Somehow in our society, mental health has become a taboo topic. [/quote]
You are probably right, but I think seeking pro help is a bit of an overkill for a "common" relationship break-up such as this one. Unless of course, the OP in question spiralled into deep depression and is unable to get over it.


Do yourself a favour, never delve too deeply about the break-up. Try not getting overly emotional about superficial things, such receiving the news via email, as opposed to in person. How she delivered the news is immaterial, that will not change your current situation. Particularly, don't ponder exhaustively on the "what if" scenarios, or engage in crazy speculative thinking, or wonder why the relationship went pear-shaped. That just asking for psychological trouble, right there. Reflecting is one thing, torturing yourself is another. I think the best option here is to keep yourself occupied with things to do, such as work, movies, games, hobbies, ..., whatever... anything to distract your mind. Do this long enough, and you will walk away still intact.

.....

2 months of it means you are emotionally unhealthy? Are you serious? While I'll agree that someone should get help, but running to the psychologist with every little shit IS unhealthy. Upset because your GF left you? Go to psychologist! Sad because lost a job? Go to psychologist! Are you in mourning because someone you loved died? Go to psychologist! We are labelling perfectly normal feelings are emotionally/mentally unhealthy. That's unhealthy IMHO.

Not to mention it's not so easy (at all) to get a good psychologist. Maybe you are rich and it's that simple for you.

[quote name='SteveDeFacto' timestamp='1310884525' post='4836265']
Frob's reply is complete garbage. A psychologist would be a complete wast of money and 2 months is really not a long time to get over a break up. Look at things as they are. You were rejected and being rejected hurts far more than rejecting someone. Your ego was hurt and now you can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with you or something you did. This is completely normal and you will probably continue to feel this way for a few more months.

I always chuckle when I hear responses like that.


Somehow in our society, mental health has become a taboo topic. Similar to how a century ago women couldn't admit to being pregnant, even when they were 9 months along and about to have the child; many people would whisper "Ignore her, she's P.G.", unable to even speak the dirty word "pregnant".





Imagine if the OP had said "I hurt my shoulder two months ago. I've done everything I can think of, ice and heat, taking OTC anti-inflammatory drugs, done everything suggested by my friends, now I'm turning to the Internets for help". There would be the immediate replies of "see a doctor you idiot" along with the obligatory "I spun AIDS" comic. Even if the problem would go away with time, the recommendation would still be to get professional help.

But when it is a psychological harm, and it is impairing your life for months on end, there is such a negative backlash against anything dealing with mental health.

Physical health? Yeah, see a doctor after it starts impairing your life. Emotional health? Be a man and ignore the pain. Somehow people forget that emotional pain ruins lives and leaves deep scars.


If ANYTHING is impairing your life and you can't fix it on your own, you simply get professional help from someone expert in the field.

If you have problems with your car and you can't fix it, professional help means a mechanic. If you have problems with your air conditioning and can't fix it, professional help means an HVAC technician. If you can't find an address, professional help means opening a map or using a GPS or asking a local for driving directions. If you have problems with your shoulder and you can't fix it, professional help means visiting your family doctor. And if you have problems coping with a serious emotional event, professional help comes from a psychologist.

There is no shame in admitting you aren't perfect or an expert on every topic, and seeking help from an expert whenever you need it.
[/quote]

Though I COMPLETELY see and respect your perspective, I also just thought someone's two cents on the subject was nothing harmful as I had already come to a conclusion I was happy with but wanted to see other people's experiences. It would be different if I knew that most of you were creeps. But here on gamedev, I assume most of us are mature (and probably a majority older) to be able to discuss some things like this. Especially in the forum marked "lounge". I see it like a bar sometimes. Walk on in, meet a few people, talk about stuff, leave.

Also, since it -is- a social gathering of human beings, I thought maybe other could come out and share their stories if they had any. Kind of like "Hey man. You're not alone." I think it's nice sometimes. Like fmylife.com

[quote name='SteveDeFacto' timestamp='1310884525' post='4836265']
Frob's reply is complete garbage. A psychologist would be a complete wast of money and 2 months is really not a long time to get over a break up. Look at things as they are. You were rejected and being rejected hurts far more than rejecting someone. Your ego was hurt and now you can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with you or something you did. This is completely normal and you will probably continue to feel this way for a few more months.

I always chuckle when I hear responses like that.


Somehow in our society, mental health has become a taboo topic. Similar to how a century ago women couldn't admit to being pregnant, even when they were 9 months along and about to have the child; many people would whisper "Ignore her, she's P.G.", unable to even speak the dirty word "pregnant".





Imagine if the OP had said "I hurt my shoulder two months ago. I've done everything I can think of, ice and heat, taking OTC anti-inflammatory drugs, done everything suggested by my friends, now I'm turning to the Internets for help". There would be the immediate replies of "see a doctor you idiot" along with the obligatory "I spun AIDS" comic. Even if the problem would go away with time, the recommendation would still be to get professional help.

But when it is a psychological harm, and it is impairing your life for months on end, there is such a negative backlash against anything dealing with mental health.

Physical health? Yeah, see a doctor after it starts impairing your life. Emotional health? Be a man and ignore the pain. Somehow people forget that emotional pain ruins lives and leaves deep scars.


If ANYTHING is impairing your life and you can't fix it on your own, you simply get professional help from someone expert in the field.

If you have problems with your car and you can't fix it, professional help means a mechanic. If you have problems with your air conditioning and can't fix it, professional help means an HVAC technician. If you can't find an address, professional help means opening a map or using a GPS or asking a local for driving directions. If you have problems with your shoulder and you can't fix it, professional help means visiting your family doctor. And if you have problems coping with a serious emotional event, professional help comes from a psychologist.

There is no shame in admitting you aren't perfect or an expert on every topic, and seeking help from an expert whenever you need it.
[/quote]

Cannot agree with this more.

Moreover, you don't need to be mentally ill to go see a psychiatrist. In fact, this couldn't be further from the truth! You can be very happy and still benefit from a few sessions. Indeed, the role of a psychologist includes simply helping to relieve psychological distress and promote your mental well-being and personal development.

It's kind of like going to the doctor for a physical or bringing your car at the garage for a routine maintenance.

I actually understand why she said "but I love you", but actually did the opposite. She actually cares about you, but she's not sure if she wants to be with you. She doesn't think you are hot enough. You are not exciting enough. In other words, you are boring now, to her. See, a woman can care for a guy but not sleep with him. Are you friend-zoned? Not really, friendzone is worse than that. Consider that somewhere in between, which also sucks, btw.

Do you have any chance of going back to her? Yes, if you play your cards right.
Am I suggesting you to do that? No. Don't ever try to go back to your ex. She'll come to you when she wants to.

Now, back to you, how do you cope with the loss? Nothing much you can do. Do other things, date other women, eventually it will wear off. Try to be more interesting, develop new skills, new groups of friends, and have some vision to your future (which doesn't involve her).

Do you have any chance of going back to her? Yes, if you play your cards right.
Am I suggesting you to do that? No. Don't ever try to go back to your ex. She'll come to you when she wants to.

Why would you go back to someone/take back someone that broke up with you via email?

[quote name='alnite' timestamp='1311024076' post='4837040']
Do you have any chance of going back to her? Yes, if you play your cards right.
Am I suggesting you to do that? No. Don't ever try to go back to your ex. She'll come to you when she wants to.

Why would you go back to someone/take back someone that broke up with you via email?
[/quote]

That's up to you. If she wants to go back to you, you will know. However, when this happens, you will have the control instead of her. Do you want to take her back, or reject her?

Everybody has different opinions of their exes.

While I think Frob's post, in and of itself, is correct in principle but in this particular case I think a closer parallel would be if he hurt his arm yesterday. "I'm still depressed after two months, I think I'll talk to the dudes I know" is perfectly, 100% normal from my experience.

"[color="#1C2837"]I actually understand why she said 'but I love you', but ... She doesn't think you are hot enough. You are not exciting enough. In other words, you are boring now, to her"
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]This is what I was thinking exactly.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]One has to keep up a certain effort to be interesting & engaging and there's a lot of supremely common pitfalls guys run into. The generic "help for dudes who want to get laid" type articles are usually based around this, which is why I recommended that.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]"[color="#1C2837"]If she wants to go back to you, you will know. However, when this happens, you will have the control ..."
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Seconded.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]I strongly recommend against any display that says "yeah you e-dumped me, but I still want you!" so I recommend against any effort to "get her back" that doesn't involve her asking for it and - ideally - making her work for it. Otherwise the OP would look like a pushover and thus be unattractive and, even if they're again "in a relationship" it's off to a shakier start.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]The risk that she might not make that effort or even bother to contact him is simply a risk one must live with and look comfortable with.

I actually understand why she said 'but I love you', but ... She doesn't think you are hot enough. You are not exciting enough. In other words, you are boring now, to her[/quote]

Well if that truly is the case, why should I give a damn about someone's shallow standards? People's tastes tend to change. It's not like she made my life any different. I mean yeah there were dates and enjoyable memories I won't forget, but I could say the same for a roller coaster. And at least that I can get on and off as many times as I wanna.

The risk that she might not make that effort or even bother to contact him is simply a risk one must live with and look comfortable with.[/quote]

Actually, I'm not one to hold grudges and she really wants to be friends at least. Which, I'm fine with. However, our conversations tend to get heated by her own "unrealistic views" of a friendship should be after the relationship. I suppose this move wasn't entirely smart because more time obviously needed to be had apart. Which was the kick-starter for this thread I believe. Long story short, we talked about maybe talking again two months from now. (Mainly because I was getting sick of her bitchy attitude when I was under the impression we we "just talking"). If she does it again, screw her. I consider that three strikes.

Also, should I have mentioned the main reason for break-up was religious view differences? I find it silly.

"[color=#1C2837][size=2]Also, should I have mentioned the main reason for break-up was religious view ..."
[color=#1C2837][size=2]

[color=#1C2837][size=2]Should've mentioned that, yes, and while it's silly, it's a common compatibility issue.
[color=#1C2837][size=2]

[color=#1C2837][size=2]Don't know what "unrealistic views" is either...
[color=#1C2837][size=2]

[color=#1C2837][size=2]Normally I'd just cut the person off 100% and if I were in your spot, when she tries to talk again I would just say "I'd rather not continue this" or something to that effect. But I'm not there. So... I dunno.