Sounds nice. But it seems like you are advertising in this section which doesnt bother me. Well guys what im trying to do is put togeather something like Metal Gear Solid except its a FPS and more fighting then sneaking around and watching movies. Of course there will be clips during boss fights if we have them or something. I just would like someone to join us. Mabey then we can put something togeather. Im a good writer and all but im not Hideo Kojima. Heres the plan...

1. Main Character Details.
2. Important Character Details.
3. Military Fighting Against.
4. Plot of Fighting.
All this is just for right now. We will think about the rest later.

Wow guys I did a good amount of work on the story today. Pretty much how everything is going to start off. Once im finished I will be givinig you guys a brief detail about it. Im also sorry for the double post but I didnt think you all would read the post if it was in a earlier post. But when im done typing it all up I will post it on this post using edit. Look out for the launch of information!

Here it is... I hope you all love it. If you have any ideas that you might want to implement into this story do please share! By the way im Kevin W. and I hope that this information that im sharing with you all isnt stolen and please do respect my properity. Thanks and enjoy!
*EDIT* So sorry again for the tripple post. I always forget to edit the other one. Took me awhile to type this up and got into my story and I guess I forgot to edit the last statement! Sorry fellas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Game Name: Memory (Not Official)

*Quote- "It's been known to be told that it doesn's take a 30 year old to tell a good story, Let me tell you mine..."
Kevin W. (BlackCell Studios)

1. Character Details:

-Main Playable Character- Brock Rynes: Born December 8, 2071 in Hinsen Alaska. Raised by his father untill the age of 5. Was seperated from him during an attack from an unknown Military Force called "Militia". Has one sister that he doesn't know of at all. Doesn't know his mother at all either. Ran away to a city called Cessena where he lived in the streets. He trained using different guns that he had stolen from shops around in town. Doesn't know that his father works at Militia HQ.

-Father Character- Hein Rynes: Works for "Militia Headquarters", and is the Captain/Owner of the HQ. A scientist that studies weaponry and suit capabilities for "Cybornetic Engine Suits" also known as "CES's" which he builds/built. Has no information about his daughter and doesn't even know she was born. Knows everything about his wife that he killed because of an arguement that he had with her about his job. He had a "Cover Up" for the murder of his wife by Militia HQ.

-Mother Character- Cindy Rynes: Not much is known about Cindy except for the fact that she was murdered and was covered up by her husband. Had a daughter when she "supposbly went on a buisness trip for a year". Hein Rynes has no idea that she was born.

-Sister Character- Krystal Rynes: A little is known about Krystal. She was born on May 13, 2076 in Morien Alaska. She has information about her brother but no recent information about what he looks like. After her mother's death she stayed with a family that fount her in the streets of Morien. When she reached the age of 14, she ran away from the foster family in search for her brother Brock using all the information she had that was given to her by her mother.


2. Story Details:

Brock being seperated from his father at the age of 5 from a crucial attack of 50 soldiers dressed up in black cybornetic suits completely loaded with ammo and guns. The soldiers incapitated over 2000 townsfolk searching through the streets, offices, and other places. The soldiers now had complete control of Hinsen. Brock managed to run far away and to another city called Cessena. As he slept in the streets with very little food, he prayed every night that he would find his father again and find out more about his family. Brock managed to steal guns from various gun shops in town which he used to train. He sworn that he will get revenge from Militia HQ for all that they done. 12 years later on August 22, 2088, Brock returned to Hinsen to seek revenge and to gather the more information about what happened. <TO BE CONTINUED>

*NOTE*: This story will be edited and changed but most of this information is official!

[Edited by - Spartan 151 on March 16, 2005 11:58:44 PM]

Wow, that is a lot better that what I have seen from you so far, good work! However a few things:

"Militia". I think a little more creative or unique name would add depth and intrest to your story [wink]

"Memory". Ditto. It's not that these are bad, it's just you need something that will stand out and be creative. All your other names I think are great. The "Cybornetic Engine Suits", while acceptable might be changed to something that sounds more...formidable. Like for example, M.E.C.H., and give it a great expansion of the acronymon, but don't use that. That or think of a unique 'Code Name' for the suits to refer to them.

Other than that, sounds like a good start! However, the whole theme seems a little cliche - someone seeking revenge, with some twist with parents, and then some other twist with another child, etc... That is just my opinion though.

- Drew

1. Kid loses parents/family.
2. Goes after those responsible.
3. Plot twist: father is a part of those responsible.

That formula has been around since stories were first told. If you want to go that route, you will have to be a great storyteller or your story will be lost among the other cliches.

It seems as though you are trying to add dramatic moments and twists to your story (which is fine), but you're using the same elements and twists as many, many puplar stories. What will make this one better (and different) from those others? I would recommend developing some unique elements to your story so that it's not this simple, cliche sequence. The audience will pick this up as soon as you say "your high-clearance engineer dad has vanished. I think the 'militia' (with high-tech equipment made by...an engineer) may have been responsible. Go investigate"...

And the "Luke, I am your father" plot point has got to go (or be changed).

Hehe. Thanks bro. I hope you like it. If you want to join and help me out let me know. And dgaf you got me confused lol sorry. Do you all want to talk on MSN??? Add Spartan151@gmail.com. By the way Dgaf, Brock knows his father and knows everything about him except the part where he killed his mother and works for Militia!

[Edited by - Spartan 151 on March 16, 2005 11:25:48 PM]

I might be far-fetching a little the criticisms I am going to throw in, but anyway...

A militia, as my dictionnary states is:1. originally, any military force, Later,any army composed of citizens rahter than professional soldiers, called up in time of emergency. 2. In the U.S., all able-bodied male citizens between 18 and 45 years old who are not alreadymembers of the regular armed forces: members fo the National Guard and of the Reserves (of the Army, Air Force, Coast Guard, Navy, and Marine Corps)

This means that, if your "militia" is non-governmental, and it appears so, it must exist for a reason. Any reason. Since it is pretty obvious that the militia has a pretty high firepower, and able soldiers, either they are mercenaries hired to perform the hits of the militia, or they are ordinary citizens given extraordinary weaponry by Rynes. Anyway, they need a goal to accomplish. I can easily imagine that this militia has set itself the task to overthrow the dystopic and tyrannic government of the US in these times, or decided to relaunch a hotter cold war with the Russians to conquer Kamtchatka, because there might be some more petrol there and World Petrol reserves are running low, in order to ensure National Domination over the world... Anything will do, even the worst ideals. but they MUST have a goal, and be run by citizens caring for their well-being. For all I know, this militia could even be a sort of Pinkerton Army, ready to serve in a "Iron Heel" like environment.

As for your C.E.S., I find it difficult not to smile at that one... Can you SERIOULSY imagine yourself saying aloud "I am going to step in my C.E.S. 'pit"? wouldn't this kind of detail completely ruin the feeling you're trying to give? Having a badly chosen name for anything can go a long way in terms of jokes. Ask your local kindergarden children. they can invent names for most of their little comrades, are mean and cruel to everything, and won't hesitate to throw to pieces your beloved project, if they can make a ten-second laugh out of it. Believe me. C.E.S. is NOT what you're aiming for.

Otherwise, I quite like your ideas. I does remind me a little of Black-Delta: tchernobyl, or of other small companies games, which had incredible background settings and poor playability. DO be careful to have a good gameplay if you don't want to be thrown to the C.E.S. pit with the other small companies games. And nice graphics would be nice too.

Yours faithfully,
Nicolas FOURNIALS

How about putting lots of viewpoints?

whenever the character finds a clue to his father or what happened to his mother, let it trigger a "memory" . memories are scenarios where the player can play someone else with different skills. Like a detective putting the pieces of a crime together and reenacting the scene. hmm.. I guess memory isn't the best thing to call it...

as an example:
Brock finds a broken doll in a hall. the screen fades and he is now a little child running and dodging from the bad men trying to kill him, the Child (brock) sees the body of a woman (brock's mom) being dragged away. A soldier runs and smacks the child with the rifle and breaking the doll in the process..

as a better memory related example. Brock need clues about a weapons dealer related to his father. he could have a flash back where hie is back in his young days starting out in a little raid. during the raid (if he survives) he overhears some of his budies talking where they got their weapons). flashback is over, the player can then use this learned/remembered information to find the possible weapons dealer

This could enable the player to have uber leet skills in the real timeline but still play weak, not-so powerful characters in flashbacks. Dying during a flash back will not harm the player but may miss clues to the story (ie. seeing the body of the mom being hidden, dealer)

edit: this gives a great chance to explore the character background and a refreshing change of pace by dynamically altering the player stats for a short time.

hope this helps

Why don't you name the main character's father "Jim Rynes". That way when the militia suits up in their CES suits, you can call their armored (breathing apparatus) helmets the "jimmy hat".

It's not safe out there without protection. Sorry, I've had a long day...

Its all good information. I think I need to revise the main thing a little. Its too sharp. I have to give more specific reasons for him going back to Hinsen Alaska after he ran away from that brutal attack. I will look into this after I get out of this school because im off work. Lets hope something hops into my head while im waiting to get home! Oh and for those viewpoints, I had those in mind anyway to have the emotional part of the story. I guess Im 1 step ahead of you but you did post some good ones that I didnt even think of. Mabey we can use that if its ok with you!