I recently launched an android game similar to pokemon go but with music/rhythmic gameplay. I am not very good at languages, creating nice and exciting texts, to drive installation. With help of AI i was able to get the key features done, while keeping as much as many keywords as possible like "gps game" "walking game" "outdoor game"... but it doesnt feel right.

Can you help me to improve the description further ?

App short description (77/80 characters):

Discover a world where music comes alive! Walk, collect, battle, and compete!

Description:

🎵 Dive into Melody World, a unique outdoor adventure filled with rhythmic challenges in an anime-inspired universe!

🧭 REAL-WORLD EXPLORATION
- Move your character by walking in the real world.
- Enable Running Mode to effortlessly progress while going for walks, runs, or bike rides.

🌱 COLLECT & PROGRESS
- Gather magical musical notes to create and upgrade powerful Chords that help you conquer difficult rhythmic challenges. Keep an eye out for rare lucky Notes!
- Hunt for treasures in your surroundings, including collectibles and resources.
- Unlock a variety of instruments like the piano, electric guitar, and violin. Level them up by walking, gain special abilities and take care of them!

⚔️ BATTLE & MULTIPLAYER
- Engage in rhythmic battles, defeat enemies with precise swipe patterns in the side-scrolling solo adventure "Campaign".
- Team up with friends to conquer dissonant evil Chords in epic location-based "Dungeons" and earn fantastic rewards.
- Challenge players nearby in GPS-based "Contests" or engage in ranked online battles to climb the leaderboard!
- Find and interact with players in your area, exchange fun emojis, and trade materials.

🎨 CUSTOMIZE
- Choose from 44 hair colors and 64 eye colors to express your unique style.
- Create and share your own short musical masterpieces with friends!

🔍 QUESTS & CRAFTING
- Complete daily quests to earn rewards and work towards a 7-day bonus!
- Follow an engaging story questline in seasonal events.
- Use materials collected on your adventures to craft special items.

Ready for an outdoor adventure like no other? Put on your shoes, grab your phone, and let the rhythm guide you! 🚀

Since this is a Marketing question, not a Game Design question, this thread is moved to the Games Business and Law forum.

Deam said:
Can you help me to improve the description further ?

Emoji bullet points are an instant turn-off for me and many other people. The rocket at the end is classic for everyone who is terrible at marketing.

I think the words make sense, they are descriptive. Everything looks like features I've seen before. From the description I have a good estimate of what the game is, how it works, and the background behind it. It's a genre that has had several successes and thousands of clones, look-alikes, and churned-out garbage.

What I don't see are emotional hooks, nor do I see anything unique to a game like this. I can find all the bullet points in other games, and I don't see compelling reasons to play. The bullet points describe a game that looks like pieces of other games I've played before, not something new and exciting.

@frob thanks for your answer.

The reason i have been using Emoji bullet points is, there are no other ways to add any kind of hypertext formatting like bold in the play store description. Tough caps could be enough already.

With emotional hooks you mean a more story based approach ?

The game may sound similar too pokemon go or other gps games but beside the map/walking part the gameplay is very different to any gps game ever existed. The main mode is more similar to guitar hero for example… Not sure if that got through, but usually people watch the trailer and screenshots aswell.

Deam said:
With emotional hooks you mean a more story based approach ?

No, I mean the description sounds like a bullet point description rather than a sales description.

Perhaps a parallel example to what I mean would be useful.

Version 1:

Dive into Portal™, a unique adventure filled with puzzles in a Half-Life® inspired universe!

🔍 EXPLORATION
- Explore a sci-fi world from a dystopian future!
- Search for the hidden cake.
- Fun world packed with surprises!
- Achievements to unlock.

🕵️PUZZLES
- 19 levels to solve.
- 3+ hours of solo gameplay.
- Unique never-before-seen experiences!

🎵 MUSIC & AUDIO
- Award-winning sound track!
- Robot voiced enemies will torment you as defeat them.

Ready for a puzzle platformer like no other? Grab your portal gun and let the aperture guide you! 🚀

Version 2:

Portal™ is a new single player game from Valve. Set in the mysterious Aperture Science Laboratories, Portal has been called one of the most innovative new games on the horizon and will offer gamers hours of unique gameplay.

The game is designed to change the way players approach, manipulate, and surmise the possibilities in a given environment; similar to how Half-Life® 2's Gravity Gun innovated new ways to leverage an object in any given situation.

Players must solve physical puzzles and challenges by opening portals to maneuvering objects, and themselves, through space.

Both are accurate and describe the game.

@frob oh i understand, yeah version 1 might be AI generated aswell, the AI may use some kind of template.

Initially my description was more similar to version 2, but terrible language…

I personally prefer clean and bullet point styled descriptions like version 1, should i try to rework it similar to version 2 then ?

It is marketing. Do what you believe will help you market your product.

For my example, the first one was my own creation modeled on your post. The second was the actual Steam page description.

There is nothing inherently wrong with either one, both are descriptions that are completely valid and describe the product. However, one of them draws people in emotionally and gives them reasons to play, the other is a checklist that looks like an also-ran.

Ok i tried my best to craft something similar to version 2, i expected the result to be much worse with my writing skills, but im pretty sure its far away from good/perfect. It seems to be very hard to add keywords to a description like version 2 witouth making it sound weird. Lets hope the Google Play store (disgusting system) is able to understand its a gps game anyway and give me visibility towards the mentioned search terms.

What do you think about this writing, can you help me to improve it further ?

Melody World is an anime styled multiplayer GPS game that you play outside in the real world, where you conquer unique music and rhythm challenges. Walking outside has many benefits for your health, and in Melody World, you get rewarded for every step you take. Whether it's unlocking and leveling up various instruments like the piano, electric guitar, and violin, hunting for treasures, including rare collectibles and resources, or discovering magical musical notes in your neighborhood.

In Melody World, music and natural sounds have transformed into real-world Notes that can be found in different pitches and colors, if you're lucky, you may find a rare colored one! These Notes are your main resources for combining powerful chords. Together with your instrument, chords increase your strength to conquer challenging and unique rhythm-based game modes like Dungeon, Contest, and Campaign.

Watch out, adventurer! Some chords occur as dissonant, evil chords. Team up with other players to defeat these evil chords in epic Dungeons in your surroundings to restore harmony and earn fantastic rewards.

Challenge other players in legendary Contests, where your skill is key to reach first place and show other players who’s the boss in your area.

Or just enjoy your walk, run or bike ride with the auto-collecting feature, "Running Mode."

Don't worry—on your lazy days, you're covered by online contests, where you can compete against the best players worldwide and climb the leaderboard. Alternatively, you can play the solo adventure, "Campaign," where you need to survive and defeat incoming waves of angry visitors at a music festival.

Much more exciting stuff is waiting for you! Customize your anime styled avatar with various colors, complete daily and weekly quests for extra bonuses, craft items from collected materials, share your own short composition, interact with your friends…

It's time to get moving. Leave your sofa, put on your shoes, and let the rhythm guide you!

I like that one much better. It is far more engaging.

Ok great! Thank you very much! If there is anything left to improve please tell.

I also have a reworked 30 seconds gameplay trailer for my play store listing, which might could give a hint for further improvement: