Beosar said:
It's not about giving up but some (positive) feedback from players

I actually downloaded the game/demo from your website yesterday. It had updater or installer in the name and I looked in the exe and it had steam updater.exe (whatever it was called). I want a game, not an installer, not an updater. I don't even know what it does when I install and run. It should just play a game without connecting to the internet. Yeah, I run in a sandbox but It still makes me feel icky enough not to want to try it.

I'm also not sure how I feel about you wanting just positive feedback. Do you just want comments like “it's great like it is, I wouldn't change a thing"?

So I'm a little pissed, because I had a long insightful response, something happened, and it all disappeared.

Sigh,

I'll try and recreate it.

So, it seems your concern and mental health issues are less about the content of the reviews, Quality, but about the # of them, quantity. It also looks like you’re a solo dev. I might have more of an insightful response to this, because:

1. I studied psychology
2. I have my own mental health issues
3. I've worked on a project long term for 7-8 years and released it.
4. I volunteer on a crisis hotline

When you work on a project long term for multiple years, expectations build up. You have faith that your finishing is worth it, and reaching checkpoints will pay out in the long run. You justify this to yourself, and as the months and years go by, you sink more and more time labor and resources into the project, trusting it will have the kind of impact and return that will make all your years of hard work and sacrifices worth it. When you see the positive reviews, your glad, but then they say it’s not done and they want more. On the surface that sounds like a good thing. But internally your wondering, how much more will you need to sacrifice, to endure to satisfy yourself and them? You hope they will buy and give more money and support, but it’s already been 7 years of development, to get you to this stage of early access. You’re asking yourself if it is really worth it, and you feel incredibly committed, but you might be doubting yourself and frustrated at the lack of recognition and appreciation.

I don’t know what your community outreach was like during those 7 years of development, if you built up a community, or if you just released on steam one day. But after a second google search, I see you have your own website, and there is a lot on there. Which is awesome. Looking at your traffic statistics can yoyo your mood, depending on the #s from day to day.

Next is it seems like you’re a solo dev, I am not. Whether you want to be a solo dev or if you want to work with a team is a decision only you can make, it is your game. But just be aware, and you may have learned this the hard way, but motivation is harder as a solo dev. Solo vs. team, each has its pros and cons, but aside from motivation, you know, you have to do everything yourself. That kind of control and freedom can be empowering, but it also means there is no one else there to help, bounce ideas off of, work with, keep you from feature creeping too much, support morale, complement your strengths and weaknesses, etc. etc.etc. Not to mention the obvious revenue split concerns.

Another issue you might be struggling with is intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation. Where before, for the past 7 years, it was all coming from within, now there is a shift on it coming from without to some degree. This kind of sudden shift in motivation, maybe causing a disconnect, and may be hard to come to terms with. You’re now struggling more about who you’re making this game for? Yourself or the community?

You want to satisfy yourself and the community expectations, but you get depressed to see how long a road there is still ahead of you. (Especially because you’re also walking it alone) You’re wondering why you did all of this, for such a small impact. And you’re thinking maybe all those doubters through out those years were right, I have no idea how your friends and your family reacted to you dedicating your time to your game, but if they are like my family, and of baby boomer age, they probably been belittling you, and telling you you’re wasting your time. (I’m assuming you are in your 20s and 30s like me, and most people I’ve seen doing this type of work. This type of family reaction is common. It’s always hard when the people that are meant to support and know us the best don’t, and seem apathetic and oblivious to how their neglect of our hopes and dreams have an impact on us. Sometimes showing them your work can help, other times they just don’t give a shit, and they never will, even refusing to look, until you make significant money. It’s a generational thing, and just how a lot of people are.

To combat the depression and all these negative thoughts, aside from standard mental health resources and advice, you should do inventory of everything you’ve made and all your expenses. This can be a long and arduous process, but at times like this, it’s important to reflect on what you have accomplished and how much money you have sunk in. It’s difficult for us, and others, and the community to see, because a lot of the time, this is done behind closed doors. And the average gamer has no idea how much work and money it takes to get the game going. They only see the end result. And then they feel entitled to their opinion of “your work” (That in itself is a huge problem in the industry. How product is valued way more than process, but that is a rant for another time and place.)

Another big reason I suggest doing this, is because, then you have concrete ideas as to how much more you have to do to finish, or reach future milestones. Make spreadsheets and link to assets. A few months ago, we did an Asset Manifest for one of our games, and it helped tremendously in clarity, documentation, scope, and all that, something for everyone to see and know how much they had done, and how much more there was to do for each milestone. In theory, this could also be used to make schedules. Estimate how many hours it took you to make that asset, to code that feature. Put that down, and then now you know your own pace, and can plan your life accordingly. Instead of sinking countless hours into your game, praying and hoping it will have an acceptable return on investment, you now know your personal velocity and can set suitable limits and expectations. After you have finished a comprehensive inventory, you will have solid data as to how long it has taken, and how long it might take in the future, with current time and resources. You can then make a more logical judgment on how much more there is to do, how much more money you need to spend and how much more time you want to dedicate to your game. Judge if there is a brake even point, and make any number of future decisions with your life. Depending on your financial situation, you might also want to create a budget.

At the end of the day, no matter what others tell you about your worth, and accomplishments, you need to find the mental fortitude to have your own sense of self-worth. If after you absorb all of this, and do some or all of my suggestions, and you still feel the same level of depression, it’d 1st suggest taking a break. IDK if you have been working non stop for 7 years, or how that specifically shaped out, but you don’t want to burn out or have more serious chronic or life long mental health concerns. Game development and mental health is a growing sub field, but it still needs more attention. I used to have a guy on my team that went to Digipen, he graduated, but I knew him before he went in, and he said that making games at the pace that Digipen demanded may have given him mental health issues. He was depressed, anxious, the works. Before, he said he wanted to go into the military for nuclear submarines, but after Digipen, he knows he is disqualified.

I have had my own personal struggle with mental health during my time with my last project. And although my experience wasn’t depression, it definitely had a roller coaster effect with my mood and how I handled my team. We eventually picked the pieces up together again, and me and the team are stable now. But back in January of 2019 I had come out of the hospital, and NAMI assigned a peer mentor to me for 4 months. One of the things we did was to have a more realistic look at my project and team composition. This was hard to face, but the mentor pointed out that regardless of what we had accomplished, I had a distorted perception of the team and how committed others were to the project goals. Furthermore, during my manic episode in November of 2018, I almost successfully burned down the organization. Also, back in August of 2012 the leader of the project almost deleted 3 years of work on his own project, because he had a paranoid schizophrenic episode.

If after you take a break, and decompress and you still feel depressed, consider working with a therapist to sort out your issues and connect you to local resources.

How impressive doing this kind of work is, is really subjective all across the bord, from my experience, the less people know you personally, the more likely they are to appreciate your work, seems counter intuitive, but that has been my experience so far.

Happy to help either here on the forum or in pm. If your comfortable sharing more about what you’re going through publicly, it may be able to help future devs with similar issues.

My Crisis hotline manager likes to ask people, “So, what are you experiencing?”

Oh,

I also found this game recently, and the main dev has detailed his experience rather well, it might help you, I have not looked into or played his game beyond reading his post, but his post impressed me enough, and might be worth sharing. It’s long tho.

https://www.indiedb.com/games/atomic-society/news/leaving-early-access3

Good luck.

You should get some sun and fresh air. I failed at projects and never got depressed. I just tried different approaches.

Just don't take life too seriously. Develop the game because you enjoy it.