I discovered Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway some weeks ago. That is a happy music. If I was down, it made even worse: I felt what happiness could be, but I felt I cannot reach it. Then again I stopped thinking about it, I know that it's not true, there's a chance, even if I can't see that now. And that soothed me down.

But if I'm in a general neutral mood, then I can enjoy that music. So much simple and happy songs on it.

And I always been a bad sleeper. Now I can sleep very well. I don't distress myself any more.

Now there's one real problem: to get a job. I don't want to leave Finland.

I know you said you talked with doctors. Have you made sure that they know about each other? If they don't you run the risk of seriously over-medicating or treating yourself by having doctors give you misdiagnose you to solve side affects of your medication.

I understand that you are probably reaching desperation, but I really think your counselor is more qualified than most here. Maybe you should bump up your visits with her. If you're not being honest or not sharing everything with her, you're really killing her treatment. Tell her about things you might not think are related, and make sure she is aware of your concerns over the treatment not working so far. Once she knows everything I'm sure she'll be able to help a lot more to treat the problem than we will.

For procrastination, have you tried making lists of things you need/want to do? I have a problem with procrastination if I don't bring all the activities I need/want to do up front, so I make lists of all the things I need to do for a week and put them places where I can't ignore them (inside my laptop's cover, on the coffee table in front of where I sit every day, on my desk, etc). Sometimes just having something there reminding you to work on something is enough to actually get you to work on something.

As for procrastination, it was more related to Post stress traumatic disorder. It's not that I didn't have a to do list - i even have a whiteboard, and to do list by Imagespoon I think?

It just like other pstd, it was like hardwired into your brain. You know, like people in the depression (the economic time, not mental state) always save and keep things, and the like.

The problem stem from my past experience. This is why the procrastination didn't effect my work - I work hard at office, but when i went home, my study and side project seriously effected. Studying for a industry that was promised to be big (but didn't materialize when i grad) and stayed like that for a while is one thing, but many other thing happened too.

To make things simple, it's like trying to open anti virus when the latest virus already affect the system. I keep clicking the icon, the av appears, and the virus would kill it. and you keep doing it. to outsider, it look like i'm staring at the screen, but inside my head, i was like:

me "i want to do this"
my brain "nah, it's a waste of time"
me "it will improve our life"
my brain "nah, i don't change anything, just like before"

The sad part is that my brain IS right. But I must not quit. I mean, like World Cup. Those non favorites will fight, even if they know in the end the big four would win anyway. Because one day, you MIGHT win. They have to try their best, even when life IS UNFAIR - just like World Cup.

"The sad part is that my brain IS right"

There is no IS about yourself. I think that you cannot know yourself. You can never trust the image about it.

Obsessive–compulsive disorder?

The intrusive thoughts part? Maybe this is what you address as the "other" person? Not really like an other person like in schizophrenia, but thoughts.

I have that+some paranoia (maybe it's derived from the intrusive thoughts).
I can handle these by pondering: which is worse? the possible (but illogical) event the intrusive thoughts show, or the acts done against them? (for example knocking on wood, which I did for 4-5 years, 1 hours a day at the end). I came to the conclusion that the latter is worse most of the times: knocking takes up too much time, causes panic, if there's no wooden table near me, and the event has probably/logically nothing to do with knocking it or not. So I could just quit doing it. (it's just one example)

Same with the paranoia: which is worse? the possible scam I can suffer, or the staying in the bad situation by not trusting and acting at all? BTW this is a perfectly normal pondering. So in some situations I trust, is other situations I don't.
And I stopped thinking about other people's intentions. I don't have enough informations to think about it.

Shit, I think I will be able to accept and live together with one of my oldest intrusive thoughts: That my life is a Truman Show (started before the release of the film, I know, almost every children have this at one point, it never stopped for me).
But, after all, why is it a problem, if it's a Truman Show? I should enjoy the show.

I imagine this won't be too helpful to you but you never know. I can actually relax and choose to release dopamine pretty much at will. I have to be in a relaxed environment but once I set down and focus on it I can be flushed with it in a few seconds.

Maybe there's some type of known method to train yourself to do this.