Hi, I got the impulse to write a short story earlier today, so I went ahead and wrote one. I had this scene in my head and wanted to describe it. Originally, the story was written in Dutch, but then I translated it to English in the hope some more people could give me some feedback on how they like it and what I could improve. Pretty much any feedback is welcome, from little spelling and grammatical mistakes to more abstract things like the flow, or maybe the scene that was described. Also, I really like to know what you people think the scene is about. Four long, metal pillars stood up from the ground. The last patches of yellow grass were gone, as the earth around the pillars was dug out a yard deep. But still, the pillars stood as strong as they did before. Long haired old men, with poisoned skins, were resting against the old shovels they used. The four pillars were arranged in a square. They were so tall, that the tip could barely be seen. A ladder once ran from bottom to top, but it was broken halfway long ago. One of the men had climed up. He used an old rope to have some grip on the old metal. After every few meters he rested on one of the many crossbeams. On his back were tied three water bottles, of which two were empty already. The plastic of the bottles was dirty and old. Attached to this tall structure were several other metal structures. No one knew their exact purpose. They had varying shapes, from perfectly round to stretched and thin. They looked out over the large, dry planes. The man was up in the tower working for a few hours already. Nobody could see him work, no one knew what was happening. A small group of people was gathered at the foot of the tower. They all wore old, stained clothing, gathered from the dumps which brought the only relief in the flat landscape. Just as the first people were wandering off - like they had done every day so far, a sudden shout broke the silence. As if the people awoke from a daydream, they all started acting, grabbing for something within their cotes. Now they all held this peculiar plastic device. They were holding it in front of them. Each of these plastic devices had a small rectangular area with a strange glow. For a second, every one person looked at the device, after which they suddenly shouted out in joy. Just as silent as it was before, so vivid and noisy was it now. Happy talking filled the hot air, as the people danced into the loney - or not so lonely anymore - night. [Edited by - Sijmen on November 5, 2007 6:11:03 PM]

It's good writing, I'm just having trouble imagining what the scene actually is. The closest thing I can come up with is a construction site or something.

A post apocalyptic world where people long for the use of their mobile phones once more?

Keep listening to your writing impulses ;)

Quote: Original post by Hodgman
A post apocalyptic world where people long for the use of their mobile phones once more?

Keep listening to your writing impulses ;)

Yeah that's it. Thanks for the comments :)