Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks.
Starbucks make caffeinated beverages, but I wouldn't call it coffee.
Yeah, starbucks is pretty weak but its still far better than canned coffee. Canned coffee is often heated up excessivly to kill any microorganisms (To prevent the brewed coffee from going bad on the shelf), this however also makes canned coffee extremely bitter(similar to a normal brew that you've reheated in the microwave for far too long). Which is why they tend to add insane amounts of sugar and "milk" to make it "drinkable").
If the only thing L.spiro has tried is canned coffee then he is right to hate it, that stuff is vile.