Getting dumped is never an easy thing.

The way I see it the fact you are aware that you are drifting into the thoughts is a good step; at this point the trick (as I see it) is to learn to push the thoughts to one side and dump them. Over time this becomes easier.

And it goes without saying that you aren't the only one who reacts this way; I tend to spend 6 months to a year going over things in my head... heck, a year and a bit after my last breakup I sometimes still drift back into the thoughts (mostly when tired these days) but my reaction these days is to mentally slap myself and get on with things.

As for trying to figure it out; well it's doable but it takes time as you have to get past the inital emotional reaction and then back off and look at the facts, for myself this can take upwards of 6 months after the final break-up event in order to let my brain stabilise out again.

In the short term I've also found that taking an angry FU mindset helps kick lasses out of your brain ;)
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Maybe I should have noted the relationship lasted over a year. So it wasn't 3 weeks or something.

But I never considered that I would never figure it out. That's a good point I'd never thought of. It is all in my perspective.

Haha, yeah I've been doing the "FU" thing lately. I still feel somewhat bad though because her family likes me a lot and they all still talk to me despite her actions. Perhaps I should push them away too? I mean they're a great bunch of people.

From Frob:

It doesn't look like you were married or engaged to be married, so the commitment hadn't been so far along to be overly traumatic. From the two lines of text it looks like she still respects you as a person, just doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you.

...

If you cannot resolve the issue by talking with your friends and family and co-workers, and you are now at the point where you are asking complete strangers online for guidance, that's a good sign you need professional help. Go pay a few visits to a psychologist.
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I never said it was traumatic. I'm just frustrated because it has been a while and it won't get out of my mind. I will go a few good days and then the next thing I know, I'm dwelling on it and need to distract my mind with something else. It's at the point where it's annoying -me-.

I also don't think she respects me. Turns out she's a total "B". I also hate that. I always think I get to know the lass, and then afterwards I'm thinking "who are you?". A good friend of mine looked at me and told me "You sure do know how to pick 'em".

And to answer the other thing, I have an idea to resolve it which I've been working on myself, but I saw no harm in 3rd party opinions. (maybe considered 4th party?) I'm not going to see a psychologist because of something so petty as this.

"[color="#1C2837"]I also don't think she respects me"
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If she dumped you over email in that jerk-you-around "fuck off but also i love you" way, she does not respect you. If she were to call now and say "I could take you back", the correct response is "go fellate a brick".

"[color="#1C2837"]Perhaps I should push them away too?"
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Yes; break away.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]"... [color="#1C2837"]no harm in 3rd party opinions"
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[color="#1C2837"]I agree, with the caveat that 3rd parties don't know enough; 3rd parties are not emotionally invested and have an easy time thinking rationally. Any reasonable adult who's been there will do. I think the GDnet lounge is fine; there's a lounge because it's community and it's folks you sorta know.

I'm pretty sure you dodged a bullet with her.

If you can't find out what you did wrong, it could be that you did nothing wrong. Sometimes it's really not you and it's the other person dealing with their own shyt.

Got any related stories?
F**K GIRLS

F**K GIRLS

I agree with this sentiment. All a guy really needs is a Daniel Radcliffe poster and a pack of tissues.

Err, I mean, Christina....Spears? Yes, Christina Spears. She is very hotness. What with that thing, she does with her... Hair? I'll go with hair. Yes, her all the way.

Daniel Radcliffe

I actually had to google that name to see who it was. I think I earned a cookie.

Damn guys. I didn't expect this much attention to my post. Lol.

Needless to say my future self visited me earlier today, slapped me silly, and told me to "stop being such a p*ssy". I understand what I must do.

Thanks though for the advice!

If I were in your situation I would be more pissed that it was over email; noting that I've broken up with girls via text message before, so I have no right to judge, but that wasn't a year relationship. You'd think she could at least give you the courtesy of telling you to your face or at least over the phone or something more personal than email.

Frob's reply is complete garbage. A psychologist would be a complete wast of money and 2 months is really not a long time to get over a break up. Look at things as they are. You were rejected and being rejected hurts far more than rejecting someone. Your ego was hurt and now you can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with you or something you did. This is completely normal and you will probably continue to feel this way for a few more months.

I always chuckle when I hear responses like that.


Somehow in our society, mental health has become a taboo topic. Similar to how a century ago women couldn't admit to being pregnant, even when they were 9 months along and about to have the child; many people would whisper "Ignore her, she's P.G.", unable to even speak the dirty word "pregnant".





Imagine if the OP had said "I hurt my shoulder two months ago. I've done everything I can think of, ice and heat, taking OTC anti-inflammatory drugs, done everything suggested by my friends, now I'm turning to the Internets for help". There would be the immediate replies of "see a doctor you idiot" along with the obligatory "I spun AIDS" comic. Even if the problem would go away with time, the recommendation would still be to get professional help.

But when it is a psychological harm, and it is impairing your life for months on end, there is such a negative backlash against anything dealing with mental health.

Physical health? Yeah, see a doctor after it starts impairing your life. Emotional health? Be a man and ignore the pain. Somehow people forget that emotional pain ruins lives and leaves deep scars.


If ANYTHING is impairing your life and you can't fix it on your own, you simply get professional help from someone expert in the field.

If you have problems with your car and you can't fix it, professional help means a mechanic. If you have problems with your air conditioning and can't fix it, professional help means an HVAC technician. If you can't find an address, professional help means opening a map or using a GPS or asking a local for driving directions. If you have problems with your shoulder and you can't fix it, professional help means visiting your family doctor. And if you have problems coping with a serious emotional event, professional help comes from a psychologist.

There is no shame in admitting you aren't perfect or an expert on every topic, and seeking help from an expert whenever you need it.