The story was quite interesting. I do have a few questions/points:

1. What actually made people created by Forn drop their weapons and weep? The scene didn't seem dramatical at all -- "and upon witnessing such a power" is not defined. In the Bible God shook the earth while Jesus was being crucified and on the verge of death. Then he rose from the dead. That is a proper display of power that allowed for a civilization to worship a god for centuries. Unless the miracle was intentionally weak (so the civilization drops dead after a millenium, as stated later) I find this a weak point. Maybe you should describe the actions he took, apart from saying "You are blessed" and vanishing for no rason whatsoever.

2. Wouldn't it be kind of reckless for an almighty entity to actually leave such rubble behind and go on vacation? And why give a newborn race such immense powers over his own sons? IMO Forn was asking for it.

3. I was interested where the whole thing with Gabriel was going. And then it stopped. Maybe you should add a description of people actually trying to prevent the cataclysm? If the catastrophy wasn't snap-your-fingers fast, they would rather have at least some of their population packed onto shuttles, submarines, ships and whatnot to survive.

4. As a responsible God I would at least tell the new beings "See those ruins? You make trouble and it's your graves". Before each cataclysm there was at least one prophet who claimed to be contacted by God or another entity that humanity should repent. Unless Forn and his sons are ruthless (which is kind of to my liking) they would act with more caution and love towards their creation.

Your message from the back story is confused at best and saying this isn't the real world, just very similar, and the reason it's different is cuz it's set in the past makes you, yourself sound confused as well.

So first thing I'd say is just set it on Earth and say this happens in the future. Our civ falls because rampant christian dominionism... thousands of years pass and your story continues.

[color=#1C2837][size=2]synthetic organism that would become the image of the Archangel, Gabriel.
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]#1 Most scientists that could do this wouldn't
[color=#1C2837][size=2]#2 Those scientists that would do this couldn't
[color=#1C2837][size=2]#3 It's called genetically engineering and it would require the child to grow up educated very specifically and likely be abused to such a degree to get the kid to believe he's an actual angel
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]The story goes, as per what the characters in-game have heard, that the three sons of the Giant of life (Forn) had grown angry at the humans indulgence and growing abandonment of balance, among other reasons. Not to mention their social regression, in that instead of forgetting the gods and justifying all things natural with their science, they had turned to a faith created to control and in turn devolve the race so lovingly crafted by Forn.[/quote]
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]This says that theists are technically right... and god destroyed them for being right. That makes your god evil.
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]the later generations of this new race began to delve into the mysterious of the ancients, and began to learn of and harness the old technology and knowledge, which they deemed more efficient, smarter, easier, etc. They became corrupted by the old world, and among the technology they found weaponry.[/quote]
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]#1 This contradicts the previous quote. Technology is not "corrupted" by itself and this god likes beings that try to advance their knowledge so he would see this as a good thing
[color=#1C2837][size=2]#2 this implies that science and technology are "corrupt" somehow and that it has some sort of cooties that gets all over the pure ignorant being...again in direct opposition of the opening ideas.
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]basically what I see is
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[color=#1C2837][size=2]This is not the real world...but it is
[color="#1c2837"]Religion is bad but right!
[color="#1c2837"]Science is bad!
[color="#1c2837"]Technology is bad!
[color="#1c2837"]We have magic...but lost it because we forgot about it cuz technology!
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[color="#1c2837"]That is one big ball of crazy confused messaging.
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[color="#1c2837"]Also I'm not sure you need to go in that deep at all...
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[color="#1c2837"]Humanity was destroyed by Forn for losing site of progress
[color="#1c2837"]A new race rose in place of the greatest of the fallen cities of man
[color="#1c2837"]They for a time were taught by Forn and his children in the ways of magic
[color="#1c2837"]But one day ancient weapons were found and the new race began warring with itself
[color="#1c2837"]As time passed the ways of magic were lost but to a few and history faded to legend
[color="#1c2837"]Forn angered at this showed his power
[color="#1c2837"]The warring stopped, they'd realized their mistake.
[color="#1c2837"]They put aside their weapons and built great cities to worship each of the sons of Forn
[color="#1c2837"]Millenia passed and all fell into legend once more
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[color="#1c2837"]There, now you can tell your story with all the background set with no contradicting messages ^.^

What you've done is puke out a bunch of stuff, and that's what I do, and what I usually do at this point is look at and ask, "What does this MEAN?"

So let's do that!

The #1 thing jumping out at me is the cycle of decay and refresh that Thomas Jefferson and the founders talked about that inspired the right to bear arms. It'sabout the tendencies of societies to break down into corruption. We always have these revolutions and then they just fall apart, things go back the way they were. Russia does this over and over again, for example. They throw out one class of sociopathic autocrats to usher in another.

Your piece paints a picture of humans as something like Windows 98. Its state grows fucked more and more, little by little, until it has to be rebooted and sometimes even wiped clean and reinstalled.

I'll pitch some questions at you.

1) Does that sound like something you'd say about humans?

2) Are there three sons because you felt like having a Numbered Blanks of Blank? I would see if I could rewrite this so that it's just Forn, or some kind of second individual (a "devil"? a divine punisher?) performing destruction. Furthermore, if they don't have some purpose as individuals, I would eliminate them altogether.

Once you've more clearly fleshed out your story it may be the case that many things you've written are vestigial. But that's OK because you can be a pro and pros delete stuff.

3) Do they worship these transcendent individuals? Are they gods in the eyes of man?

I'd recommend Robert Ellwood's Introducing Religion. It is a small book but it is dense.

A main point I'd like to bring up though is the worship of gods as a response to emotional needs. Religion is a social act; people try to cultivate socialish relationships with gods. They "talk" to gods, and its social role in ratifying the social conventions we have, to imbue them with meaning, is key.

A side effect of this is that religions can die when societies change, and one thing that radically changes social structures is technology. It changes how you produce things, and a lot of social conventions and lifestyles stem from how we produce.

Process that in the context of your story and see if you come up with anything.

4) "if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

5) Why orphans? Could this decay cycle be expressed at the individual level? Could they have grown up in wealth? Is the gang they join decaying too?

Final note. Try a lot less to draw on other genre works and try to look at the things they drew on. Philosophers, statesmen, etc. Real life history.

Asking what it's really about, is about writing something with passion because it means something to you. Regurgitating superficialities from other works is how to become the moron who wrote the "nine pieces of eight" plotline in those half-baked Pirates of the word I can't remember how to spell sequels.

Great criticism, big eye-opener. I'll write down all your questions and post them answered, essay style.

Just to be clear, my questions are largely rhetorical. I'm less interested in getting clear answers about what you've made than in giving you something to think about while you work your story.

Just to be clear, my questions are largely rhetorical. I'm less interested in getting clear answers about what you've made than in giving you something to think about while you work your story.

I'm going to have to answer them if i want to improve what I've written

Sorry if it got a little confusing.

Here's some explanations/thoughts:

Could it be possible that the Angel is just a complicated machine, with an even more complicated AI.
Built with the technology of the ancient world, with an created mind, memories and emotion. Perhaps the Angels understanding of these things is completely different to the average humans, and much less complex, but the execution is enhanced to seem real. That's a way i can justify it.

The humans that were destroyed lived in an age of technology, say 50 years ahead of our own, and the current story is based roughly 10 thousand years later. The whole idea is based in a fictional universe.

Forn didn't destroy the human race, his sons did. Forn saw that they were stagnating as a race but could not bring himself to kill what he had created. His sons were not so kind, and they destroyed them with all their might. Think volcano eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves, storms, tornadoes. Maybe it was a more personal eradication, where they reaped destruction by distorting the laws of nature. Perhaps this distortion of the laws of nature paved the way for the new race to harness the powers of the Sons of Forn.

The first generation of the new race was taught by Forn that balance was essential to progression as a race, and that happiness and safety always needed to be equalized by pain and suffering. It is a bit superficial.

Lets say they they find all these objects from the old world. Some that still manage to function. Guns, wheels, toasters, etc. They find all this knowledge that gives them immediate ease of living, without the cost of suffering to aquire it. Wouldn't there be a negative social effect that accompanied being given everything for free?
I'm fairly simple minded so this is hard to process or explain, but isn't free time so much sweeter when you've been working your ass off all day? I do feel moved by the idea of a thriving society, overcoming any obstacles with the virtues they learned through good hard work. I also feel moved by the tragedy of them being influenced by the modern world.

A main point I'd like to bring up though is the worship of gods as a response to emotional needs. Religion is a social act; people try to cultivate socialish relationships with gods. They "talk" to gods, and its social role in ratifying the social conventions we have, to imbue them with meaning, is key.

A side effect of this is that religions can die when societies change, and one thing that radically changes social structures is technology. It changes how you produce things, and a lot of social conventions and lifestyles stem from how we produce.

Process that in the context of your story and see if you come up with anything.
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I thought about this, and what meaning the Sons of Logi would have to the new race. I suppose Logi, Kari and Ogir might be simply the mythical embodiments of the compounds. Perhaps they're just created to explain the powers the humans have. Like the lore about the ancient race and Forn is created by the new race, as a means to explain the history of the world.

Humanity was destroyed by Forn for losing site of progress
A new race rose in place of the greatest of the fallen cities of man
They for a time were taught by Forn and his children in the ways of magic
But one day ancient weapons were found and the new race began warring with itself
As time passed the ways of magic were lost but to a few and history faded to legend
Forn angered at this showed his power
The warring stopped, they'd realized their mistake.
They put aside their weapons and built great cities to worship each of the sons of Forn
Millenia passed and all fell into legend once more
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I don't think I would've ever summed it up this well.

These are what explanations i can come up with for the present, will continue tomorrow.

Feedback welcomed and appreciated.

"[color="#1C2837"]Could it be possible that the Angel is just a complicated machine ... whole idea is a fictional universe"

[color="#1C2837"]Always err on the side of less details.

[color="#1C2837"]The details of the false angel are irrelevant, I disagree with bringing them up. The simple facts are this...

[color="#1C2837"]"A fundamentalist dictator ordered his engineers to craft a false Gabriel."

[color="#1C2837"]That is literally 100% of what you need to know, and if you were to encounter this false Gabriel later, you can make up whatever. The sentence above also sums up their technology level and goes a long way towards characterizing the civilization as a whole.

[color="#1C2837"]But the real problem with the angel is, as I explained and I think one of the others did, is that it's vestigial. They get to work and then everything goes bang.
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[color="#1C2837"]"Wouldn't there be a negative social effect that accompanied being given everything for free?"

[color="#1C2837"]Definitely. In fact, worse than you're imagining right now I think. If I may add some material for you...

[color="#1C2837"]"[color="#1C2837"]Lets say they they find all these objects from the old world ... immediate ease of living, without the cost of suffering to aquire it ..."

[color="#1C2837"]The fact that it would not do that is an easy lead-in to the subsequent war and collapse.

[color="#1C2837"]Most technology is not easy to make. Everything we have today depends on a vast industrial base that was built with a lot of blood. Slaves and underpaid laborers dying to work in coal mines and build rails, things like that. Over a thousand people still die in coal mines in China annually. That's a Chernobyl worth of death every year. (Speaking of which, you don't master nuclear power without first fucking it up a dozen times. Or medicine. Or jets. Or spaceships. Or ...)

[color="#1C2837"]Computers and things require complex manufacturing which is advanced every year. The Soviets would try to copy our computers, and would only ever succeed in making half-assed versions of 5 to 10 year old systems for that reason; they didn't know how to fabricate them.

[color="#1C2837"]I'll also throw in a few examples of real live people given tools of war form vastly more advanced civilizations with no manufacturing ability: [color="#1C2837"]Native American tribes who fought in proxy wars between superpowers, the Confederacy (had British ships), the Taliban, every African dictator, every South American dictator, Kim Jong Il, ...

[color="#1C2837"]In short; goatfuck.

[color="#1C2837"]But I'm still definitely seeing the refresh, decay cycle in full force. The original folks didn't get anything for free, did they? And you describe them decaying again, after their tech-bump wars are ended. There are in fact three distinct decay events here, only one of which involves a tech bump.

[color="#1C2837"]In either case, if this is about windfalls, you might want to cut away a lot of extraneous stuff and you might want to think about how you can map this to the individuals at the heart of your story. You might even consider Forn giving them some freebies at the start.
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[color="#1C2837"]"[color="#1C2837"]Perhaps they're just created to explain the powers the humans have"

[color="#1C2837"]Might be like patron saints of technologies.

[color="#1C2837"]Fire, water and wind are at the heart of most of our technologies.

[color="#1C2837"]Just look at the F-22 and its hydraulic control and kerosene powered gas turbines. We are still developing new technology around fire.

Sorry if it got a little confusing.

it's not confusing. It's confused as in I can follow it but what you are saying is not coherent as a complete structure.

Forn didn't destroy the human race, his sons did. Forn saw that they were stagnating as a race but could not bring himself to kill what he had created.
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You're suggesting in 50 years we'll be able to create a genetically engineered being or a sophisticated android but that will be considered "stagnating." that doesn't work as any creature with knowledge about human civ would note the dark ages and know that that short amount of time is not enough to say a civ is stagnating.

stuff about introducing advanced tech to less advanced civs
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there have been instances where guns were given to unadvanced civs and they ended up using them as clubs

but it seems you are talking about a civ that gets the tech and then works out how it works and mass produces it which is a hell of a difference