So I'm not sure if I have a question, but I kinda have an issue.

So, in the past, when I was just coordinating and leading a mod, I felt a lot more passionate, driven, focus, fulfillment, etc. etc. I was wearing multiple hats, and leading in about 5 different roles. Things needed to get done, and usually no one else wanted to do it, especially for a mod where money was completely off the table, I was doing overall project management / coordination, Leading Writing, Leading community management, and leading all Human resources and recruiting functions. I developed a system, formalized it, and did all of these roles happily. This left the development personnel such as the artists and programmers to just worry about making the mod. This is still somewhat true now, but I don't project manage any specific project, and I no longer lead the efforts of writing or community management. Even though I have general oversight.

So currently, I oversee the company, and all Human resource functions. This is in addition to funding all operational costs, Facilitating accounting and legal concerns.

The issue that I'm having, is on a day to day, I don't actually contribute too much to the development of any game. I keep the organization happy and healthy, but my individual contribution has drastically decreased. I'm a workaholic, so I actively look for things to do, and due to the product of us doing a good job and recruiting trustworthy and talented individuals, it's just a matter of time before we release something. Many organizations or small indies struggle to get the right skills and personnel in the right configuration, and feel unstable. We are not one of those.

The core issue that I'm facing is I'm used to waring multiple hats, and depending on that for the organization to be successful, but I don't need to do that as much anymore, and I'm struggling to find the same fulfillment. I'm trying to find ways I can contribute, but it's limited.

Most of the time I show up during the meetings, but don't contribute anything beyond company wide announcements.

I get the impression that If I disappeared unexpectedly with no notice that things would continue to run overall seamlessly. (Apart from the fact of the actual compliance and funding, concerns, but I've set up secondary access for most if not all of that.)

I had tried to spin up a project myself and it dead ended in a few months and I had to come to the conclusion that I am mainly an administrative logistics person, who really knows relatively little about how games are actually made, and that I don't have a hard skill to make the games myself.

I'm surprised I've gotten this far, and it seems the main reason is because I'm fine with and to some degree enjoy doing the leg work.

I've tried to take these skills in other industries into a day job and have limited success. Often it's hard to find a match for several reasons:

1. I've been doing this for 10 years, part time, but it's not for a conventional organization.
2. I have generalist experience across multiple domains, where most look for specialists.
3. I look more Senior on paper than I actually am, because of how long I've been doing this. Which causes a mismatch in role expectations.
4. I don't fit neatly into a or a few boxes so people can easily understand my background.

Because I've done so much, people often assume I'm too busy to get involved as an Full time Employee (FTE) and I'm relegated to contractor status. Which is not stable.

Ironically, I would like nothing more than to be an FTE for some large faceless corporation. (Maybe it's the idea of it that attracts me, more than the reality,)

Anyway,

I also feel stuck in my situation, no one else in my organization has the personality, skills, and most importantly TIME, to Be CEO. I never planned on being the head of my organization, it was all an evolution of what came before. I've read that my personality leads well, but reluctantly. We are much better at being #2 or some kind of trusted Senior leadership. working from the shadows. And I'd almost prefer that,. I have a servant leadership approach, and I sometimes rather just report to someone than to be the end boss.

I'm not sure what kind of feedback or advice I'm looking for, but if you have any, I'd really appreciate it.

Do I have a real problem or should I just be happy things are going well?

If you're not happy, us telling you you should be happy won't make you happy. You want to be an FTE somewhere, and you've met with disappointment there so far. That doesn't mean you have to stop trying. You can pursue employment while you continue honoring games … and make a handoff plan. If you want to.

I see what you did there with “honoring games” clap*

Honestly,

I'd actually prefer to hand off the CEO position to someone and just do admin / HR stuff to support the organization. I don't really see that happening in the short term though.

I kinda feel I've been going down a road, no make that paving a road, and when I reached the end of that road, I just started doing it again because it was all I knew, and what I'd have experience in. I'm good at.

But I'm at a point in my life that I'm wondering if this is really the road I want to be on, and the path for the rest of my life.

I have several life goals that don't fit in game dev at all, or at least not easily, among them is Researching how people are effected by the internet, publishing a personality theory. potentially being a counselor. Getting an HR masters. writing a book. Stuff that is more social science related.

I'm just trying to figure out where I can have maximum impact. And I'm at a cross roads in my life, trying to figure it out.

I kinda thought if I stayed as CEO, I could direct the organization in a way to accomplish some of my golds, but that seems selfish somehow. And who knows if any of my psychology based game ideas would actually sell.

GeneralJist said:
I have several life goals that don't fit in game dev at all, or at least not easily, among them is Researching how people are effected by the internet, publishing a personality theory. potentially being a counselor. Getting an HR masters. writing a book. Stuff that is more social science related

Why don't you do any of that in your spare time (if any?), I mean you can run your busines if it is successful enough to pay your bills or do something completely unrelated to have your bills payed and spend the rest of your day into something you like to do or just try something new.

I'm a contracted programmer but that doesn't stop me from doing game design just for fun, it even doesn't stop me from making board games in Photoshop or thinking about new and interesting game mechanics. I know a serious company won't ever hire me as a game designer, even if I already did that in an indie style company a few years ago, but anyways, on paper, I'm nothing than a (C# related because most companies use Unity) programmer. So what, do whatever you like!

I'm doing what I'm doing just for fun and out of personal interest and passion.

I guess, and this is my personal opinion, for a certain type of people, there won't ever be the perfect job they feel fulfillment for their entire life and it is ok, you don't have to spend your whole life honoring a company, especially if you head to pension, this could lead to a dark black hole in the end.