Why do they all keep doing that Hans Zimmer Inception thing?
Does anyone believe he would ever copy himself?
Anyways, let's get to the piece itself.
People usually prefer honest feedback, so I got a few "pro's und con's" for you:
I find the bass a bit too stereo. But if you do want/have to have that in your piece, don't put it on the left side, please.
Imagine any rock band or and orchestra or basically anything human that produces music.
From an audience perspective, the bass is always at your right hand.
At 1:17 percussions sound very strange (the sample that's fully panned to the right).
Also, generally, give your percussions a bit more reverb.
This gives'em a bit more rumble and thunk, making them appear even bigger.
Just be sure to not use too much pre-delay on your reverb here as you want to keep your drums sharp and incisive.
The nicest sound in the whole piece is imho the solo cello at about 0:20.
It does however disappear with a pretty unrealistic volume fade-out.
And even if that's such a strong carrier, it doesn't re-appear anywhere in the peace, which is kinda sad.
I know, the horns and stuff, but still...
The string section is best from 0:58 to about 1:17 when they play polyphonically and together with the horns.
Very good use of the section here, providing a bit of a spread.
I also like the 8th-note-staccato-percussive-guitar-synth-thingy that has its crescendo at about 0:40, really sets the tone (mood).
And I do love 1:37-1:47 as well. I like how those dissonant voices break the established harmony and how that sawtooth emphasizes and supports the mood that comes with it. Nicely done, here
A good thing (when thinking about actual use in a trailer or as soundtrack) is that you established a clear climax while at the same time the piece doesn't change a thing. You leave it as you've entered it. In short, it keeps the "current" mood, tone and setting and leaves'em untouched.
That's what you usually want to do in games rather than sending the player on a trip that might end somewhere completly else than what the game actually tries to tell. Having that said, I think, you still achieved your goal, building up tension!
Last but not least, you might have to work on your balance (think of the bass sounds).
Check out this post:
It's written for visual arts but totally applies to the orchestra as well.
Final words: Keep doing what you do, you're doing a pretty good job already!