I always hear people talk about how meaningless it is to care what strangers think. If it's on the internet, I agree completely (although I have bouts of sensitivity). IRL, I doubt it. There have been times where I contributed to drama in a classroom environment or so where I felt remorse and a need to make amends with EVERYONE involved. (Despite the fact I still wish some of them would drown in a swamp with their pants down)

Earlier today, I asked my prof to rephrase a part of his lecture and he refused. ...I now know he hates being pressed. His defensive remark (including an inquiry if I wanted to go out and fight him) caught me completely off guard. I start to argue, which results in several people (plus the prof) telling me to shut the hell up. I do, and we finish class. I want to apologize to everyone come Monday. I can't stand the thought of being a dick. What I can't figure out is how much that drains from me, and how to just STOP caring if I need to do so.

Another prof I spoke to about the situation told me that what people thought was none of my concern (true) and that it's normal for me to care. That left me conflicted.

So I figured "I know. I'll ask GameDev.net. They'll know what to do!" [lol]

Do you feel a need to restore some status quo when you break your character?

I'm not sure what you think you have to apologize for, but then again I wasn't there so who knows what was said and done. When people tell you not to care what strangers think, it's to prevent you from seeking too much approval from others, not to act as an excuse for being a jerk. So if you weren't trying to be rude and confrontational, then there's probably nothing to apologize for, however if you were arguing with your professor in front of the class you were probably getting close to the line. Perhaps you're owed an apology if everyone told you to shut up, but again I can't even begin to speculate on what you should do...

Caring about what others think about you means you're open to the idea of adapting your behavior to get along with them better. That seems like a plus to me.

I'm normally pretty passive/stoic, but occasionally if someone provokes me enough, I'll get into a minor scuffle with them (verbally or physically), because I also want THEM to think about adapting their behavior to ME. I typically apologise afterwards if it's someone I normally get along with.

In my opinion, as long as these two sides of the scales balance out, it's fine.

IMHO, take it as a learning experience, but don't apologize. What's done is done, and bringing it up again (especially after an entire weekend) will just remind people of something they'd rather forget about. Not only that, but apologizing isn't the manly and confident/cocky thing to do. Never admit to being wrong! xD (just become a better person)

Don't apologize I've been a dick before and every time I tried to apologize it made things worse.

Quote: but again I can't even begin to speculate on what you should do...

That's alright. I didn't go into nitpicky details because it seemed fine to just say "I said some things, they said some things" given the scope of this topic. It was just something to mention so I could bring up my desire for a warm n' fuzzy catharsis, which I thought may be too childish of me.

Quote: Don't apologize I've been a dick before and every time I tried to apologize it made things worse.

Do tell. I'm interested in hearing about your experiences. (Same to you, coder)

Quote: Original post by coder0xff
IMHO, take it as a learning experience, but don't apologize. What's done is done, and bringing it up again (especially after an entire weekend) will just remind people of something they'd rather forget about. Not only that, but apologizing isn't the manly and confident/cocky thing to do. Never admit to being wrong! xD (just become a better person)

It's not about cockiness or being a man. Don't do things for which you feel the need to apologize. Or if you do then you have a reason, and probably you really don't care about the person to whom you do bad.
Apologizing is an excuse not to think. "I do something without thinking, so what? I can apologize."

Quote: Original post by zyrolasting
Earlier today, I asked my prof to rephrase a part of his lecture and he refused. ...I now know he hates being pressed. His defensive remark (including an inquiry if I wanted to go out and fight him) caught me completely off guard.

Wait. Slow down. "Could you please rephrase that. I'm having a hard time trying to understand." has never resulted in "No. Do you want to fight about it?". What did you actually say. o_O

About me though, I generally think very hard about my actions before I do them since I don't like to regret doing things. (I hurt one of my best friend's feelings when I was a little kid because I acted too quickly. Wasn't a big deal in retrospect, but it changed I deal with situations). Always extrapolate the what-ifs as quickly as possible.

I actually recommend alpha-beta pruning with the minimax algorithm for this. Seems to work well for a two-player confrontation.

Of course. Otherwise I wouldn't feel the urge to jump over a bunch of guys to beat the shit out of them when they disrepect me in front of a woman.

And that's pure, God intended, human behavior.

Quote: Wait. Slow down. "Could you please rephrase that. I'm having a hard time trying to understand." has never resulted in "No. Do you want to fight about it?". What did you actually say. o_O

I pressed my request. ("No seriously. I don't get it. Change what you are saying so I can follow!") The prof was a very burly, gruff, military-esque mountain man. It did not take much to push him to aggressive behavior. I actually agree with you... I was 100% unprepared for that response. I became more of a dick when I went on the defense.

I will now save my questions for after class.