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Critisize my cover letter

Started by September 01, 2011 10:53 AM
26 comments, last by kseh 13 years ago
Ok, so I'm about to send an application to a nearby game company(one of the very very few that exist here) and I'm thinking the cover letter is pretty important. So I'd like if gamedev members took a look at it and offer some critisism on how to introduce myself better. As I said in the title, I'm interested in the bold truth in order to really make some good corrections, so let me have it!

Thanks in advance, and here it is(I have deleted the names, but some of you may guess what they are):


[font="Times New Roman"]Dear sirs,[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]Hello. My name is Michael Mitsopoulos and I’m writing to you because I am really interested in working in your company, XXX, and more specifically in the first Greek MMORPG game, XXX.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]A little about myself. I am 29 years old, and a graduate of the Technological Institute(TEI) of Athens in Informatics. I was interested in computers and their applications from a young age, I believe I was around 10 when I started experimenting in programming in my old 286 with QBasic. As is natural with most kids, I developed an interest in game programming in particular, which I found fascinating. I made many little games there, like a slot-machine game, a Hangman game, and even a clone of Scorched Earth with planets and spaceships instead of mountains and tanks.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]I don’t want to bore you, so fast forward to today, I am familiar with a dozen of languages, have studied now programming and CS in general formally, I am familiar with advanced programming techniques, multithreading, design patterns, SOLID principles, I have worked professionally as a programmer mainly in database programming, but still my passion is in programming for games. I see working in your company as a terrific chance of combining my passion and my job at the same time. [/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]I have been following XXX since its birth, and it’s very interesting to see how it has grown to its current status. I especially liked from the start the fact that, unlike most MMORPGs today, the battles are not click-and-wait, but real-time FPS-like battles, and I’m impressed on how the engineers pulled this off considering it’s an massive online game, with the issues of latency and lag we all know exist in these games.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]I think I will be a valuable asset to your company and to XXX development team, because, first of all, I consider myself to be fairly experienced in programming and game/graphics programming in general, but most of all because I am a good communicator, a team player, and I’m always eager to learn new things and techniques(when I’m working on the computer and not trying to create my own game, you’ll most probably find me scanning the net for interesting new methods, especially pertaining to graphics and gameplay organization). In short, for some reason(be it the environment I grew up or…the ‘genes’) I have a passion for game developing, and I would love being part of the XXX team, having a chance to work alongside talented developers which I’m sure have many things to teach me about the trade. [/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]About the positions I would prefer, as I said I am very interested in graphics, so a position in the rendering technology department would make me most happy. Alternatively, I am interested in tools development too, as it is kind of a special category where the software you write is used to organize and optimize the work of the team itself, which means there will be communication and some sort of managerial challenges which I find fascinating.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]Finally a bit about my own projects…I am experienced in C++, D3D and OpenGL, among others(I list all my skills in my resume), and have created the usual small games(Pong,Tetris,Arkanoid and such) before I started on some more demanding projects. I have attempted, in a few occasions, to gather together an internet team, mostly 3D artists, so I can complete a more well-sized game. Those efforts had various degrees of success, none though resulted in a game ready to publish, mainly because internet teams are too disjointed, and people work whenever they like to, so progress was quite slow.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]For good or for worse though, I have uploaded and included some videos of some of my projects. So they are:[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]i)The closest I ever get to a finished project, a futuristic 3D racer. I got a team together to work on the art for the environments, but as I said it didn’t work out. However, the code was pretty solid and in good state.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]Gameplay video:[/font][font="Times New Roman"][color="#0000ff"]
[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"]Editor: [/font][font="Times New Roman"][color="#0000ff"]
[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]ii)a 3D isometric action game. The guy I worked with was pretty talented in 3D art, but real-life issues made him quit, and so the project stayed as it were.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][color="#0000ff"]
[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]iii)A small 3D fighting game featuring Gods of several mythologies.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][color="#0000ff"]
[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]iv)This is my latest effort, a small FPS game.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]
[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]About the rest of my credentials, I have a Proficiency in English language, and I have completed my army duties normally.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]Thank you for reading this letter, and I hope I’ll hear from you.[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"]With Regards,[/font]

[font="Times New Roman"] Michael Mitsopoulos
[/quote][/font]
IMHO: much too long.

Stick to saying hello, expressing interest in the company, saying your cv + portfolio is attached, and 1 link to the video of the racing game.

I wouldn't normally suggest even having any links in a cover letter, but if there's just one they might click if they are bored at work even if they aren't really hiring, and it's polished enough to make you stand out.

FWIW I've only ever worked for 1 games company, so I may be wrong.
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IMHO: much too long.

Stick to saying hello, expressing interest in the company, saying your cv + portfolio is attached, and 1 link to the video of the racing game.

I wouldn't normally suggest even having any links in a cover letter, but if there's just one they might click if they are bored at work even if they aren't really hiring, and it's polished enough to make you stand out.

FWIW I've only ever worked for 1 games company, so I may be wrong.


Well in the 'jobs' section of the company site, it explicitly says 'provide a detailed cover letter introducing yourself' and 'include samples of your work, preferably links of samples of your work'. That's why I wrote it this way.
Hi, I don't have the time to read it all, but I think the following things could be changed:

[font="Times New Roman"]I don’t want to bore you, so fast forward to today, [/font]


[font="Times New Roman"](be it the environment I grew up or…the ‘genes’)[/font]


[font="Times New Roman"]For good or for worse though[/font]

I know this is how you would usually say it (and I would too if I was talking to someone), but in a letter I think you should leave those out. You sound confident in your skills in other paragraphs and I think these detract from that feeling.


[font="Times New Roman"]The guy I worked with[/font]

Would "partner" sound better? or maybe cite his name.

Well in the 'jobs' section of the company site, it explicitly says 'provide a detailed cover letter introducing yourself' and 'include samples of your work, preferably links of samples of your work'. That's why I wrote it this way.


Ah OK. Still, maybe consider separating the samples of your work from the cover letter just to keep it tight and focussed?

I also kind of agree with Gaenor, in that I think that kind of friendly plain speaking is useful in an interview to build a rapport, but in a cover letter risks diluting your points and making the reader impatient.

Anyway, I wish you all the best of luck, but I don't think you'll need too much luck smile.gif


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[quote name='mikeman' timestamp='1314876355' post='4856232']
Well in the 'jobs' section of the company site, it explicitly says 'provide a detailed cover letter introducing yourself' and 'include samples of your work, preferably links of samples of your work'. That's why I wrote it this way.

Ah OK. Still, maybe consider separating the samples of your work from the cover letter just to keep it tight and focussed?
[/quote]

Already did it. I now have 3 files attached, the resume, the portfolio and the cover letter(in which I mention that I have the portfolio attached).

I also did away with the second paragraph about when I started programming and jumped right away to my current knowledge, I think I have made it apparent that I have a passion for gamedev that I don't need to share stories even about my childhood :P The letter is now just one page long.

And I have taken Gaenor's advice and lost those sentences, you were totally right that they were somehow 'off'.

Thanks a lot guys, great advice so far!
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"I don’t want to bore you, so fast forward to today"

Yup, those phony humble or whatever expressions do more harm than good. Just like apologizing in advance (except for some very commonly used polite expressions).

(personally, I don't like people who do that. It makes me want to slam them in the face. You said you wanted harsh :P )
I don't work in the industry, but from a business perspective you come off as a 'kid'. I feel like I'm reading more of your life story and personal interests as opposed to reading about why you're qualified for a job.

I'd speak more about what you've accomplished at your last job unrelated to the industry and with personal projects that relate specifically to the job. You're saying you want to work with graphics, talk about specific experience you have in graphics programming. Stuff like, "I created a Direct3D engine utilizing <some graphic industry tech terms> and used it to make this game." And then you can link to the game.

I think it's a mistake to appeal to passion, because I can imagine game companies have thousands of "applications" from people with no experience but "really love games." You don't want to come off as one of those people. You want to come off as an experienced programmer that is interested in working on this specific project and can start without needing their hand held.
My advice is simply to put your stuff in bullet-point form - nobody cares about your life story, at least not at this stage in the interview process. The person reading your application is likely to apply 'the seven second rule' which basically means if it takes more than seven seconds to read it, you get rejected. Harsh reality, huh?
In C++, friends have access to your privates.
In ObjAsm, your members are exposed!
Just to keep you guys up to date, this is the cover letter now:


Dear Sirs,

Hello. Myname is Michael Mitsopoulos and I’m writing to you because I am reallyinterested in working in your company, Aventurine SA, and more specifically inthe first Greek MMORPG game, DarkFall Online.

A littleabout myself. I am 29 years old, and a graduate of the TechnologicalInstitute(TEI) of Athensin Informatics. I am familiar with a dozen of languages, have studied nowprogramming and CS in general formally, I am familiar with advanced programmingtechniques, multithreading, design patterns, SOLID principles and I have workedprofessionally as a programmer mainly in database programming. Still, mypassion is in programming for games. I see working in your company as aterrific chance of combining my passion and my job at the same time.

I have beenfollowing Darkfall since its birth, and it’s very interesting to see how it hasgrown to its current status. I especially liked from the start the fact that,unlike most MMORPGs today, the battles are not click-and-wait, but real-timeFPS-like battles, and I’m impressed on how the engineers pulled this offconsidering it’s an massive online game, with the issues of latency and lag weall know exist in these games.

I think Iwill be a valuable asset to your company and to Darkfall development team,because, first of all, I consider myself to be fairly experienced inprogramming and game/graphics programming in general, but most of all because Iam a good communicator, a team player, and I’m always eager to learn new thingsand techniques(when I’m working on the computer and not trying to create my owngame, you’ll most probably find me scanning the net for interesting newmethods, especially pertaining to graphics and gameplay organization). Inshort, I have a passion for game developing, and I would love being part of theDarkfall team, having a chance to work alongside talented developers which I’msure have many things to teach me about the trade.

About thepositions I would prefer, as I said I am very interested in graphics, so aposition in the rendering technology department would make me most happy.Alternatively, I am interested in tools development too, as it is kind of aspecial category where the software you write is used to organize and optimizethe work of the team itself, which means there will be communication and somesort of managerial challenges which I find fascinating.

About therest of my credentials, I have a Proficiency in English Language, and I havecompleted my army duties normally.

I’m alsoenclosing my portfolio with some links to some of my projects.

Thank youfor reading this letter and I hope I’ll hear from your company.

WithRegards,

Michael Mitsopoulos


[/quote]

And to reiterate, the guidelines on their site state that:

1)Introduce yourself in a detailed cover letter
2)Show that you know things about the company and its products in particular and how they work
3)Talk about why you'd fit in the company
4)Mention the position you're interested in.
5)Include links to samples of your work

-EDIT: Some weird glitches with spacing in the quote, don't exist in the cover letter itself so ignore them

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