I am making another thread because I will build two separate stories. This is voice over introduction. Voice is "warm, masculine, arrogant", with a distinct "ready to explode" tonality. The feeling I am aiming for is a character that is constantly getting more and more wound up, and loving it. It's a nice summer day, Paris, living the life of pleasure. My friend found a book. Some library, some old man, he's got the hots for her so she didn't even have to buy it. I don't have to mention that she's got a peculiar passion for old books, this friend of mine. I get out of the elevator, fifth floor and the building's classy and old, high rent and nice neighbours. She'd asked me to come catch a glimpse of this book and I had my mind set on seeing more than just what lay between the covers. I found two of them setting the place on fire. I make it quick, and the rest of the appartment's empty. Dead empty. The others had left, and of course there's no old book in sight, just her body soaking the living-room carpet. The following day I've got a bad feeling. Somebody's following me, morning walk, afternoon lunch. Can't put my finger on it, but I can't shake the feeling either. Turns out they were waiting for me at home. Now I've got to find out who did it and why. I don't mind a dead girl, but I tend to draw a line when there's bullet holes in my walls. Opinions please.

Quote: Original post by Classy_Cojones
I don't mind a dead girl, but I tend to draw a line when
there's bullet holes in my walls.

I like that line [smile]. It sounds very noir-detective story, so if that is what you are aiming for, you got it spot on. Obviously the narration of the story seems a little fast paced, but considering the fact it only goes for two paragraphs, I think that maybe you aimed for that intentionaly.

Yes, it has to be extremely fast paced.