I have some written concepts, I need constructive feedback and if its positive, can I know if you're interested in any of my concepts.
Here's my first one now.And tell me if this is how game designers do to explain in the team.
Brione
Story:Once upoun a time in a peaceful world of Casteriz, everyone votes for the new mayor Salle Whitebrush.But one day Bady a gangster along with Socky kidnaps Salle.Who will save her now? It’s all up to the police man Brione tostop Bady once and for all.
Gameplay:The game is a 2d Action.The player’s goal is to rescue Salle and defeat Bady.Brione can run, jump, punch and swim similar to mario games.But instead of a goal line at the end of the level,the player has to capture crooks as much as possible or atleast
Catch the crook with a key to get access to the next level.Each crook is hidden in a room and if the player finds a crook, the crook will try to hide/run to another room.Crooks can easily be caught either by punching them or using a whistle where McDean and others will assist catching difficult crooks.When all crooks disappear the game ends with a game over sign.If the player collects the “Morphing vitamin"Brione’s hands can change into mechanical tools like a hammer,shovel,drilleretc, allowing him to solve puzzles or catch harder crooks.If the player collects money from crooks,Brione can go to mints and unlock secret levels.At the end of each stage the player must fight a boss.Once done the player can access to the next stage.
My concepts
102
March 31, 2011 07:17 AM
Pardon my face, but o_O.
As for your presentation, completely ignoring content for the time being, it lacks a level of professionalism. Your pitch should be free of typographical errors and grammatically sound, which yours is not.
There are also some unclear things, but that bleeds into content (and concept), so I'll just get into that portion of it now. The "peaceful world of Casteriz?" If this is a story about goons kidnapping a mayor (which, frankly, doesn't seem sensible to begin with) and a cop trying to free her (him?), why is there a need to invent some whole new fictional world? Mayor's are the heads of cities, not worlds, and there are plenty of appropriate cities in the world with police forces where this could take place.
You relate this game to Mario...how appropriate is that, really? Mario's more jumping than punching, and why on earth does a police officer need to swim at any point in the game? Seems like there are an enormous amount of 2D sidescrolling games you can relate your concept to more fittingly, such as ESWAT: City Under Siege or maybe even Streets of Rage, since your police officer, inexplicably, doesn't carry a firearm.
The gameplay elements definitely warrant further explanation. How do "rooms" work in a 2D game? Why would you have a 2D sidescroller where the intent isn't to reach the end of the level? You say you're supposed to catch as many crooks as possible or at least catch the one with the key that allows you to progress...so why bother catching as many crooks as possible? (Heck, I'm a police officer, why do I need a key to go anywhere?) And why is it "Game Over" when the "crooks disappear?" The mayor's still kidnapped! Why would the crooks disappear?
The idea of blowing a whistle to call for backup makes no sense (whistles are for crime deterrent by individuals, not communication between law enforcement officers). Further, why aren't those guys helping out in the first place? Or can I just keep pressing the "whistle button" and have a bunch of help constantly at my side?
I'm not quite sure where to go with respect to the "morphing vitamin" mechanic...
To me, neither story nor gameplay make sense, not even as an offbeat and over the top parody of 2D games. But nothing is stopping you from going with all of these ideas that I think are nonsensical except for the lack of clarity and specificity. The gameplay elements leave way too many unanswered questions for this to be something you pitch to a potential team or company. Even if you want to use every single one of these ideas in their present form, your proposal needs to be developed much more and presented much more professionally.
As for your presentation, completely ignoring content for the time being, it lacks a level of professionalism. Your pitch should be free of typographical errors and grammatically sound, which yours is not.
There are also some unclear things, but that bleeds into content (and concept), so I'll just get into that portion of it now. The "peaceful world of Casteriz?" If this is a story about goons kidnapping a mayor (which, frankly, doesn't seem sensible to begin with) and a cop trying to free her (him?), why is there a need to invent some whole new fictional world? Mayor's are the heads of cities, not worlds, and there are plenty of appropriate cities in the world with police forces where this could take place.
You relate this game to Mario...how appropriate is that, really? Mario's more jumping than punching, and why on earth does a police officer need to swim at any point in the game? Seems like there are an enormous amount of 2D sidescrolling games you can relate your concept to more fittingly, such as ESWAT: City Under Siege or maybe even Streets of Rage, since your police officer, inexplicably, doesn't carry a firearm.
The gameplay elements definitely warrant further explanation. How do "rooms" work in a 2D game? Why would you have a 2D sidescroller where the intent isn't to reach the end of the level? You say you're supposed to catch as many crooks as possible or at least catch the one with the key that allows you to progress...so why bother catching as many crooks as possible? (Heck, I'm a police officer, why do I need a key to go anywhere?) And why is it "Game Over" when the "crooks disappear?" The mayor's still kidnapped! Why would the crooks disappear?
The idea of blowing a whistle to call for backup makes no sense (whistles are for crime deterrent by individuals, not communication between law enforcement officers). Further, why aren't those guys helping out in the first place? Or can I just keep pressing the "whistle button" and have a bunch of help constantly at my side?
I'm not quite sure where to go with respect to the "morphing vitamin" mechanic...
To me, neither story nor gameplay make sense, not even as an offbeat and over the top parody of 2D games. But nothing is stopping you from going with all of these ideas that I think are nonsensical except for the lack of clarity and specificity. The gameplay elements leave way too many unanswered questions for this to be something you pitch to a potential team or company. Even if you want to use every single one of these ideas in their present form, your proposal needs to be developed much more and presented much more professionally.
Published writer with a background in journalism looking for experience in game writing.
April 01, 2011 02:59 AM
Pardon my face, but o_O.
As for your presentation, completely ignoring content for the time being, it lacks a level of professionalism. Your pitch should be free of typographical errors and grammatically sound, which yours is not.
There are also some unclear things, but that bleeds into content (and concept), so I'll just get into that portion of it now. The "peaceful world of Casteriz?" If this is a story about goons kidnapping a mayor (which, frankly, doesn't seem sensible to begin with) and a cop trying to free her (him?), why is there a need to invent some whole new fictional world? Mayor's are the heads of cities, not worlds, and there are plenty of appropriate cities in the world with police forces where this could take place.
You relate this game to Mario...how appropriate is that, really? Mario's more jumping than punching, and why on earth does a police officer need to swim at any point in the game? Seems like there are an enormous amount of 2D sidescrolling games you can relate your concept to more fittingly, such as ESWAT: City Under Siege or maybe even Streets of Rage, since your police officer, inexplicably, doesn't carry a firearm.
The gameplay elements definitely warrant further explanation. How do "rooms" work in a 2D game? Why would you have a 2D sidescroller where the intent isn't to reach the end of the level? You say you're supposed to catch as many crooks as possible or at least catch the one with the key that allows you to progress...so why bother catching as many crooks as possible? (Heck, I'm a police officer, why do I need a key to go anywhere?) And why is it "Game Over" when the "crooks disappear?" The mayor's still kidnapped! Why would the crooks disappear?
The idea of blowing a whistle to call for backup makes no sense (whistles are for crime deterrent by individuals, not communication between law enforcement officers). Further, why aren't those guys helping out in the first place? Or can I just keep pressing the "whistle button" and have a bunch of help constantly at my side?
I'm not quite sure where to go with respect to the "morphing vitamin" mechanic...
To me, neither story nor gameplay make sense, not even as an offbeat and over the top parody of 2D games. But nothing is stopping you from going with all of these ideas that I think are nonsensical except for the lack of clarity and specificity. The gameplay elements leave way too many unanswered questions for this to be something you pitch to a potential team or company. Even if you want to use every single one of these ideas in their present form, your proposal needs to be developed much more and presented much more professionally.
Ok I'm going to answer your questions since you replied and asked.
I believed Casteriz was a fine name for the game.But yes I think I should change that name and call it "Hastle town".
Second its very much related to mario games because they have the same commands and the time limit like I said.
As for the gameplay, It is important to catch many crooks in order to unlock new levels but not necessary to get to the final level.And the reason is that If there was a goal line at the end of the level, then It won't be unique.And You need to get the key in order to get to the next level.As for the rooms, the crooks can access doors that lead them to different areas, that was what I meant.
The gameover sign is there because the player failed to get the crook with the key which is needed to get to the next level within the time limit.
As for the whistle, it can only be used once and if needed again the player must get it from the Police department but only one.
It is used to surround a particular difficult crook.But this method won't be effective if the crook is inside a block building or to platforms that are not reachable.They won't help out in the first place because they won't know if Brione needs help.
The mechanics are very helpful to catch much harder crooks.For example, if a crook is inside a block building and Brione can't enter.Then he can change his hand to a hammer and wreck the block building.
I hope I've answered all the questions.I guess I should add these as well.
April 01, 2011 05:58 AM
Ok.I've updated the concept a bit.How is it know?
Brione
Story:Once upoun a time in a peaceful place called Hastle town,everyone votes for the new mayor Salle White brush. But one day Bady a gangster along with Socky kidnaps Salle. Who will save her now? It’s all up to the police man Brione to stop Bady once and for all.
Gameplay: The game is a 2d Action.The player’s goal is to rescue Salle and defeat Bady. Brione can run, jump punch and swim similar to mario games. But instead of a goal line at the end of the level, the player has to capture crooks as muchas possible or at least
Catch the crook with a key inorder toget access to the next level.Each crook is hidden somewhere and ifthe player finds a crook, the crook will run in places like doorswhich leads to different places, building blocks, steeled platformsand high platforms.Crooks can easily be caught either by punching them or using a whistle where McDean and others will assist catching only one difficult crook but cannot catch the crook if in Building blocks, high platforms. I[color="#1c2837"][font="arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif"]t can only be used once and if needed again the player must get it from the Police department but only one.
It is used to surround a particular difficult crook.But this method won't be effective if the crook is inside a block building or to platforms that are not reachable[/font]. When all crooks disappear the player is forced to start the level again with the remaining crooks to be caught.If the player collects the “Morphing vitamin” Brione’s hands can change into mechanical tools like a hammer to break bricked building blocks, a shovel to dig to pits, a jack hammer to push crooks off a high platform and a screwdriver to remove the nuts of steeled building blocks to catch harder crooks. If the player collects money from crooks, Brione can unlock secret levels. At the end of each stage the player must fight Bady who acts as a boss.Once done the player can access to the next stage.
Brione
Story:Once upoun a time in a peaceful place called Hastle town,everyone votes for the new mayor Salle White brush. But one day Bady a gangster along with Socky kidnaps Salle. Who will save her now? It’s all up to the police man Brione to stop Bady once and for all.
Gameplay: The game is a 2d Action.The player’s goal is to rescue Salle and defeat Bady. Brione can run, jump punch and swim similar to mario games. But instead of a goal line at the end of the level, the player has to capture crooks as muchas possible or at least
Catch the crook with a key inorder toget access to the next level.Each crook is hidden somewhere and ifthe player finds a crook, the crook will run in places like doorswhich leads to different places, building blocks, steeled platformsand high platforms.Crooks can easily be caught either by punching them or using a whistle where McDean and others will assist catching only one difficult crook but cannot catch the crook if in Building blocks, high platforms. I[color="#1c2837"][font="arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif"]t can only be used once and if needed again the player must get it from the Police department but only one.
It is used to surround a particular difficult crook.But this method won't be effective if the crook is inside a block building or to platforms that are not reachable[/font]. When all crooks disappear the player is forced to start the level again with the remaining crooks to be caught.If the player collects the “Morphing vitamin” Brione’s hands can change into mechanical tools like a hammer to break bricked building blocks, a shovel to dig to pits, a jack hammer to push crooks off a high platform and a screwdriver to remove the nuts of steeled building blocks to catch harder crooks. If the player collects money from crooks, Brione can unlock secret levels. At the end of each stage the player must fight Bady who acts as a boss.Once done the player can access to the next stage.
173
April 01, 2011 01:37 PM
Well there’s still a lot of work that needs to go into fleshing out the story from what i can see. The following are a few questions I would ask if you told me the blurb of the story right now:
-What is Hastle town exactly?
-Is it a small town out in the countryside or some huge metropolis?
-What do you mean peaceful? I personally can’t think of a large town that could be described as peaceful, especially if you have been out on a Saturday night. In fact it makes me think of a setting that you would more likely find in a kids TV show and not one found in a cop game.
-Is it a modern town? Or does have some kind of theme to it? E.g. Steampunk/futuristic/Art deco/etc.
-Who is Salle Whitebrush?
-Why did everyone vote for her?
-Why is she so important?
-What the motivation for the Gangsters?
-Is it just to create chaos or do they know Salle? Maybe she has done something while being mayor to irritate them?
-What are they planning to do with her? E.g. Ransom her/kill her/Sacrifice her to the Blood God
-What’s the backstory to the gangsters?
-Are they small time hustlers or crime lords?
-Who is Brione?
-Is he some renegade cop/the chief of police/some mysterious detective?
-Why is it up to him and no one else?
-Does he have some link to Salle?(maybe romantic)
-Are Bady/Socky his rivals/is there some deeper connection between them?
That’s what I can think of off the top of my head, I’m sure there’s more I could ask. These are all just example questions so I’m not expecting you to answer them and feel free to disagree with them. It just feels that you need to put more thought into the story of the game (if it’s important to you that is).
If you updated the gameplay I would advise posting it into the thread you made on the Game Design sub forum and just keep this thread updated with the story (it may help you organise yourself better/not get overwhelmed with advice and stop people repeating the same advice).
Also it seems that some of you words are getting clumped together. It happens to me when I paste in from a word document, it doesn’t seem much but it gives the impression you don’t care about your posts and makes it harder to read. The way I sort it is to just edit the post after it’s been posted and put in the spaces where needed (If your browser has a spell checker it will point the words out to you).
-What is Hastle town exactly?
-Is it a small town out in the countryside or some huge metropolis?
-What do you mean peaceful? I personally can’t think of a large town that could be described as peaceful, especially if you have been out on a Saturday night. In fact it makes me think of a setting that you would more likely find in a kids TV show and not one found in a cop game.
-Is it a modern town? Or does have some kind of theme to it? E.g. Steampunk/futuristic/Art deco/etc.
-Who is Salle Whitebrush?
-Why did everyone vote for her?
-Why is she so important?
-What the motivation for the Gangsters?
-Is it just to create chaos or do they know Salle? Maybe she has done something while being mayor to irritate them?
-What are they planning to do with her? E.g. Ransom her/kill her/Sacrifice her to the Blood God
-What’s the backstory to the gangsters?
-Are they small time hustlers or crime lords?
-Who is Brione?
-Is he some renegade cop/the chief of police/some mysterious detective?
-Why is it up to him and no one else?
-Does he have some link to Salle?(maybe romantic)
-Are Bady/Socky his rivals/is there some deeper connection between them?
That’s what I can think of off the top of my head, I’m sure there’s more I could ask. These are all just example questions so I’m not expecting you to answer them and feel free to disagree with them. It just feels that you need to put more thought into the story of the game (if it’s important to you that is).
If you updated the gameplay I would advise posting it into the thread you made on the Game Design sub forum and just keep this thread updated with the story (it may help you organise yourself better/not get overwhelmed with advice and stop people repeating the same advice).
Also it seems that some of you words are getting clumped together. It happens to me when I paste in from a word document, it doesn’t seem much but it gives the impression you don’t care about your posts and makes it harder to read. The way I sort it is to just edit the post after it’s been posted and put in the spaces where needed (If your browser has a spell checker it will point the words out to you).
100
April 03, 2011 02:33 AM
No offense, but most gamers today have a refined palette for well developed stories in games... But this was not always the case.. Up until a few years ago, the most popular games made little attempt to develop a well thought out plot or backstory. No one ever questioned why the princess kept getting kidnapped, or why collecting a flower turned your overalls white and allowed you to bounce fireballs at walking mushrooms and duck-turtles...In other words, story elements didn't need a reason to "be". "Being", in and of itself is it's own justification. I don't know if this is what your aiming for, but it seems to me that you are going for an outlandish, whimsical feel. I think you will find that many people on this board will think "whimsy" is shorthand for "poor writing..." Whether or not that is the case will be determined by your ability to connect with the gamer in an emotive way, in lieu of establishing story elements.
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