Hey all, just want to know if you'd be interested to play this fictionnal game knowing the story (I shortened it so you don't have to read a wall of text). Any tips on improving it would be greatly appreciated! =) Again, english isn't my main language, so please don't be too rude concerning grammar and such. I know it's not really well worded. *** Your colony barely made it out alive of its former planet, ravaged by continuous wars. It is now searching the galaxy for a new planet to live on with the help of a giant spaceship, Last Hope. The colony finally finds a planet which seems similar to their ancient one and give it a try. Upon landing on its surface, you discover ruins of an advanced civilisation. It seems that whoever lived on the planet got away really quickly, since most buildings and technology are still working. The colony sends some scouts to explore the planet, only to discover a terrible truth ; a monster has awakened from its depths. Consequently, the environments are mutating into dangerous zones, as is flora and animals, both transforming into powerful monsters and threatening sights. For decades, many civilisations tried to live on this planet, but failed. Every expedition sent to the depths of the planet failed and couldn't stop the monster. *** So, you got this cool planet where a giant monster reside in the middle and basically destroys the ecosystem every decade or so. Your goal is to find out why every expedition failed(1) and, well, try to destroy the monster in order for your civilisation to survive. (1) The reason why every expedition failed is because there's another civilisation living INSIDE the planet, basically protecting the monster from any intruders. The monster itself isn't all that powerful, but the intelligent creatures protecting it created mazes and death traps to avoid going extinct themselves. Why? Well, basically the big monster, let's call it CHAOS, has tentacles that manage to drain the planet's life and this civilisation feeds on this energy. This is why you will have, as a first step, to destroy every tentacle found on the surface so the drainage will stop at once. From each tentacle also spawns a variety of nightmarish abominations. So what do you think? A good start? My source of inspiration is Phantasy Star Online, and I hope it isn't too similar. You would play as humans with many varying classes (custom classes even) like fighter, medic, gunner, destroyer, etc. I have many more details, but for now I want feedback on the story so far. edit ; the civilisation residing inside can't really go outside, except for a few types of monsters that developed a resistance to sun light.

You don't really have a game here, you have a setting with a couple of ideas about how it might play. As it is I can't tell if I'd want to play it--there's not enough information. Unless it's story-driven (and if it's like Phantasy Star Online, I don't see how it would be), the story is largely window dressing. Gameplay mechanics, not story, are what (usually) drive a game.

If you're just looking for validation that it's a good idea, you don't need that from anyone here. If you like the idea, go with it.

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So what do you think? A good start? My source of inspiration is Phantasy Star Online, and I hope it isn't too similar. You would play as humans with many varying classes (custom classes even) like fighter, medic, gunner, destroyer, etc. I have many more details, but for now I want feedback on the story so far.

If you'd like feedback on the story the Writing For Games forum may give you better results, if you want us to know if we'd play such a game it would be nice to know how its played and whats involved. It does seem like an interesting plot though, reminds me of Alien Legacy in some ways.

Good then :) I'll give more details in a separate topic.

The story is pretty cool, except...

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Original post by Kudgel Well, basically the big monster, let's call it CHAOS, has tentacles that manage to drain the planet's life and this civilisation feeds on this energy.

that's waaaay too generic. I think I'd be more intrigued by a number of different possibilities, such as:

a) The creature is extremely powerful, and the people are afraid of it. So they do its bidding, create the mazes and deathtraps, and regularly feed it human sacrifices from either their own population, or more desirably fools who land on the planet. This gives the civilization more character; its people are frightened, confused, and unnaturally forced to attack the player.

b) The "planet" is really a gigantic organism itself, and the "creature" is its heart. The "tentacles" are veins/arteries. The people speak a language you don't understand, and they attack you when they realize you are attacking the heart of their planet. You therefore spend the game trying to destroy the planet, and only when you succeed do you realize what a mistake you've made.

c) Rather than draining life from the planet, the monster is using its long-reaching tentacles to spew poison and filth across the land. It is essentially trying to toxify the atmosphere of the planet such that it and others like it could dwell on the surface. The civilization is already poisoned, and as such they do as the monster desires, but you can save them (though they will resist).