Hello all,
This is my first time visiting these forums in many many years. I have two general questions about "breaking into" the industry that are specific to my own circumstances. Basically, I'm looking for personal advice. The two general topics are the emotional and the practical. I apologize for the wall of text ahead, and I am grateful to anyone who takes the time to share their insight (I'm looking at you Madsen ).
Emotional
I'm really not sure how to ask this without it being awkward and it sounding like I'm fishing for compliments, so I'll just come right out with it.
The confidence I have in my abilities is usually pretty low. Sometimes I have sparks where I think, "yeah, I can do this", but those moments are few and far between. Especially as I see more and more amazing composers come out of the woodwork, I think "how can I possibly compete with all these guys". This topic doesn't make me feel any better about the situation: http://www.gamedev.net/topic/661545-state-of-the-industry/
I've been composing for over 10 years. This hasn't been full-time (I went to school for structural engineering), but it's what I've spent most of my free time doing. I'm also self-taught. Given all this, I still feel like I am much much worse than anyone else who has been doing it for long as I have, or who has put in the same amount of hours. To be honest, I've never gotten any legitimate compliments - or even significant interest - from any of the many friends I have shared my work with. Granted, most of them aren't musicians and none of them are composers. But wouldn't you hope to see that an average listener would enjoy your stuff, as an indication your music's potential for mainstream appeal?
It was very hard to swallow when a friend of a friend approached me to make some kick starter trailer music for a western rpg, and I just could not do it. Hours and hours of trying, and I could not come up with anything that was even decent for a rough draft. I had always thought I could take most any style/genre, and with some research, make a passable imitation of it for a client. But for this, I had to back out of the project! Not good. That shouldn't happen. Even if I'm able to make okay standalone demos for my portfolio, I find writing something legitimately good for a real world application very intimidating. I listen to classic tracks by Koji Kondo, David Wise, Kenta Negata... I could never write those pieces of music. Admittedly, those are some of the masters of video game composition. But just writing a fitting, decently catchy track that doesn't sound like the compositional equivalent of finger-paints scares me. I don't think I can do it.
Now, I'm not looking for someone to tell me otherwise, because frankly at this point I wouldn't believe someone if they told me that, similar to this phenomenon: http://i.imgur.com/rUvfTYg.jpg I'm really more asking the general question... Have you as a composer ever been through a period of crisis where you think you're not good enough. And what techniques did you use to get yourself out of it? How can one boost their own confidence, from a psychological standpoint (that is, aside from getting "objectively" better at your craft, which I also will ask about in the second part of the post)?
One mentality I've come upon after discussing this with my good friends is the following. Be okay with sucking. Be okay with it being a constant struggle. Your main goal should really just be "to be one of those guys". Want this as your profession, because you love doing it, not to be the best there ever was. This seems to actually be a good mentality. Surprisingly, I found this video to be highly relevant to how to approach the process of learning and becoming better at a creative craft
So given all that dribble I just subjected you to, here's probably the more important part of the question. Here is my website: http://vincentrubinetti.com/ And here is a demo reel
In general, I guess what I'm looking for is the most focused and constructive advice that the experienced patrons of this forum can give me that will yield the best chances of just surviving in this industry. Be absolutely, completely honest and straight with me please. Despite my ramblings above, I'm a big boy and I can take it. That said though, I'm more interested in certain comments:
Is my production valuable passable for a commercial project? Is my demo music even appropriate for any type of media (I foolishly have written everything standalone, and have so far failed to practice writing for real productions)? Am I over-selling my abilities on the website? Should I not even mention sound design as a service when I frankly have very little experience with it? Should I even bother having a portfolio of stand alone music before I have any significant project under my belt; that is, will clients completely dismiss me because I have almost no demo-able work from actual shipped products? Do I need more demos of a certain kind? I should practice scoring actual film clips or video footage wayyyy more, shouldn't I? What practice should I do to become a more effective composer? Should I learn more music theory (it takes me 3-4 hours per minute of music if it's really flowing, but most often takes 6-8, or even up to 10 hours, mostly obsessing over the production subtleties)? Should I read more articles and watch more composer interviews?
So far, the only "experience" I've had is doing some very small composition, sound design, and consultation work for small indie developers, most of whom are friends I met on a forum many years ago. I've tried to approach independent projects that I thought were awesome, but was rejected every time. Based on that "state of the industry" post, I'm beginning to see that maybe it wasn't my fault, so maybe I can ease up on myself there. But other than that, I've had no shipped products, except for some ringtones for an old flip phone for an obscure carrier, and some sound effects for a small app. Everything else was cancelled or just conceptual. Outside of this, I haven't done any networking... I simply suck at it, and have no idea how to approach it. But it's something I must get better at if I'm to survive. So more questions related to this:
What forums should I definitely join to wedge myself into the circuit of composers (to possibly start a presence or god forbid make some actual composer friends who I can talk to about this stuff)? What societies are there to join, like ASCAP? What kind of conventions can I go to to meet other composers and developers, or just go to learn? What workshops are helpful? Should I even pursue putting myself in the slurry that is creative freelance websites, where a flood of composers work for nothing? Should I be pursuing contributing to good stock music libraries? Should I attempt to find a mentor, or work with someone in a studio? Should I attempt to join a music production house? Should I try to get an agent?
____________________________________________________________________________________
If you've read this far, thank you so much. I know some of my questions are general, but the answers I'm looking for aren't general, but rather somewhat specific based on what I've told you about myself and my situation. But massive points to anyone who can give me anything to think about at all!