Like the topic title says, I'm afraid of working in the video game industry. My major is 3D animation and I will most likely get my certificate by fall 2011. Who knows if or when I'll get a job in a video game devleopment studio.

But I'm afraid of working there for 1 big reason: the majority of people working there are male like myself. I find it difficult to talk to women and to a certain extent, people in general. I'm the type of guy who will talk only if he is spoken to then I will start talking to you. I'm a real nice and cool guy I think. But I'm simply not social.

I'm trying to become more social because I only have 2 friends and I don't go out much. I need friends to be happy. That's not it, I need female friends too because the majority of my friends have always been male. I believe time is running out for me. I have to take advantage of still being in college where I can meet plenty of friends. But it's not easy for me. I know very little about making friends and being social. I consider myself boring because I don't really do much at all.

I also kept a very low profile in high school. I was only "open" to close friends. (which is the opposite of who I was in middle school; I had more friends and talked a lot). And I don't have a job because I really don't need it I suppose. I don't like being this lonely and I'm afraid I'll never find love especially in a career that is full of men.

What can I do about this? If I don't do something about my social life then I'll never have one. I don't do much for fun either. I just play video games, go to college, and go home and sit on my laptop. I find plenty of things boring and most of the time I simply don't feel like going out when I get the chance.

I simply do not have an idea how I get meet girls outside of a video game development studio. How can I when I can't do it now that I'm in college? I'm not bad looking at all btw.

Yeah I'm extremely paranoid. Any suggestions would be appreciated. This situation is really stressing me out. Should I speak to a psychiatrist about this? I don't know what I can do. I literally feel like I don't have a life. I see everyone around me with plenty of male and female friends, doing things that are fun and I can't relate to that at all and I don't know how to get any of that.

Thanks. I'm though this would be appropriate posting here. Just for the record I am not trolling or anything like that. I wanted to get this off my chest.

In my opinion, dating someone you work with is a bad idea anyway. If this is your biggest concern, don't sweat it. Think about it, if you're working all day on the computer then you'll likely want to do something away from the computer in your 'spare time'.

I actually think it would help your situation. ... . I can also somewhat relate.

necreia's right: dating someone from work is a bad idea (unless you're planning on leaving the job soon).

Go for a career that involves doing things you enjoy in a profitable way. Focus on what you want out of the career when making career decisions; women are separate. You can focus on what you want from women when making love-life decisions.
Career. Love-Life. Separate.
(programmers might appreciate the orthogonality here).

As to becoming more social and getting the women, a few tips:

1) Be Positive! Work on this -- especially with your thoughts. Sometimes people get in the habit of picking out the negative (from amongst the myriad things available!) to focus on. Cultivate the opposite habit. Most problems are pretty insignificant, it's the dwelling and whining on them that gets us down. A serious problem is a serious problem, but drop the petty sh*t.

2) Find social activities that YOU LIKE. Don't feel the need to do things you find 'boring' just because they're culturally popular. If you just want to spend time with some women, then do that. Ask a girl to go on a walk or go bowling or whatever sounds fun to you. No really, just go ask them. The key to being social is really just to have fun. I've noticed that females tend to go for fun guys.

3) Really, don't worry about it. You're fine! The real problems start once you get the women. [wink]

Quote: Original post by Gamer Gamester
3) Really, don't worry about it. You're fine! The real problems start once you get the women. [wink]

QFT. Don't make the stupid mistake of thinking that being around women or finding a girlfriend will somehow make your life perfect. You're going to come off as desperate and creepy, highly unattractive traits, and if you manage to land a significant other despite that (seriously, you won't) you will be hugely disappointed. I would say that having a relationship is actually a burden; a financial drain and a waste of time, that can only be offset by the positive qualities of your partner. The state of being in a relationship is, in itself, not something to strive for.

I used to think like you, which led to exactly zero relationships and almost as many female friends. Then I said fuck it, I don't care anymore, and all of a sudden that attention I couldn't get before just started pouring in. Because I was myself instead of trying too hard to be someone I thought girls would like.

Finally, don't worry about where you'll be meeting women. As Gamer Gamester says, do something you like and you're sure to meet women. Some of them may even become interested in you; after all, you have something in common. If you instead go someplace boring to meet women, chances are you'll end up with a partner who finds the things you hate enjoyable; then your relationship will be a financial drain, a waste of time, AND a total bore - what is the upside to that?

Quote: Original post by solid gear solid
I'm the type of guy who will talk only if he is spoken to then I will start talking to you. I'm a real nice and cool guy I think. But I'm simply not social.

[...]

I know very little about making friends and being social. I consider myself boring because I don't really do much at all.

[...]

I don't do much for fun either. I just play video games, go to college, and go home and sit on my laptop. I find plenty of things boring and most of the time I simply don't feel like going out when I get the chance.

Sounds like you're doing fine. [smile] Do you realize that describes a whole lot of people out there? But I understand, there's something you're not really comfortable with, and there's an itch you want to scratch.

Quote: I need female friends too because the majority of my friends have always been male. I believe time is running out for me. I have to take advantage of still being in college where I can meet plenty of friends.

You say this, and then you mention high school and some certificate program, and from that I have a hard time believing you're running out of time. [smile] Don't worry about it.

Quote: I also kept a very low profile in high school. I was only "open" to close friends. (which is the opposite of who I was in middle school; I had more friends and talked a lot).

High school is no measure of a person's capacity for being a nice, friendly person. Graduation is like a baptism; you can let it go. [smile]

Quote: And I don't have a job because I really don't need it I suppose. I don't like being this lonely and I'm afraid I'll never find love especially in a career that is full of men.

The others have already pointed this out, but why would you look for romance at work? I'm not saying it can't happen, or that it's 100% a bad idea, but in most cases, that's not what you want dude.

Quote: I simply do not have an idea how I get meet girls outside of a video game development studio.

Now that's a really weird statement to make. :p

Quote: Yeah I'm extremely paranoid. Any suggestions would be appreciated. This situation is really stressing me out. Should I speak to a psychiatrist about this?

Do you feel you need some sort of therapy? The best I can say is that I don't have enough information.

Quote: I don't know what I can do. I literally feel like I don't have a life. I see everyone around me with plenty of male and female friends, doing things that are fun and I can't relate to that at all and I don't know how to get any of that.

Okay. Invite some friends over. Buy some beer. And watch the 40 Year Old Virgin. [smile]

While personally, I don't put the same kind of value on sex like that movie does, it's fun to watch someone otherwise inept who learns how to talk the talk, and how simple it is. [smile]

Quote: I wanted to get this off my chest.

It's a legitimate concern, and I think it's clear that something's bothering you, perhaps something deeper than any of us could possibly determine without knowing you personally. But at best, you simply need some reassurance as a first step:

You're fine. Are you rude? Do you attack anyone? Snap at anyone? Condescending? Conceited? If not, then take reassurance in your good qualities. Trust me, I'd rather have a good, solid friend who's a good person than some hipster jackass in any setting, ever.

One more thing:

They tell you to not underestimate people. Going the other way is a big problem, too: Overestimating people.

Don't think of others as having some hopelessly superior social qualities than yours. You'll learn out in the world very quickly that a whole lot of people are full of crap. Oh-my-god. We're talking people who can start a conversation, and that's maybe it. We're talking people who espouse the most unethical views, the height of douchebaggery. We're talking about people with no integrity. (Integrity = Words / Actions) We're talking about people whose concept of business is in employment (not necessarily bad, but perhaps), and whose concept of employment is just in collecting a paycheck (BAD!). And that's the narrow extent of it.

*sigh*

So yeah, don't feel bad, okay? :P

Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it.

I say I'm running out of time because I'll probably be done with school by the end of next year. Or that's what I'm thinking.

I haven't had that many friends ever since going to high school because I think I stopped caring about having friends and a lot of them changed a lot. So I just did my own thing and only interacted with my few friends at school. Outside of school I didn't really keep in touch with them as much. But for sure I kind of stopped caring about plenty of things without realizing the consequences. I also think I forgot how to be social and how to be a friend.

The main reason I made this topic is because I have no idea how I'm going to meet women when I'll have a career with demanding hours. I'm pretty sure I'll make some good friends in game studios considering we'll have a lot in common. But how will I ever meet girls? How can I when I'm doing a terrible job at it now?

I am probably making a big deal out of this but that's how I feel about my situation. I really gained my confidence a few years ago and hung out with my classmates on campus. The cool thing was that they were all girls. The year later I talked to about 2 girls but eventually one ignored me. That's been about it.

I believe I'm afraid of asking girls for their cellular phone numbers, asking them to hang out and making mistakes. I get paranoid about this. I feel like they'll stop talking to me and automatically think I'm only trying to go out with them. But that's not entirely true. If I get reject I will still be there friend. So I don't get in touch with any girls. However I did try some things with one of them but she dodged any hangout suggestion. But we always had fun talking to each other.

Those girls spoke to me first by the way just like any person I usually meet at school. Surprisingly they probably see me as a good friend because we exchange contact info and we hang out on campus (with a few people, outside of school). I get excited when this happens because I don't think I'm much of a talker. I don't really have anything interesting to say.

I really need to develop my social skills and keep in touch with friends. That's something I don't do. I find it awkward texting or calling friends outside of school and thus, I don't do it much.

So yeah, I'm afraid if I start my career with having no social life I'll be doomed for eternity. Especially when it comes to women and dating. The funny thing is I feel this way about other careers as well but not all of them. Animation is the only thing I would consider doing for a living so anything else is out of the question. I just don't know how people meet girls you know. I know that sounds weird and all. I can't being to understand because I can only see life the way I lived it. I even try to put myself in other people's shoes but I don't understand a thing.

I'm really sorry about this rant. But this is really bothering me and I don't have a clue on how to fix this. A social life is definitely what I need and desire. I feel new to it as weird as it sounds. I just became so focused in being solitary that I stopped caring you know.

Yup, as others said, look into "neediness". Neediness = FAIL.
If you CAN be happy without a romantic relationship, just then, you will be ready for one.
Apart from that, I'm in a very similar situation. But I'm an engineer. (so not much women in the industry, I'm a geek, shy, boring person)

I started to go out, and hell, it works! I have already something with a girl.

Some tricks that helped me (actually, they are not tricks):

Don't ever be a phony. Be honest (that doesn't mean you have to tell your whole life to everyone). If you have nothing to say, don't say anything. And try not to stress about it. Trust me, it will work in no time. That won't make you a popular party person, but I guess that's not your goal. You just need some friends. And you can have those friends, if you are REAL not a phony.

be "strong-willed". That means don't ever make anyone "beg" for you. I mean forget the "um... I don't know", "I'm not so sure", "Well... um... Why not?". If you want to do something, then say "Yes"/"Sure"/"Okay", if you don't want to do it, say "No". It's a very easy thing, and it works well.

And get to the point (not the sex point of course), don't be so humble. It's easy.

The first time I went out for ages, and completely for my own (I'm new in a new country, so I know 0 (zero) people here). I went out for a beer. Didn't force anything, I was lucky, there were only one sitting place, next to two girls. "Excuse me, can I sit down?" (yup, whit this shit English). "Sure." (Not some, "um... may I sit down, but er... I don't want to um... disturb, so... um... I can sit somewhere else. [rolleyes]")
If I had disturbed them, they would have told me so. I wanted to sit down, I needed to know if the seat was free or not, I was to the point.

After a while the girl asked, if I play yatzee with her. "Sure". We talked for 4 hours after that, well, sometimes we were silent for 15 minutes. It's not a problem. I wasn't a phony, I had nothing to say. If the girl had been bored, she would have left me. Instead, I got here phone number. I met her friend the next week, they called me to parties, that's it. They know I'm silent, but that's okay.


And think about it: do you really want a romantic relationship, or are you just hoping, that it will make everything okay, you'll be happy etc?
A relationship alone won't make you happy.

Of course, people need sex. It's modern times, you can have sex-buddy(ies), you can have sex without marrying the person. You can have a sex partner without she being your girlfriend.

For running out of time.

Probably you will have to relocate after college. So you'll have to make friends again.

You and your friends should join a club - climbing, running or cycling are a few. This will introduce you to people who are like minded and in time you will become good friends. A friend of mine was very similar to you, he joined a climbing club and goes lots of wonderful places and meets lots of people - there are also lots of hot women who climb too ;-)

The key is to do something you like, the friends you will make in the meanwhile will be a bonus :-)