OK, this is my little story, I haven't worked out all the details yet. It's more of a blurb than I story I guess, but I'll try to keep this as interesting as possible. Here we go. It basically fleshes out the backstory and motivations of the player, as well as the goal of the game. What I'm worried about is the "climax"; I'm not exactly sure what to do about a "final challenge" or a boss character. I made it first person, hopefully that'll make it a little bit more interesting. :) ---- Today is going to be the worst day of my life. I have been assigned to go to the Cathedral. No, you misunderstand. Not for a confession. Not for Mass. Not even to pray. Here, I'll give you some background. Since 2083, humans have been fighting an unknown hostile force that seems endless. Some say that they are aliens bent on human destruction, some say that they are simply humans mutated by a strange disease. I don't know what to say. All I know is that they're against us and we're fighting for our lives. We call our safe houses and routes from one place to another the Underground Railroad - if you only you knew how literal that term was. Our network of sewers and tunnels stretch for miles just under the surface of the Earth. In our sector, we've blocked all other entrances, and now we have only one way out of our hiding place - a secret passage under an old Cathedral. My mission? I was told I needed to make my way through the city and into the country where there has rumoured to have been another resistance camp, nestled just under an old ammunitions depot. Who knows if I'll make it or not, but I'm going to at least try. I will do anything for the human race. Even if it means risking my life to save it. ---- What do you guys think? I'd like some constructive criticism, and while I urge you to point out the story's flaws, please don't give me the "that sucks so bad" stuff.

It's okay to begin your story with a mystery, but I would like to see that mystery unfold as the story progresses, like what exactly happend to the 'humans'.

Maybe you find out little by little from different mutating people their point of view of the situation, or you draw your own conclusions because you are that badass of a guy.

Also, I would like to see you specify if you are a lone-ranger or you are getting help from an outside source.

A deep hidden meaning at the end could wrap up the story... but none of that human cleansing last mimzy crap!

Keep working at it! :)

Not bad, not bad at all. Like the person above said, show some of the mutated people, what they have to say outside of combat. Show the aliens. Have interactions with other people. Heck, pull a Quake 4 or R:FOM and have the main character get infected, but keep control. Or better yet, don't keep control until later on, and until then, go on a human killing rampage.

Well, I kinda wanted to stray away from the player being "almost" mutated or killed - I didn't really want to copy other games like the ones you mentioned.
I don't know if I want to do something where the player gets infected during the game, if at any time - it would be almost contrived I suppose.

Also, what do you guys think about a "trick" twist ending... where maybe the player thinks all along that he is OK and at the end he founds out he's on the first stage of infection?

just depends on how you want to end your story, like if you want to end it with the end of the experience, then let the main character tie up every loose end, but if you want the reader to use their own ending, then definantly include a twist at the end

Well, I was thinking of a twist at the end as sort of a "loose end" for a sequel or the next episode (depending on what type of game release I want).
In fact, I'd love to do an episodic game - you can keep building on the last one, sort of like a TV show or something.

What happens next in the story?
( write it out in a new post :) )

Well, before I go on with that, do you think the first-person perspective on the story is a good idea?

I would think it is a good perspective from which to draw conclusions because the reader can relate to the main character and more importantly the writer can write a more flexible story with the straight-forward mindset of the character.

But if you continue the story without much success using a first person view, then you can eliminate the idea of using one..

Well Hl2 : Ep1 does a good job using 1st person to tell a story. In fact the whole HL series is pretty good at relating a detailed story with 1st person and no cutscenes along with pretty good charactter development and things of that nature.