"Whoa, thats different" "Get Mark and Ceri in here." "Did you see that?" ----------------------------------------- "And voila!" "Whoa!" "WHOA" "I know. Is the mic set up yet?" "Done" "So he can hear us?" "I think so" "Hey big guy, whats it like to be alive?" "Lets not tell anyone about this, not yet, this doesn't leave this dorm, right." "Right. One light left, he'll shut down any second now right?" "Right." "Goodbye big guy, see you soon." ----------------------------------------- "Good morning!" "If you can see you can see its 5am, and its 14th April 1982 if youre wondering!" "I'm pretty sure this is the last time I'll speak to you as I'm going to have to send you way way away from any of us, glad you got to see what I look like. Theres someone I know who will look after you. Good luck." ----------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- "I'm alright honey, the robot just took me by surprise - a lively fella." "Just don't go putting your back out." "Grampa, he's looking at me." "Why he is aint he. Lets get you some proper batteries, if I can find em..." -----------------------------------------

.............

what is this?

I'm hoping you weren't fully aware of your surroundings or what you were doing while typing that.

Haha, to be honest, maybe not completely sane when I wrote this :)
I know its not clear, but its the first half of a very short story where you are an artificially intelligent robot who helps a girl deal with a few problems in a completely over the top way. I hoped it might be interesting to figure out what was happening... I guess people don't have the time or the interest for that :)
Anyway -
The students who created you by fluke post you across the world, to only be switched back on again 20 years later by a the girl's grandad.
She wants you to get her ball back from older kids at the park and you gun them down, then the police surround you and you gun them down. You take her and the ball home but as soon as you put her through the front door you are taken down by special forces.
I'll make this at some point, hopefully it'll be clearer as a game rather than a written thing with a couple of pictures.

Also I find it interesting that you get short crappy flash games concentrating on a gameplay feature, but you don't really get short story games. The only one I can think of is facade (which is inspiring by the way if you have never seen it).

this may all end up sounding a bit harsh, but here goes:

Quote:
The students who created you by fluke post you across the world, to only be switched back on again 20 years later by a the girl's grandad.
She wants you to get her ball back from older kids at the park and you gun them down, then the police surround you and you gun them down. You take her and the ball home but as soon as you put her through the front door you are taken down by special forces.

err...what?

I'm seriously hoping that this is some weird and twisted joke. Seriously, I'm all for making games based on short stories. However I would like to argue that 'you are an artificially _intelligent_ robot who retrieves a tiny girl's ball by gunning down teenagers and police' is not a story, but a homicidal game disguised by a thin layer of absolute rubbish, robots and balls. If you want to create a game based on a short story, I would first of all suggest reading some short stories, and write ones with instantly gripping characters, and direction and purpose. Perhaps talk to SunAndShadow about short stories, their uses and common styles (acknowledge this information as it is the culmination of several thousand years worth of human experience in story telling)

While your approach may be considered 'original', it leaves the reader with a firm impression that originality is not always better.

I'll take this chance to poke at a couple of plot holes too...
the picture is a screenshot from MSN, I wasn't aware that it existed in 1982, nor was I aware that the _internet_ existed at that point in time either, as your characters appear to be transmitting video to each other through some communicative media (ie. internet, since BBSes didn't have this capability).

the robot was stuffed in a case for 20 years. why? and how the hell do you make an artificially intelligent robot, in college, in '82?

I know that standard formats can be boring, but they get the job done, and they actually tell you something instead of a load of dialogue (ie. drivel) from unknown sources accompanied by a picture taken using a webcam, when it's meant to be '82

So I would recommend at least telling us what the story is about, some basic information about main characters, the purpose of the story, and then perhaps a 'sample' from it. Instead of filling the thread with a sample, with no given context or development.

I want what hes smoking.

That was nicely done. I don't see why others don't get it.
However the whole gunning stuff down seems a bit drastic to me though. It should be something less violent, got enough violence already...

Thanks Iridescent, theres a very broad range of people here, some clearly not on the same wavelength, if theres a few that appreciate it then great, and I'd like to see what those guys are making, but I'd still rather get some sarcastic/critical feedback than none.


[Edited by - thelovegoose on March 13, 2008 4:51:39 PM]