because it exists, it was explicitly written by the author to provide depth and credibility to his creation. It doesn't matter if this history is told at the beginning, middle, or ending of the story (or interspersed throughout), it's still there.

Even if a back story unfolds through flashback, it's still a back story in the sense that it predates the running narrative. Without this, Beatrix's story would have been transformed from one of revenge to one of murder with no apparent motive.

Quote:
I'm done rambling, hope you had fun reading this.

I did! I also agree with you that Kill Bill had some wonderful character development. Good film, that.

Cheers.

Anonymous

September 29, 2004 11:11 PM

Thank you for the feedback. I will appreciate it though, if you stop talking about back story history. What I need is to know a little more. Should I post character bios? Or put in more about the guardians? This is the junk I needs to know.

Ronenriku

Author

100

September 30, 2004 05:36 PM

This game is being postponed, for I believe I need expieriance making a mod first. I am making a Final Fantasy Fighter mod now.

Ronenriku

Author

100

October 06, 2004 09:47 PM

I changed my mind. My new game is going to be a GBA game, and will be out soon. (2005 or something...)

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