I have been working on this concept for a little over a week now, attempting to perfect it. Addmittedly I was hoping to wait until I had the story more defined then what I currently have. However I figured it would be best to start getting feedback now while I haven't invested too much of my time into the story line that doesn't work. As mentioned in another thread this is a pirate story, hopefully a little more orginal than most. I have no name for it yet as I can't seem to find a suitable one for it. The game style would be best described as action-adventure game. I'll explain the goal after I explain the story as it could ruin the story. Each of the bulletens represent parts of the story that take place in between levels. The setting is the time of colonization of America and the expansion of the colonies. • In the start of the game your friends come to your house to take you out for a night of drinking. On the way to the pub we learn about the background of the friends and about our self. They get to the pub and have a fun night of drinking. We see a mysterious figure watching over the group and slowly watch as the group one by one passes out at the bar. Finally we go into first player view and pass out. • You slowly begin to wake up but you’re being dragged you look over and see your friends being dragged also and you notice that you are in a tunnel. You hear “he’s waking up” and then you’re hit on the head. • You wake up on a boat. You’re escorted up to the top deck where you meet the captain. He tells you have to swim to shore or work on the ship. One friend is excited to join. One is deeply afraid and decides to swim for it even though land is almost out of sight. At first it looks like he might get somewhat far but then is shot by the captain. You and your other friend decide to stay on the ship hoping that they’ll just ransom you or at least stop somewhere you get away. • At port the first port you are taken to you meet friend of player’s father in a pub. He thinks you finally got into the shipping business with your dad owns. You’re being watched by some pirate guys so you have to talk discretely. You attempt to tell him that you’ve been kidnapped by pirates and are forced to work on their vessel. You tell him to look for clues as to which you’ll leave at each stop. However you are forced to leave by the pirates without making sure he understands. • By know you have grown some respect for the pirates. The captain says when out in the sea that you’ve been followed ever since your first port and that he intends to fight the ship following them. You fear for your father’s friend might be on the boat. It is a military ship but your father’s friend isn’t on that ship. • You are made to escort the captain of the ship to meet an old friend. You hear the two talking but can't quite make out what they are talking about. • The next port you must find another old friend of the captain and make him give you a treasure map to the treasure. • Get an object that allows you to get to the treasure. • On way to treasure your friend (who was gung ho about being a pirate) plans a mutiny and tries to get you to start a mutiny with him. If you do join him, you fail and are put in the brig for a while and when you are released have a harder time leaving clues for your father’s friend. If you don’t, you accidentally end up letting the captain know and he kills your friend but you gain the respect of the pirates and are able to walk freely among them. (Possibly going to make this a little different) • On away from buried treasure island, you talk with captain and find out how he got into pirating. He was just like you when he started and worked under a famous Pirate, which has since been captured and executed. He tells you that the treasure you just got was one that he helped bury for the famous pirate. • By now you have truly become a full fledged pirate and the crew respects you somewhat. You attack a merchant ship. In mid-battle you run into your father’s friend. However you turn your back to each other and fight other people who come at you and he does the same. Eventually you loose track of him. At the end the pirates win however they have captured a few men. You father’s friend is in the crew captured. You are given a choice to either execute him and become a full fledged pirate or let him live which will allow him to be able to get away and get word to the authorities who will catch you two ports later. • In the end of the story you and your friend are given the choice to stay and be a pirates or return to your home. The main goal of the story and the game is to make you gian respect and addmiration for the pirates. I'm attempting to get the player to feel for them and befriend them and make the player choose the option of staying on as a pirate instead of choosing the path to go home. There will be several points in the story which will lead you to choose the how you character comes out in the end. Well let me know what you think. I want both good and bad, constructive only please, critizism.

just some points

try to include the famous pirate Roberts. veery interesting figure. or L'ollonais. (hope i got names right)

you can include women pirates. at least three cases are known.

if you want to include treasure, why not Oak island treasure, it is mystery, even today. or coconut island?

pirates did use only "pirate friendly" ports, not all of the ports. so beginning with shanghaing in a normal port is not very believable.

think about changing pirate to privateer, include bucaneers.

time frame? when is this happening? where? Carribean? Why not China (Taiwan pirates, Japanese pirates)

end is weak: pirates never let anybody alive, and to think they will let a hostile witness go, no way. also, you were never given a clear choice to remain a pirate or not. you could run, but where?

you will have to work on the "respect" angle. otherwise i think the idea is doable.

Thank you for your criticism.

Quote: pirates did use only "pirate friendly" ports, not all of the ports. so beginning with shanghaing in a normal port is not very believable.

To be honest with you that's not true. There are well documented cases in which pirates often abducted sailiors and spent time at none pirate friendly ports, granted most flew under different flags while in port, in America. I actually based the opening idea from Savannah, Georgia. They have tours in which you can actually go and see the tunnels where the pirates used to drag the sailors to the ships, however many are closed up now. Savannah was never particulairly friendly to pirates, however pirates often visited the area to supposedly hide treasure and get sailors. They have many legends there of sailors getting being shanghainged and being taken out to see and given the option to swim or serve on the pirate ship for a set amount of years. This is where I got the begining of the story, which I pretty much ripped off of that particuliar legend.

Quote:
time frame? when is this happening? where? Carribean? Why not China (Taiwan pirates, Japanese pirates)

Well the time frame is between the establishment of the colonies and the American revolution. I didn't remember the specific time frame and didn't think to look it up. As for why the Carribean, even though I didn't really state that, it is because I know the area decently (having travel through out the Carribean) and of some of the legends about pirates as I used to be a tour guide down in Savannah for a short time.

Quote: end is weak: pirates never let anybody alive, and to think they will let a hostile witness go, no way. also, you were never given a clear choice to remain a pirate or not. you could run, but where?

Well I agree the ending is weak. That's one of the things I'm still trying to figure out. I do know that I want you to have an option as to whether to stay or leave. That's why I gave the option to do the mutany and the option to rat the pirate ship out and save the friend of father.


Whoever made a title for my post thanks, I realized I forgot to put one. Also please excuse the bad grammer in the summary of the story, stupid me just wrote it out and never checked to see if it actually made any sense.

well, my suggestions were posted mostly to veer your story a bit from classical pirate/treasure story, to give a somewhat fresher approach. hope it helped.

is still think you should pinpoint time frame more. 1600 - 1800 is too vague. If you pinpoint the time frame, you can include some actual people, wars, weapons etc. and Carribean history is full of very interesting people and events.

do you plan totally realistic game, i.e. without any magic? you could include voodoo anyway?

as for the ending - i think that at this point the mass of the story is not properly concentrated to demand and form a Schwerpunkt (end) = you need to continue the story till it feels ripe to end it.

just my 0,04 Euros....

Quote: Original post by Borkhan
is still think you should pinpoint time frame more. 1600 - 1800 is too vague. If you pinpoint the time frame, you can include some actual people, wars, weapons etc. and Carribean history is full of very interesting people and events.

Yeah I do think I'm going to define the time frame more so that I could run into interesting people of that time frame.

Quote: do you plan totally realistic game, i.e. without any magic? you could include voodoo anyway?

Well I plan on making it mostly realistic. However on the treasure island there was going to be a native group that lived there that I've been debating as to whether or not to make them have some voodoo power. I however wanted the majority of the game to be realistic since part of my goal is to give a human side to the pirates.

Quote: Original post by TKE Super Dave
Whoever made a title for my post thanks, I realized I forgot to put one. Also please excuse the bad grammer in the summary of the story, stupid me just wrote it out and never checked to see if it actually made any sense.

That was me and it was no problem. You'll have to correct your grammar yourself! [grin]