Quote: Original post by Silvermyst
I bet that first-time marriages have a far lower chance of failure.

Yes, that is true. But divorce is also VERY highly influenced by the age of the two people getting married. 18 year olds getting married have a much higher divorce rate than 28 year olds.

From anecdotal observations, I've come to realize that in conservative churches which encourage abstinence and virginity until marriage, many new adults get married when they become 18-19. Since marriage is "till death do we part" in some religions, getting married just to get some nookie and then being stuck with children and a spouse can really cause someone to be miserable in life. If you subtract the marriage trap created by religion, I'd say that divorce rates would be even higher. For those reasons, I highly discourage young people from getting married...yet, none of them care to listen.

There are two victims to our society's high divorce rates:
1) The children of the divorcing parents
2) The society that has to deal with higher percentages of messed up people who grew up in single parent homes (mostly caused by the absence of a father).

Quote: Original post by slayemin
For those reasons, I highly discourage young people from getting married...yet, none of them care to listen.

Yeah. Honestly. Why do we do that?

Maybe because from starters we don't care about financial stability. We blindly believe in the morals that we be have taught about and we believe we're gonna be happy by following them. But for some reason, the person that can make us reconsider is always missing, or fail to make us understand that we are going the wrong way. They rent a tuxeedo and go to our wedding and that's all.

You know, I think that getting married too young isn't the root of the problem.

IMO the problem is that society itself doesn't know how to prepare youngsters for marriage. They are not looking at them good enough to see if they are prepared for going into that. They just don't care. Maybe they shouldn't.

But then, there is noone to blame. Who's the responsible for the suffering of the divorcing couple's childrens? Isn't society responsably for having to deal with messed up people who grew up in single parent homes?

You see, we're fucked up.

Quote: Original post by slayemin
There are two victims to our society's high divorce rates:
1) The children of the divorcing parents
2) The society that has to deal with higher percentages of messed up people who grew up in single parent homes (mostly caused by the absence of a father).

I was thinking about this the other day, I know it may sound sexist but I think it still should be said - the rise in divorce is down to greater freedom amongst women.

Back in, say the 40s-50s, a woman was expected to stay at home and look after the kids, cook and clean, and pretty much did what her husband said. Now that women have gained a lot more freedom and are treated as equals, they now have careers of their own, and hobbies outside of family life. This causes greater room for conflict. Additionally they are no longer at the command of their husband, and can freely leave if they feel it isnt working.

If you were to plot the rising divorce rate alongside womens freedom (not sure how you would measure that) im fairly sure you would see some sort of correlation.

In order for a relationship to work between two people, you need to have attraction, and you also need to have compatible personalities and interests. Previously a womens interests did not matter much, so this factor was irrelevent. Nowadays it certainly does matter, and that is why relationships are far harder to maintain and keep work - the chances of finding a perfect match are reduced.

Quote: Original post by gavco98
In order for a relationship to work between two people, you need to have attraction, and you also need to have compatible personalities and interests. Previously a womens interests did not matter much, so this factor was irrelevent. Nowadays it certainly does matter, and that is why relationships are far harder to maintain and keep work - the chances of finding a perfect match are reduced.

It is true that increasing women's freedom leads to more failed marriages and a general increase in sexual promiscuity in society, but it is economically and socially untenable to deny women their equal status. A more constructive way of examining the problem of high divorce rates is to ask why we seek relationships with the opposite sex in the first place.

From your post, it seems that you assume marriages are about finding someone "compatible", where this is taken to mean someone attractive, who continually stimulates your interest and satisfies your personal desires.

"The perfect is the enemy of the good" -- Voltaire


Common Causes and Reasons for Divorce

Quote:
Here are some frequently cited reasons for causing divorce:

* Lack of commitment to the marriage
* Lack of communication between spouses
* Infidelity
* Abandonment
* Alcohol Addiction
* Substance Abuse
* Physical Abuse
* Sexual Abuse
* Emotional Abuse
* Inability to manage or resolve conflict
* Personality Differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’
* Differences in personal and career goals
* Financial problems
* Different expectations about household tasks
* Different expectations about having or rearing children
* Interference from parents or in-laws
* Lack of maturity
* Intellectual Incompatibility
* Sexual Incompatibility
* Insistence of sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal growth
* Falling out of love
* Religious conversion or religious beliefs
* Cultural and lifestyle differences
* Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
* Mental Instability or Mental Illness
* Criminal behavior and incarceration for crime

The Most Frequent Cause of Divorce

1.) Financial
2.) Infidelity
3.) Sexual Dysfunction/Lack of Sexual Relationships
4.) Major life changes

Quote: Original post by trzy
It is true that increasing women's freedom leads to more failed marriages and a general increase in sexual promiscuity in society, but it is economically and socially untenable to deny women their equal status. A more constructive way of examining the problem of high divorce rates is to ask why we seek relationships with the opposite sex in the first place.

Why would a woman want to buy a whole pig if all she wants is a little bit of sausage?

Quote: Original post by LessBread
The Most Frequent Cause of Divorce

1.) Financial

"Till debt do you part", right? It's certainly been one of the root causes of most divorces I've seen. A disagreement over money can ruin any relationship. That's why one of my primary rules of money is to never expect a friend to repay a debt--you'll lose your money, your friend, or (more likely) both. In a marriage, though, it's much more complicated. You likely have shared bank accounts and other assets, and both spouses feel entitled to use those assets to some degree or another. Without very open and frequent communication about money, it's a recipe for catastrophe and divorce.

Quote: Original post by BeanDog

Quote: Original post by LessBread
The Most Frequent Cause of Divorce

1.) Financial

"Till debt do you part", right? It's certainly been one of the root causes of most divorces I've seen. A disagreement over money can ruin any relationship. That's why one of my primary rules of money is to never expect a friend to repay a debt--you'll lose your money, your friend, or (more likely) both. In a marriage, though, it's much more complicated. You likely have shared bank accounts and other assets, and both spouses feel entitled to use those assets to some degree or another. Without very open and frequent communication about money, it's a recipe for catastrophe and divorce.

Amen to that. With many friends and relationships the money tends to equal itself out. A lunch here, dinner there, drinks sometime else it always tends to even out. Also, its been a common policy for my wife and I to regularly discuss finances, especially when they get difficult.

Quote: Original post by Silvermyst
I bet that first-time marriages have a far lower chance of failure.

I wouldnt be surprised if this was NOT true

A/ yes if youve done it once youre more likely to do it again
B/ the average age is gonna be higher thus more closer to a death occuring before A happens

http://www.stats.govt.nz/NR/rdonlyres/2F23DE61-7502-4B7A-9F31-26D56D5BC6FA/0/MarDivNZFig1.gif (could see any more recent data but only quickly looked)
nz marriage 1999 16.2 per 1,000
nz divorce 1999 12.6 per 1,000

I would just like to point out at this point that I will be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary this year. I have this to say about marriage: it is not always easy. You have to decide to make it work. There will be times when that is all you have: your decision to make it work.

There are legitimate times a marriage should be dissolved (abuse, for example). Many other times, it's just selfishness on the part of one or both parties. People may their decisions for their own reasons, but I fell nothing but contempt for people who can;t make it just because they;re selfish and lazy.