Hello. I'm currently working on an RPG. The setting is the typical medieval/ancient age, but the 'flavor' isn't so typical. The title is "Battlemage", since the protagonist's class is battlemage. The protagonist is a battlemage from Tyrenill Empire. His name is Arhine Machtaelus. He also works as a secret agent for Night Shield, a secret organization of the government of the empire. He is ordered to go to the city of Parraves, the capital of Unnzen kingdom. Unnzen kingdom itself has been a part of Tyrenill Empire for centuries. In that city, his main mission is to stop an upcoming conspiracy that will shake the kingdom. The kingdom of Unnzen itself has a mix of middle-eastern and eastern-europe flavor. The military unit consist of "knight" class and "warrior" class. There is no specific "archer" or "ranger" class in the unit. The society is not really rigid or heavily structurized. Clans do not hold any real power in the society, so basically anyone from any clan can be the leader of the nation. Although at that time a prominent clan has been ruling the nation for many generations, forming a kind of monarchy, hence it's called "kingdom". Slavery is quite uncommon in Unnzen, since most of the clans hardly accept any strangers even for the purpose of slavery. In wars, when they manage to capture any POW, they tend to immediately trade them or kill them. Unnzen has a long tradition of "spell wielder" class. "Spell wielder" here is almost the same as "magician", although a "spell wielder" usually has a more "wisdom-oriented" and less "power-oriented" view towards "spell". Spell wielders see "spell" the way philosophers see "philosophy". A "spell wielder" is also much more focused on "spell", whereas a "magician" usually also learns other subjects which are not really related to "spell" (such as alchemy). "Spell wielders" are also quite uncommon to engage in combats, unlike magicians. There is also a "spell warrior" class in this kingdom, although it's quite minor compared to "spell wielder". "Spell warrior" is similar to "battlemage", what majorly differs those two is the same as what majorly differs "spell wielder" to "magician". A "spell warrior" also usually uses his/her physical strength more than a "battlemage". The Tyrenill Empire is like Roman empire mixed with Persian empire. The society is aristocratic much like Persian, but with a relatively great amount of "democracy". The society is also one with many mystical stuff (gods, demons, rituals, spells, etc), yet they view it with a kind of pragmatism that equal to Roman's. Any classes that combines "combat" and "magic" is viewed as prestigious, such as "battlemage". Well I haven't really designed this empire, so any suggestions will be much appreciated. Arhine Machtaelus himself is a young and passionative battlemage. He is tactical, smart, and patient. He's dilligently pursuing the "Way of Battlemage" as taught at the imperial battlemage academy. In Parraves, he will gradually absorb the way of Spell Wielder. He will gradually develop a sense of appreciation toward "spell", and will see "spell" more as a wisdom and less as a battle tool. I'll post more about it. Feedbacks, comments, critics, suggestions, will be much appreciated.

Hi, good job. Your story setting is quite easy to read.

The most confusing part for me is the distinction between spells and magics. The way I read it, "Spell wielder" studies spells as a mean to understand the universe, while "magicians" concerns more on when to use the spells and how to use them in combat.

Thank you.

Yes, your understanding is right. A "magician" usually studies spells for a more practical purpose than a "spell wielder", well although it's not just for combat. Hence the name of the class is "magician", since they are much more inclined to use spells for creating "magics". And since "magics" can be produced by other means such as "alchemy" (well at least that's what ordinary people think), they normally become not too focused on "spell".

"Everything starts with the right spell", is a famous wise saying among spell wielders in Unnzen.

Okay, these are some ideas I could write ATM.


A Short History of Unnzen
Centuries before the nation of Unnzen was formed, there existed a league of tribes which is called "Ghazalias" by historians, meaning "Strong People" or "Strong-Bonded People". The league was formed as a mean to unite the tribes against numerous dangers at that time, such as attacks from barbarians. Historians believe that the league lasted for 4 or 5 centuries, until an event which is called "Bonding War" happened (although many historians aren't really sure whether it's really a "war"). Following the event, a tribe (some said that it were two tribes or even more) disappeared for a reason not known to historians. Then about 40 years later, the Unnzen nation was formed by a tribe leader named Zalen Parraves, who at that time was supported by all of the tribes. The name "Unnzen" means "Place to Stand", and it was taken from Zalen's most famous speech among historians : "At long last we have a strong place to stand on, which is what a strong bonding needs."

The Parraves lineage continued to lead Unnzen, until the 3rd leader who was Ilden Parraves. His brave action saved Unnzen from a deadly plague, which then cost him really much. The plague took his life and his entire family members (who were all aiding him), effectively ended the Parraves lineage. To honor their martyrdom, the name of the capital city of Unnzen was changed to Parraves.

The history of Unnzen continued without any major events (at least to most historians), until the ascension of Mares Aden Diessan, which took place about 500 years after the death of Ilden Parraves. He formed a govermental council named "Council of Prosperity", which was controversially filled with no one but his family members. Despite the great amount of nepotism, the council proved to be able to work effectively. The side effect of the effectiveness, the Diessan lineage then became very prominent that Unnzen turned out to be a kind of monarchy. The Diessan lineage continued to rule the nation until now, and the Council of Prosperity also continued to function, eventhough it's rarely filled with Diessan family members anymore.

It was then at the era of Lamiara Diessan, the 4th ruler from the lineage, Unnzen faced it's first major foreigner invasion. The Tyrenill Empire's great army marched through the southwestern border of Unnzen, capturing two major cities. Seeing how the invader's force exceeded anything Unnzen's army could handle, Lamiara Diessan hesitantly surrendered her nation to the invader. Her decision angered most of the citizens, although not for long. The Tyrenill Empire proved to be not a bloodthirsty invader, keeping the casualty level to minimum since the beginning of their invasion. Not only that, the empire had also been keeping their intervention on Unnzen to be as little as possible, thus allowing the government of Unnzen to run their day-to-day politics as if nothing had happened. The empire would only demand the kingdom to serve them in export-import and foreign political matters, and in return the empire would help the kingdom to grow to be more modern. All those things proved to be more positive for Unnzen, and the citizens could gradually accept the occupation. Still, Lamiara's decision to avoid any wars had earned her a bad name, and caused Diessan lineage to gradually lose it's popularity among citizens.


The Origin of Spell Wielder
Most historians acknowledge that there was a precursor to Unnzen's "spell wielder" class, named "spell crafter". It's believed to be a higher level version of "spell wielder", with great abilities to craft spells, similar to the way artists craft artworks. The "spell crafter" class existed mostly before the Unnzen nation was formed, and quickly vanished into extinction after the beginning of Unnzen. The last spell crafter known to historians is Dien Mahelan, died sometime around the second leadership era of Unnzen. Following his death, most of the wisdoms of spell craft-ing were lost. With no more means to craft spells, the successors of Dien Mahelan settled to preserving all remaining spells. Thus the "spell wielder" class was started.


The Upcoming Conspiracy in Parraves
According to what Night Shield has gathered, an underground cult named "Hands of the Crimson One" is the one behind the conspiracy.

There are 5 known members of Hands of the Crimson One. 4 of them are native : Zaege Zamalen, Dariju Larsan, Derija Larsan, Darwen Dae Maerwan. One is a foreigner from Tyrenill Empire : Balthorius.

Darwen Dae Maerwan is the leader of the cult. A male spell wielder near the age of 40, with speciality in "persona spells" and "flesh spells". He has intense hatred towards foreigners, especially those he believes to be ruining the purity of spell tradition of Unnzen. Therefore, when Arhine Machtaelus finally confronts him, it then becomes a really terrible battle of spells.

Dariju Larsan is Derija Larsan's brother. Dariju Larsan is a 26-years old spell wielder. He works at a local temple in Parraves. Derija Larsan is a 25-years old spell warrior. They have a sister whose name is Ailnae Larsan. She doesn't share the same hatred towards the current government of Unnzen.

Zaege Zamalen is a 40-years old male warrior. He works as a private guard for Abare Jaellausaeran, the current mayor of Parraves. He isn't the type who talk much, and he has never showed any dislike towards the government of Unnzen, so it's quite unclear why he agreed to join the cult.

Balthorius is a 32-years old male agent. He has lived in Parraves for some years, without any fixed occupations. He is the type of agent who use many 'dark' means, including demon-summoning techniques. Despite being a foreigner, he gained trust from Darwen rather quickly, mostly because Darwen needed someone who would eagerly do dirty jobs, and he really was one.


Night Shield in Parraves
In Parraves, Arhine Machtaelus works together with other agents of Night Shield. The agents are :
1. Margus Klavalaus, a 42-years old male agent from Tyrenill, the leader of the agents, whose class is "agent".
2. Calitviss Petronnae, a 22-years old male agent from the land of Aldorenia (a part of Tyrenill Empire), whose class is "shadow warrior" (similar to ninja or assassin).
3. Lyrane Thieraill, a 25-years old female agent from Tyrenill, whose class is "sword mage".
4. Bardes Lamaren, a 27-years old male agent from Unnzen, whose class is "agent".

The agents use a local inn named "Kulmen's Nest" as their secret base. Kulmen is a local domesticated bull-like animal. The owner of the inn is Laeran Uravenale, a female native and an old friend of Margus Klavalaus.

Your story is organized. In the way I imagine it, your design will work.

Story: 100%
Gameplay: 100%
Arts: 100%

Your design is well-contained within the framework with much room for surprises.

The only thing left that you can mess up in the story are the dialogue, and the implementation of story telling. I see that as a property of gameplay, but if you simply have the traditional mission briefing at the Kulman's Nest before the action, your design will work already.

The most shaky piece of information so far is paragraph four on the history of the occupation:

"It was then at the era of Lamiara Diessan, the 4th ruler from the lineage, Unnzen faced it's first major foreigner invasion. The Tyrenill Empire's great army marched through the southwestern border of Unnzen, capturing two major cities. Seeing how the invader's force exceeded anything Unnzen's army could handle, Lamiara Diessan hesitantly surrendered her nation to the invader. Her decision angered most of the citizens, although not for long. The Tyrenill Empire proved to be not a bloodthirsty invader, keeping the casualty level to minimum since the beginning of their invasion. Not only that, the empire had also been keeping their intervention on Unnzen to be as little as possible, thus allowing the government of Unnzen to run their day-to-day politics as if nothing had happened. The empire would only demand the kingdom to serve them in export-import and foreign political matters, and in return the empire would help the kingdom to grow to be more modern. All those things proved to be more positive for Unnzen, and the citizens could gradually accept the occupation. Still, Lamiara's decision to avoid any wars had earned her a bad name, and caused Diessan lineage to gradually lose it's popularity among citizens."

This situation does not seem realistic to me because there was no diplomatic development prior to the invasion. It would have been a treaty instead of an invasion in common sense. What happened to the Tyrenill Empire's diplomates? Why didn't Unnzen see Tyrenill coming? Didin't Unnzen see any precedence of Tyrenill absorbing other nations?

Your story will still work if it doesn't answer these question. If it sounds like it would take too much energy to change, don't bother changing it. It is a distraction trying too hard to change it.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.

I will write the dialogues after I finished writing enough background stories. Well actually I had made some of the opening dialogues, but it was before I added more characters as the agents of Night Shield. So I'm gonna have to re-write it a bit.

And, yes you're right, I should add more details to the history of the occupation, to make it more solid.