A long long time ago, something happened to me, causing me to get this strange idea, and so I searched for the word "adoption". All the result caused me to think what I going to do is crazy and unacceptable, normal life wise. But I have a dream again, and this time I got the aha! moment, adding the word "adult" to the search. Actually the research I did is pretty long, so you want to Google "adult adoption" yourself, but some of the point is here: http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/charity/entries/2009/02/06/austin_woman_36_adopted_today.html http://www.fostercaremonth.org/SuccessStories/FosterCareAlumni/Pages/ReginaLouise.aspx http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/Ideas/IDEAS_ADULT_ADOPTION http://adoption.about.com/od/typesofadoption/a/adultadopt.htm Suddenly I realized, I'm not that crazy, I mean, uh, I'm only, uh, 30. Uh, I mean, this is not crazy at all. The point is this, I want to get adopted, I want to have a loving mom and dad. Looking at above articles, I'm not afraid of letting people know this either (my info is at fablefox.com). It just that right now I'm looking for the right parent. Actually, from my dream, I just found one. It just that too far away. Still, I'm working on it. By the way, it is a smart idea to post on Oregon State University bulletin an advert that sound like this? "a 30 year old guy looking for 45+ year old lecturer with mother figure as adopted mother. Will take any of their research as a hobby, and help with it as he can, if that allow both of them to spend time together. The applicant already have Diploma in 3D Animation and currently pursuing a degree in the same field. NOT from US. " Oh, regarding the not from US, I did some research on that too http://forum.freeadvice.com/adoption-34/please-help-international-adult-adoption-334520.html http://www.adoption.org/adopt/international-adult-adoption.php http://courts.co.calhoun.mi.us/quest595.htm It's not that I want to be a US citizen or anything, I could be just a guy holding a working visa, doing animation or whatever in the US. The US economy is bad right now, but all I want in life is a loving mom and dad. I don't know how to explain it, but I'm sure you get it by looking at the Aline Jones video. It just happens.

In all honesty, I think that what you need more than adopted parents is a psychologist. I don't mean to offend, but it sounds to me like there might be some underlying issues. Were you abandoned as a child? You'll probably be more fulfilled in the long run if you look into therapy.

I already have a councellor, and previously a psychiatrist. The thing is, my country is not as open as US. If you notice both article, it involve counsellor

1. in the texas case, the councellor helped her find a mother figure
2. in the regina case, the councellor herself, in later years, adopted her.

I was, at first, consider this as crazy. but after finding out that in US, there even a law for it, and a lot of case happening all the time, I realize, that, in a way, this is normal (normal for people that didn't have a normal childhood & teenage days, that is). Human need this.

I need this.

I understand your concern, but as I read the articles, I realize maybe therapy is not what I need, or rah-rah self help books. What I need is a loving mom and dad. That's it. That's the answer.

On the topic, I'll meet with my councellor tomorrow, and I'm going to bring all the printed articles on this issue. There are going to be a nice debate. Maybe she'll support me.

BTW - When I mention councellor, I mean people that give counsellings. Maybe the right spelling is chancellor. But I felt like it's not the right word. Maybe I should just use word therapist. Anyway, I'm getting help. It just that I felt it's not getting anywhere. Maybe the saying "if you know the trick, the magic is lost" is right after all. Reading too many self help, self help de-bunk, psychology books and etc made me realize that I need more than positive thinking words. I need parental love.

People said that better late than never.

I guess this is one of those thing.

Quote: Original post by FableFox
happening all the time

I haven't studied the subject as you have done, and I don't know what the requirements according to state or federal laws to make such an arrangement are, but there probably not very common cases. The fact that it deserves a news article can be seen as an indication. And it's probably going to be quite a long procedure as well.

But I'm not a lawyer (even though I have attended law school).

from basic research I have done, the requirements is quite simple (based on California laws)

- age difference of 10 or more
- USD 75.00 (Probate Court charge)
- live / work in US (not necessarily US citizen)
- previously has no sex relationship with future parent (this is to forbid previous same sex parenting that actually a cover for same sex marriages - eg. so that "spouse" can receive benefit if the parner dies, etc. This is long, long time ago, or where same sex can't marry each other.

- [edit] if the future mother / father is married, the spouse must give consent, too.

Actually, the process is much simpler than usual adoption - this is due to the fact both party is 18+ and legally biding. In other words, if both party agree, in US anything can happen :-) , including adult adoption.

I think the reason for the two become news worthy is that

1) in Alice Jones case, the counselor help her find a mother (she previously has no mother figure) and a woman in her life decided to become her mother (Held). In other word, she's been looking for a mother in her life, but never ask someone to be one. The counselor was willing to help, and help was willing to be her adopted mother. "All you had to do was ask" - to quote Held from the article.

2) In Regina case, it was long lost counselor - kid, can't adopt due to skin color previously, grow up, skin color no longer an issue, get adopted.

Oh, and talk about 'ask', last thursday I sent the woman of my dream the letter requesting her to be my foster mother. Still waiting for reply. It's going to be a 3 month or more thing, being normal mail and all. The Oregon state thing is if she said 'no'. I want a mother than can understand me and know the state I'm in. A lecturer is good enough I guess. Besides, I love OSU.

Why would you need a mother/father at 30? Your parents job is to protect you as a vulnerable child, until you are old enough to look after yourself. Once you become an adult they have to let you go and you have to make your way in the world. They stop being your parents and become your friends - hopefully deeply loving friends because of the earlier bond. What you need now is to move forward and develop adult relationships of your own with friends and or a partner - someone you can form a life bond with and maybe even have children of your own.

I could use a hot step-mom adopting me for the night right now...

It's quite hard to explain. Here, an article I wrote for HUGI

http://hugi.scene.org/online/hugi32/hugi%2032%20-%20real%20life%20misc%20fable%20fox%20adopted%20parent.htm

(since the resulting url is strage, here is the cut and pasted article)
----- article ----- Hugi 32 --


Adopted parent

By Fable Fox

Intro

The tsunami hit Malaysian beaches. But a small part of it. Penisular Malaysia is surrounded by sea at 80% or so - except where he have the Malaysia/Thailand border. It hit Malaysia, there were deaths - and that's the point of the article, not geography. Not to mention it's not my favorite subject either. People died. In some cases, the whole town died, wiped off. In Malaysia there is a guy who lost all five of his children. Some lost their parents. Suddenly, the word adoption goes around. Either by families, large companies or goverment, as some children get 'adopted'. Either they are well being taken care of, or actually getting adopted to a new family.

Like a novel (was it 1984?) there was a line "Everybody is born equal. But some are more equal than the others." Ugly (sorry for the word), sick and handicapped children are usually left behind. Just like the old song "Nobodies Child", there are times where nobody wants you - nobody.

I just read an article in The Star (Malaysia Newspaper) last Christmas, it's about donations. Orphanages in the cities are lucky, they can get RM 80,000.00 or so as they are consider that value to be low (that amount is BIG in Malaysia). While the orphanages in the rural areas are lucky if they are going to get new school bag for the kids (the article says that donators already give the children new clothes, therefore they feel guilty to ask for more). Wow - but I guess it's the economy and statistic. Most large companies (and rich people) live in the city. This is just the bone, here's the meat.

Parental Love

So some children get adopted. Some are not. They grow up being an orphan. Some pay the credit where it's due, like an orphan guy who work at an orphanage part time to return his gratitude, I've read it in the newspaper. But the thing is, there are lots of people out there that grow up being an orphan. The question is - once they aged something to like 30, they properly have everything they need like job, car, house - they might need love. For some, it's parental love. So the question is, is it OK for them to adopt a parent, as in - consider a woman and man (much older, of course) as their mom and dad?

There's a lot of instance of this happening. Student Exchange Programs pair students and to their 'foster' parent. Sometimes, the link stays forever. Sometime they're doing it with the family they know - like their neighbours. Specially if the other party know that this person has a grown up as an orphan.

I Want My Mom

Some might say, "What's the point? Go get married and have a wife!" Yes. But statistically speaking, lots of marriages end with a divorce. Now your inlaws are no longer your mom and dad. Not to mention, should something happen between you and your partner, they are probably not going to side with you.

Not to mention it's a double whammy. You are losing your partner, and at the same time you need love and support - you also lose your mom and dad (in law).

Third, the relationship is really different. With a partner - you can get a divorce. But with adoption, it's like, forever. So if you pick a mom, she is going to be your mom until death pulls you apart. It's not like you can say "I don't love you anymore, mom...". You just don't do that. This what make the relationship magical. Not to mention there is no lust or sex. Just love, pure love, parental love. I'm not sure if you can understand it, but by reading a lot of books on psychology - I have to agree. Some people just need love. It's like some people need pets and some people do not. Some people want children, some people do not. Some people want to get married, some people want to live a solitarily life (as in being left alone). Some people want to be gay/lesbian have 'fun' in their own way.

Some people just need parental love. If they can't have it when they're a kid, then they're going to get it when they're adult.

So, what's your opinion?

A: A person deserve parental love, even when they're 30+. People have their rights, and they have a right to get themselves an adopted parent. Not to mention they're old enough to think for themselves.

B: No. Grow up dude. Live with it. You're not gonna have it. Like the blind that won't see and the deaf who won't hear. You shall have NO parental love.

Whatever your comment is, DO NOT MAIL IT TO ME. Mail it to HUGI. I want to make the magazine alive with conversation and ideas. Please state your reason / ideas.

------------------- end of article ------------

The strange thing is (although not that strange, considering it is USA), is this:

http://library.adoption.com/articles/california-state-law-on-adult-adoption.html

quote :

9302. (a) A married person who is not lawfully separated from the
person's spouse may not be adopted without the consent of the spouse,
provided that the spouse is capable of giving that consent.

yes, you can already married, and still being adopted. In other words, just because you now has a wife, it doesn't mean you can't have a foster mom.

and bonus :

(b) The consent of the parents of the proposed adoptee, of the
department, or of any other person is not required.

So my current parent can do nothing to stop it. Other than this, please don't mention about my "real" ( as in blood ) parent. It's a long story, it's been 30 years, and I tried and sacrificed everything to make it work. And it didn't work.

By everything - to a point when I work at a new job, I only have 3 clothes to change from, while my parents actually have everything (a lot of it due to my hard work).

- I'll check this thread again after lunch.

Quote "I could use a hot step-mom adopting me for the night right now..."

Marrying older woman is another story, I'll start a topic about that soon.

I mean, Meryl Streep is hot in Mamma Ma Mia. Hot hot hot. When I googled her pics, she is hot hot hot.

But please keep this thread on topic.